Christopher Durang’s 1979 play, Sister Mary Ignatius Explains It All for You, skewers the sanctimonious dogma that informed the educational practices of many Roman Catholic schools in the 1950s. In this one-act dark comedy, Sister Mary is giving a lecture when four of her former students interrupt to rebuke her smug moralizing. As they expose the folly of her ways, she maintains her self-righteousness vocally, then viciously, and finally, violently. As the curtain rises, the theater transforms into the auditorium at “Our Lady of Perpetual Sorrows School,” and the audience, into an assembly of Catholic school students. Sister Mary, a stern-looking nun, steps to the lectern. Backed by visual aids depicting the earth, the sun, heaven, hell, purgatory, and limbo, Sister Mary expounds, without delay, on the moral order of the universe, as settled by Catholic doctrine. She explains that “limbo” was formerly reserved for unbaptized babies. Much to her disapproval, however, Pope John XXIII abolished limbo, and “[n]ow, unbaptized babies are sent straight to purgatory, where, presumably, someone baptizes them and then they are sent on to heaven.”  After clearing up some common misconceptions about “The Immaculate Conception,” Sister Mary calls for a glass of water. A young, “sweet-faced” boy appears, wearing a Catholic school uniform. As he hands Sister Mary her water, she proudly introduces her second-grade student, Thomas. She notes that “[s]even is the age of reason, so now that Thomas has turned seven he is capable of choosing to commit sin or not to commit sin, and God will hold him accountable for whatever he does.” At her command, Thomas then demonstrates his rote knowledge of the sixth commandment, and she rewards his flawless performance with a cookie. Punctuating her address with occasional chilling smiles, Sister Mary delves into the difference between venial and mortal sins. White lies and misusing the Lord’s name are examples of venial sins, relatively minor infractions that may “be worked out in purgatory.”  Mortal sins are more egregious and, without a “good act of contrition,” the sinner will suffer eternal damnation. Sister Mary warns against numerous mortal sins that risk hellfire, including “murder, sex outside marriage, hijacking a plane, [and] masturbation.” To ensure her words strike sufficient fear in her audience, she adds, “And if you die with any of these sins on your soul, even one, you will go straight to hell and burn for all eternity.” Numerous celebrities are doomed to this fate, in Sister Mary’s estimation, and among them, she counts Brooke Shields, Mick Jagger, and Zsa Zsa Gabor. Sister Mary invites those in the audience to submit on index cards any questions they would like her to answer. After reading aloud a question about the city of Sodom, she explains that the sexual misconduct in Sodom was so extreme, God had to obliterate the city. She argues that the sinful spirit of Sodom continues in places like “New York City, San Francisco, […] Los Angeles . . . well, basically anywhere where the population is over 50,000.” Responding to another question asking why St. Christopher is “no longer a saint,” Sister Mary cannot disguise her disdain for Pope John XXIII. She holds him responsible for tampering with the infallible teachings of Catholicism, declaring, “I am not convinced that when we get to heaven we may not find that St. Christopher does indeed exist and that he dislikes Pope John XXIII.” The next index card urges Sister Mary to talk more about her family. Although she complies without compunction, the details she shares suggest a disturbing childhood. She has 26 siblings, nearly half of whom have been institutionalized. After noting, “My mother was also institutionalized shortly after she started thinking my father was Satan.” Sister Mary reflects, somewhat sadly, that sometimes they found their mother “with her head in the oven,” and then they would pray for her. With “sudden joyful energy,” Sister Mary reads the next question: “Are all our prayers answered?” Her reply is a resounding “Yes,” but, she points out, “sometimes the answer to our prayers is ‘no.’” Sister Mary starts to sing but is interrupted by the entrance on stage of four costumed people. One is dressed as the Blessed Mother, another, as St. Joseph, and two others share a camel costume. In response to Sister Mary’s apparent surprise, “Joseph” identifies himself as Gary Sullivan and, gesturing toward the Blessed Mother, says, “This is Diane Symonds. We were in your fifth-grade class in 1959, and you asked us to come today. Don’t you remember?” Sister Mary doesn’t “distinctly” recall this, but, upon hearing they plan to perform a pageant written by one of her favorite former students, she enthusiastically cedes the stage to the small troupe. What follows is a bizarre, grade-school skit about the birth and death of Christ, during which the Blessed Mother parrots Sister Mary’s earlier pronouncements on the Immaculate Conception and Joseph nails a cheery-looking doll to a cross. The masquerade ends, and the four players drop their pretense. They confront Sister Mary with long-held grievances and condemn her for peddling Catholic doctrine as the absolute, final authority on moral conduct and nearly everything else. Each of their lives has unfolded in ways their Catholic education not only failed to prepare them for but for which, according to church teaching, they should “go straight to hell.” Gary is gay, and Philomena Rostovich—the front half of the camel—is an unmarried mother. Aloysius Benheim, who plays the camel’s rear-end and who, as a schoolboy, repeatedly wet his pants because Sister Mary denied him bathroom breaks, admits he now drinks too much and beats his wife. Diane Symond’s story delivers the most devastating blow to Sister Mary’s formulaic explanation of sin, suffering, and redemption. When Diane was 16, her mother was diagnosed with breast cancer. Diane prayed intensely, but the cancer spread, developing into excruciating bone cancer. On the day her mother died, Diane was raped, leading to the first of her two abortions. Diane now faces Sister Mary and confesses, “I found I grew to hate you, Sister, for making me once expect everything to be ordered and to make sense.” She pulls out a gun, but Sister Mary draws her own from under her habit and kills Diane. Unhinged with religious zeal, Sister Mary then shoots Gary, claiming she’s saving him from a life of homosexual sin. Suddenly, she is weary, and, handing the gun to Thomas, instructs him to point it at Aloysius while she rests. Durang won the 1980 Obie Award for Sister Mary Ignatius Explains It All for You.

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