Shift: Managing Your Emotions—So They Don't Manage You

The conclusion illustrates the practical application of emotion regulation strategies through Kross’s personal experience with a school threat. After he received an early morning text about his daughter’s school being cancelled, which he later found out was due to anonymous threats, Kross describes how he consciously employed various emotion regulation techniques to manage his fear and anxiety. Despite the legitimate fears triggered by the situation—particularly given the prevalence of school shootings in the United States—Kross demonstrates how the tools presented throughout the book can be applied in high-stress scenarios.

Kross contrasts his response to this threat with how he might have reacted years earlier, highlighting his personal growth in emotion management. The author reinforces that emotion regulation is not about eliminating appropriate emotions but rather about preventing them from becoming overwhelming. One particularly noteworthy aspect of Kross’s analysis is his observation that when parents regulate their emotions, they positively influence their children’s emotional states, indicating that the social contagion aspect of emotional management extends to family dynamics.

The conclusion culminates with a call for systemic change—advocating for emotional education in schools, workplaces, and public policy—positioning emotion regulation as not merely a personal skill but a societal imperative essential for individual and collective well-being.

Chapter Lessons

• Emotion regulation tools can be effectively applied in real-life high-stress situations, transforming overwhelming experiences into manageable ones without eliminating appropriate emotional responses.
• Emotional regulation strategies are highly individualized; people must identify and develop personalized combinations of techniques rather than seeking universal solutions.
• Regulated emotions in parents and authority figures can positively influence others’ emotional states through social contagion, creating ripple effects throughout families and communities.
• Emotional education deserves greater priority in formal education systems and public policy, as these skills are utilized daily and are essential for individual and collective well-being.

Reflection Questions

• Considering Kross’s personal example of dealing with the school threat, what emotion regulation techniques might you employ when facing your own high-stress situations, and which combinations seem most effective for your temperament?
• How might your emotional regulation practices impact those around you, particularly if you hold positions of influence in your family, workplace, or community?