Semi-Well-Adjusted Despite Literally Everything: A Memoir

LuAnne is Stoner’s mother. She features throughout the memoir, as she was Stoner’s manager and primary supporter throughout their child acting career. While Stoner did enjoy acting, singing, and dancing, they admit that they would not have pursued these endeavors professionally had it not been for LuAnne. LuAnne was determined to advance Stoner’s skills and talents and ushered them into the spotlight when they were just seven years old. Throughout the following years, Stoner relied on their mother for everything—particularly approval. Stoner wanted to please LuAnne because they believed that their mother had their best interest in mind and truly believed they were a special talent.

LuAnne had a big personality that both attracted and repelled others. She “was the life of the party” (15), and she “thrived as a vivacious host and memory-maker. Everybody adored her” (21). Despite her charm, LuAnne “wasn’t always pleasant” to be around (15); this was particularly true when LuAnne was drinking. Even as a young child, Stoner was aware of how alcohol affected their mother, making her belligerent and raucous. To withstand their mother’s behavior, Stoner quickly learned to disassociate. For a time, Stoner accepted LuAnne’s relationship with alcohol as commonplace. Over the years, however, LuAnne’s addiction intensified and complicated Stoner’s relationship with her.

Stoner’s regard for LuAnne suffered even more when they learned that LuAnne had been stealing from them. Although hurt by this betrayal, Stoner “couldn’t bring [themselves] to chase after the money” (241). Further, Stoner feared facing the truth of who their mother really was. Through their father, they eventually gained insight into their mother’s erratic and abusive behavior over the years. Their father’s version of LuAnne challenged Stoner’s version of their mother. “If [they] admitted she wasn’t perfect,” then they would have to admit that LuAnne “was the one who’d wanted to move to Los Angeles, not [Stoner], [they’d] have to face that all the hours [they] put into being socially adored as a star really belonged to her” (247). Stoner thus came to understand that their relationship with LuAnne was essential to how they understood themselves. Once they began interrogating and owning the dysfunctional aspects of this dynamic, they had to confront their own identity anew.

John is Stoner’s stepfather. He features in the earlier sections of the memoir and is essential to how Stoner understands and processes their sense of home and belonging. When Stoner was younger, they saw John as a steady, paternal figure. Over the years, however, John’s insecure and violent tendencies became more pronounced. Soon his “self-esteem deteriorated into sullenness and rage. Then came delusions and paranoia, falsely accusing Mom of infidelity and […] acting out in sexually compulsive and abusive ways to others” (85). The more unpredictable John became, the more unstable Stoner’s home and family life became. Whenever they or their mother or sisters returned home, they were unsure which version of John they would get: gracious, reclusive, angry, or violent. Stoner eventually realized that they and their family could not protect themselves against John and called the cops on him during a violent altercation. As a result, John and LuAnne separated. The family got a restraining order against him, but he and LuAnne did not divorce. The unsafe dynamics John’s instability created for Stoner contributed to much of their childhood unrest.

Demi Lovato is an actress, singer, and performer. Though she has since become known for her pop music, she got her start as a child performer in venues like the show Barney & Friends and the Camp Rock franchise. Stoner worked with her on the latter project, at which time they developed an immediate connection. Lovato’s “bubbliness snapped [them] back to the present” and made them feel welcome in a new (128), high-pressure environment. As Stoner writes, “There was something so innocent about her demeanor, and it brought out the part of [Stoner] that wanted to encourage her as an industry veteran” (129). The two would later commiserate over their mutual struggles with eating disorders and try to support each other through their conditions.

Over the years, Stoner’s relationship with Lovato frayed. As Lovato’s mental health deteriorated, Stoner struggled to relate to her. They wanted to remember their friend’s positive traits but feared getting involved in her volatile outbursts and drug and substance use. In Chapter 13, Stoner recounts a time when they witnessed Lovato punch another actor in the face. Stoner wanted to speak out about the incident but remained silent because they feared Lovato’s reaction.

Stoner and Lovato later healed their dynamic after they both received treatment for their mental illnesses. In fact, Lovato’s decision to enter rehab inspired Stoner to ask for help, making her a key figure in Stoner’s recovery.

Winston was one of Stoner’s therapists at Remuda Ranch. In Chapters 15 and 16, Stoner reflects on how important Winston’s guidance and support were to their recovery. He was their “favorite therapist on staff” and “explained that [psychological] distortions were so common, we might believe we’re thinking an objective fact and not even notice that it’s slanted” (195). Winston’s friendly demeanor endeared him to Stoner. Winston was also direct with Stoner and challenged them to confront the origin of their eating disorder. He taught them cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) skills, which helped them cope with their stress and trauma. Winston also “encouraged [Stoner] to reflect on [their] relationship with [their] mother and how it [could] be beneficial to create some differentiation between [their] identities” (199-200). He was one of the first people to interrogate this relationship and to point out its dysfunctions. Stoner relied on his guidance throughout their time at Remuda Ranch and took Winston’s teachings with them when they left treatment.