Sacred Marriage: What If God Designed Marriage to Make Us Holy More Than to Make Us Happy?

Encourage readers to reflect on how the book relates to their own life or work and how its lessons could help them.

1. Thomas argues that romantic feelings make an inadequate foundation for a lasting marriage. Reflecting on your own relationship history (past or present), how much weight have you placed on romantic intensity versus commitment, shared values, or spiritual growth? Has this balance shifted over time?

2. The book suggests that marital dissatisfaction often reveals more about a person’s relationship with God than their spouse’s failures. When you experience frustration in close relationships, do you tend to examine your own spiritual state or focus on the other person’s shortcomings? What makes self-examination difficult in these moments?

3. Which of Thomas’s theological reframings felt most personally relevant: marriage as mirror (exposing character flaws), marriage as analogy (revealing God’s nature), marriage as training ground (developing a servant heart), or marriage as sacred history (building a story together)? Why did that particular framework resonate?

4. Thomas critiques both traditional patriarchal imbalances and contemporary therapeutic culture’s emphasis on personal fulfillment. Where do you locate yourself between these extremes? Do you tend more toward self-sacrifice without boundaries or toward prioritizing your own needs above partnership?

5. Thomas presents marital challenges—financial conflicts, communication breakdowns, sexual differences—as opportunities for transformation rather than problems to solve. Can you identify a recurring difficulty in your relationships that might serve as a training ground if you approached it differently?

Prompt readers to explore how the book fits into today’s professional or social landscape.

1. Thomas published Sacred Marriage in 2000, before the rise of social media, dating apps, and rapidly shifting cultural attitudes toward marriage, divorce, and gender roles. Which of his insights feel timeless, and which feel dated or limited by their cultural moment? How might his arguments need updating for contemporary readers?

2. Beyond brief acknowledgements, the book barely addresses marriages involving abuse, addiction, serious mental illness, or fundamental incompatibility. How does this limitation affect the book’s applicability? Should Christian marriage literature give more attention to when marriages should end rather than valorizing unconditional perseverance?

3. How does Thomas’s framework intersect with current conversations about mental health, therapeutic boundaries, and self-care within Christian communities? Does viewing marriage primarily as a spiritual discipline risk perpetuating harmful patterns, or does it offer a necessary corrective to consumeristic approaches to relationships?