Sister Wife: A Memoir of Faith, Family, and Finding Freedom

Kody Brown is Woolley’s ex-husband. She and Kody met when Kody joined Woolley’s church “after [she] turned eighteen” (23). Like everyone in the church community, Woolley was immediately charmed by Kody. He was heavily involved in the youth group and “could speak about the teachings of [her] religion in a compelling way” (23). She also admits, “[H]e was cute, with electric-blue eyes and perfect blond eighties hair” (23). Throughout the following years, Woolley developed a close friendship with Kody, who presented himself as fun-loving and charming. Woolley quickly developed a crush on him and was hopeful that he would choose her as his second wife. (He was already married to Meri at the time.) When he married Janelle instead, Woolley held out hope that he would choose her as his third wife, and her dream came true when Kody finally proposed. They married in 1994.

Woolley’s sense of Kody’s character changed drastically over the course of their marital relationship. From their wedding day onward, Kody proved to be less confident, assured, and accommodating than Woolley initially thought him to be. He “wasn’t as excited to marry [Woolley] as [she] was to marry him” (35), and he remained stoic and distant in the immediate aftermath of their wedding. He also showed little investment in his relationship with her. He didn’t plan their wedding night or honeymoon, and he remained detached and aggressive during their first sexual encounter, which caused her physical pain. Despite Woolley’s hurt and disappointment, she did not hold these behaviors against Kody. Instead, she blamed the problematic dynamic on her own inexperience.

Kody proved more and more selfish as time passed. He devoted more time and attention to Meri, Janelle, and their children, showing no concern for Woolley’s care or well-being. He did not try to make her feel comfortable in their sexual relationship, and he even accused her of being unlovable. Woolley kept trying to prove herself to Kody and to deepen her relationships with her sister wives, hoping that Kody would be more accepting of her, but to no avail. The family’s participation in the TLC television show Sister Wives only intensified Kody’s detachment and callousness. He started airing his complaints about Woolley on camera and talking about her behind her back. In one on-camera interview, he revealed that he had never been attracted to Woolley physically and that her eating habits and physical appearance were a “turn off” to him. In spite of Kody’s incessant slights, Woolley remained married to him—proving her investment in the LDS church and polygamous traditions, as well as her fear of betraying her belief system.

Woolley ultimately divorced Kody in 2021 after discovering her independence in Flagstaff. She had distanced herself from the faith in the months leading up to this point and had gained a new perspective on Kody’s hypocrisy and selfishness. Leaving Kody was Woolley’s ultimate autonomous act. This decision empowered her and allowed her to claim control of her life and fate for the first time.

Meri was Kody’s first wife and another one of Woolley’s sister wives. Throughout college, Woolley “was close with both Kody and Meri because of [their] youth-group activities” (25). In her mind, Kody and Meri seemed to have the perfect marriage, and Kody appeared to be a devoted and loving husband to Meri. When Woolley married Kody, she envisioned herself being “joined with Meri and Janelle” (35), and she expected to be good friends with both women. Despite Woolley’s optimistic outlook, tensions quickly arose between her and Meri, as Kody’s first wife proved to be jealous, controlling, and volatile. Woolley was most surprised to learn that Meri and Kody “fought all the time, even if [everyone was] hanging out, just chatting” (41). Meri and Janelle did not get along, either, and Woolley quickly assumed the role of mediator and peacemaker. She tried her best to befriend Meri, but tensions worsened when Meri started criticizing Woolley’s parenting style and ridiculing Woolley’s children.

Woolley’s honest portrayal of Meri on the page conveys her desire for openness and authenticity. Woolley admits that she considered omitting the portions describing her interpersonal conflicts with Meri, but she explains that she included them in order to accurately represent her experience of living polygamy. Her tension with Meri tainted her marriage to Kody and complicated her ability to uphold this practice. At the same time, she does make room for Meri’s personal experience on the page when she asserts that Meri isn’t a bad person and admits that she and Meri simply didn’t get along.

Janelle was Kody’s second wife and another of Woolley’s sister wives. Woolley was initially disappointed when Kody informed her that he would be marrying Janelle after Meri, as she had believed that there was still a chance that she might enter this family as Kody’s second wife. Later, throughout the early days of her own marriage to Kody, Woolley struggled to get along with Janelle. She “thought Janelle could be controlling” (40) and didn’t always feel that her voice was heard in the home. She also felt caught between Janelle and Meri, who didn’t often agree. As she states, “I felt like the middle woman between them, trying to keep the peace and bouncing around” (40).

In retrospect, Woolley admits that she struggles to understand her initial tensions with Janelle because they have become such good friends in the years since. While Woolley never developed the kinship she wanted with Meri and Robyn, she did foster a deep and loving bond with Janelle. The two learned to get along, share their lives, and bond over their maternal experiences. Janelle proved to be a constant friend and a good role model. Woolley especially admired how Janelle dealt with Kody and raised her children. She was always more independent than Woolley and took charge of her life in ways that Woolley was afraid to do. Over time, Woolley began to mimic Janelle’s bold, confident behaviors, and she found freedom and happiness as a result. Woolley still sees Janelle as her sister wife, saying, “Janelle will always be that for me. We became so close in Flagstaff—she was always the first person I could talk to” (292).