Shift: Managing Your Emotions—So They Don't Manage You

Chapter 9 explores the critical transition from understanding emotional regulation tools to implementing them effectively in daily life. Kross opens with an account of Navy SEALs preparing for a high-stakes mission, highlighting how their thorough planning for contingencies enables automatic responses to unexpected situations. This military example serves as a metaphor for emotional regulation: The goal is to respond to emotional challenges swiftly and effectively, like a “NASCAR pit crew” for emotions (194).

The chapter introduces a psychological framework called WOOP (Wish, Outcome, Obstacle, Plan), which combines two independently developed concepts: mental contrasting and implementation intentions. Mental contrasting, developed by psychologist Gabriele Oettingen, involves visualizing a desired future while acknowledging obstacles. Contrary to popular belief, mere positive visualization was found to decrease goal achievement by creating a false sense of accomplishment. Oettingen discovered that balancing fantasy with realistic obstacle assessment proves more effective. Meanwhile, her husband, Peter Gollwitzer, developed implementation intentions—structured “if-then” plans that create automatic responses to anticipated situations. Together, these approaches form WOOP, a comprehensive tool for translating emotional regulation knowledge into practical action.

WOOP’s practical framework resonates with contemporary psychological research on habit formation and automated responses, though Kross’s approach simplifies complex neurological processes. The chapter acknowledges that emotional regulation is highly individualized, with no one-size-fits-all solution—a nuanced perspective that distinguishes this work from more prescriptive self-help texts. Kross concludes by emphasizing that the goal is not to eliminate emotional pain but to respond to it healthily, a perspective aligned with third-wave psychological approaches that emphasize acceptance alongside change.

Chapter Lessons

• Effective emotional regulation requires making knowledge automatic through structured planning, similar to how elite teams prepare for high-pressure situations.
• The WOOP framework (Wish, Outcome, Obstacle, Plan) combines visualization with obstacle recognition and specific “if-then” action plans to make emotional shifting more automatic.
• Emotion regulation strategies are highly individualized—what works varies significantly from person to person and even day to day for the same individual.
• The goal of emotional regulation is not to eliminate difficult emotions but to respond to them in healthier ways, recognizing that emotional pain provides valuable information.

Reflection Questions

• Think about a recurring emotional challenge in your life—how might applying the WOOP framework help you respond more effectively? What specific “if-then” plans could you create?
• Kross suggests that emotional regulation is highly individualized. Which shifting tools from the book have resonated most with you so far, and how might you incorporate them into automatic responses to emotional triggers?