45 pages • 1-hour read
Semi-Well-Adjusted Despite Literally Everything: A Memoir
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Themes
Content Warning: This section of the guide includes discussion of child abuse, mental illness, and disordered eating.
Navigating the Dangers of Child Stardom
Alyson Stoner traces their experiences working in the entertainment industry to create awareness surrounding child labor and exploitation. Their memoir paints Hollywood as an environment that is, at best, ignorant of children’s particular needs, making abusive dynamics the rule rather than the exception.
Stoner structures the memoir chronologically, beginning with anecdotes from their foray into public performance at the age of seven years old. This formal choice conveys how early Stoner learned to tailor themselves to a high-pressure, capitalistic structure:
At seven years old, it didn’t register that I was being groomed to be sold. I was no longer a child; I was a commodity. Cindy depended on her clients to make money, and physical beauty—coupled with high versatility—increased my price tag. The larger context flew right over my head. I did as adults instructed me to, and Mom eagerly supported whatever helped me shine (42).
In this passage, Stoner pairs their childhood naivety with their retrospective adult reflections to create wider cultural commentary. As a young, impressionable child, Stoner only wanted to please the adults around them. They threw themselves into their acting career because they were used to complying with adults’ expectations, particularly when navigating unfamiliar circumstances, and the industry exploited that very innocence in ways Stoner was too young to recognize.
Stoner’s story thus exposes the hazards of placing children in adult situations. Young and inexperienced, Stoner was rendered powerless both on and off set. When at work, Stoner was often treated carelessly by adults who had no training in how to work appropriately with children. Outside of work, Stoner had to combat threats from fans and bullies alike: “As [their] name grew bigger, [their] world shrank smaller. [Their] orientation to life was filtered through fear” (148), including the fear of “people’s motives,” of public “scrutiny,” of “being unattractive,” and of “failing at [their] calling” (148). Without proper role models or mentors, Stoner doubled down on their efforts to protect themselves through people-pleasing, even as this increasingly meant developing self-destructive behaviors—for instance, an eating disorder reflective of unhealthy beauty standards. The memoir thus suggests that children in the entertainment industry ultimately internalize the abuse they experience.
Stoner’s story is not unique, as they are one of countless children exploited by the entertainment industry. However, by discussing their experiences in the industry, Stoner creates awareness around child abuse in Hollywood, using their voice to promote change. Stoner addresses this goal most explicitly in the Epilogue: “To further break this cycle and prevent future stories like my own, I wrote and independently produced Dear Hollywood, a tell-all podcast exposing the industry ecosystem and implications of child stardom” (297). This underscores that Stoner has chosen to use their platform to advocate for children like them and to press for industry reform.
Self-Discovery amid Hollywood Culture and Childhood Trauma
Stoner’s experiences as a child actor complicated their ability to come of age in a “typical” manner. At the age of seven, Stoner was yanked out of their familiar home life in Toledo, Ohio, and thrust into the high-pressure world of the entertainment industry. They were separated from their school, family, and community and forced to navigate adult situations when they were still a child. As a result, Stoner had difficulty understanding their emotions, processing their encounters with loss, forming healthy relationships, and learning essential life skills.
Stoner attributes much of their struggle to the nature of acting itself, coupled with industry demands that were indecipherable and overwhelming to a child. From the moment they left home for California, they experienced a “flurry of conflicting expectations” and “couldn’t make sense of the emotions spilling out” (24, 25). They were soon trained to channel these emotions and experiences into their burgeoning acting—to quash their feelings and personality and adopt fictional personas—and were thus never guided in how to properly process their own interiority. Thus, as the years passed and the pressures of their career mounted, Stoner became increasingly estranged from themselves. “If I wanted to live up to being special,” Stoner remarks, channeling their childhood point of view, “I had to accept the special sacrifices and responsibilities that came with it” (45). Such sacrifices included forsaking time with friends, time on the playground, and simple delight in childhood. They learned to detach from their family, their community, and their personal desires to prioritize industry standards and relationships. “My strategy for success was foolproof. All I have to do is be perfect at everything and look perfect while doing it” (45). This imperative kept Stoner from understanding who they were.
Stoner’s gradual decision to distance themselves from the entertainment industry offered them new autonomy and self-knowledge. Their decisions to pursue eating disorder treatment, come out publicly as queer, and make music that represented their personal truths empowered them in new ways: “The irony of honoring my personal desires was learning that I often wanted the opposite of what mainstream society and the industry celebrated” (254). As soon as they began to follow their own heart and moral compass, Stoner felt freer. They were no longer adapting to Hollywood culture but facing their trauma and their triumphs with resolve and confidence. Stoner features the raw aspects of their self-discovery journey on the page to underscore the importance of being true to oneself to live a happy, healthy life.
Journey Toward Recovery and Healing
Stoner’s account of their eating disorder, mental health challenges, and treatment plans captures the importance of self-knowledge and self-care to personal fulfillment. At the same time, it suggests that healing is not a wholly individualistic endeavor; rather, supporting and advocating for others can facilitate one’s own recovery.
From the age of seven on, Stoner learned to disregard their mental and physical health to prioritize vocational and financial success. Stoner had few mentors to teach them how to navigate the pressures of the entertainment industry and thus never learned to do so in a healthy way. Over time, the impossible expectations of agents, managers, producers, and networks weighed on Stoner and robbed them of their self-confidence. Meanwhile, they had no time or space to attend to their complex interiority or to process their childhood trauma, nor did they have the skills to do so. By the time they were 17, they had developed a severe eating disorder that threatened their physical and mental stability. On the one hand, Stoner admits that being thin—as well as restricting their food intake and overexercising—offered them the illusion of control in a world that rendered them powerless, and thinness made them feel more worthy, valuable, and beautiful. It thus boosted their self-esteem and sense of agency. On the other hand, the eating disorder controlled Stoner physically, mentally, and emotionally while alienating them from others. Until Stoner recognized this, they could not pursue the help they needed.
The sequences depicting Stoner’s time at Remuda Ranch stress how pursuing clinical healing ushered Stoner into a new and more empowered phase of life. The longer they were in treatment, the more difficult questions they were forced to ask about who they were, what they’d experienced, and how they might grow: “Did my health issues really stem from a childhood of trauma, abuse, and emotional neglect? Wasn’t my life dripping in privilege? Weren’t these challenges, according to the Bible, a product of my own sinfulness” (199)? Stoner’s self-interrogation in this passage enacts their search for truth, meaning, and understanding. By admitting their need for help and accepting the challenge of growing as a person, they began to empower themselves. At Remuda Ranch, they formed relationships and developed coping skills that they would use for years to come as their perspective on their work, their past, their orientation, and their future changed, too. Prioritizing healing, Stoner suggests, was the first step to pursuing happiness and health.
Stoner’s memoir becomes an exercise in this process, as it allows them to interrogate their past and the way it shaped them. However, it also serves another purpose that Stoner implies was critical to their recovery: It serves as a form of advocacy. Similarly, the development of Stoner’s interest in psychology coincided with their journey toward healing. This suggests that while prioritizing one’s own needs is important, speaking out on behalf of (or otherwise uplifting) others can also be therapeutic.
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