Sister Wife: A Memoir of Faith, Family, and Finding Freedom

Woolley recalls the start of Kody and Robyn’s marriage. She, Meri, and Janelle all tried to welcome Robyn and her children. However, Woolley was furious when she discovered through televised interviews that Kody and Robyn were kissing during their courtship—something none of the other wives had approved.

Meanwhile, Woolley became pregnant with Truely. She grew more withdrawn during the pregnancy and pulled away from Kody, particularly when she started realizing that he wasn’t there for her or the kids the way she needed him to be. Her frustration worsened when she learned the details of his and Robyn’s courtship. Then, when Woolley went into labor, Kody left her alone at the hospital for hours. As TLC filmed him heading back to Robyn’s and kissing her, Woolley went into labor. She was even more upset when she witnessed Kody addressing her doctor about “Meri’s infertility issues” (103) immediately after Truely's birth.

Kody became more distant in the weeks following Truely’s birth. He accused Woolley of being unlovable and insisted that she change to earn his affection. When Woolley asked Kody to have a diamond set into her claddagh ring—given that Meri and Janelle had diamonds in theirs—Kody refused. An angry Woolley threw the ring away. She now regrets this, but she understands why she did it.

In this chapter, Woolley continues reflecting on her family challenges after Kody and Robyn’s marriage. Meri was jealous, inciting her and Kody’s trip to Mexico. Afterwards, they had a family meeting where the sister wives requested that Kody and Robyn spend less time together. They also reached out to Robyn and bought her a claddagh ring like theirs. Robyn reciprocated their kindness by asking them to help plan her wedding. The celebration felt like good family time, although Woolley would later question the authenticity of this impression.

Woolley airs her frustrations and the hurt she felt regarding Kody and Robyn’s wedding. She was offended by how quickly Kody planned his and Robyn’s honeymoon and how often he remarked on her appearance. TLC filmed their honeymoon, and this is an episode that Woolley still hasn’t watched.

Kody and Robyn’s intimacy deepened thereafter. Woolley felt jealous whenever Kody went to Robyn’s house, and she was offended that he tucked in Robyn’s kids every night. Around this time, Woolley started drinking regularly—an activity that Mormons are not supposed to engage in. She didn’t understand how to come to terms with Kody’s behavior. She now wonders if things would have been different if he had been more open about his feelings for Robyn.

As Sister Wives progressed, Woolley and her family worried about the Utah authorities’ response. Woolley now believes that it is unfair for romantic and sexual relationships to be prosecuted if these relationships take place between consenting adults. Back then, Woolley hoped that her family was presenting a gentler version of polygamy. She also feared serious repercussions, remembering how her grandfather had been killed by other Mormons who believed that it was their duty to punish his sins. Afraid of how Utah would intervene in their affairs, the Browns decided to move to Las Vegas.

Woolley reflects on her family’s move to Las Vegas, as this development changed her regard for the church. At that point in her life, she started asking more questions about her faith and about polygamy. She also felt more open to new people and ideas. She grew to appreciate Robyn—how she worked with the other wives, talked to Kody, and responded during interviews. Meanwhile, Kody became more distant and disengaged in his relationship with Woolley. She confronted him about it, but nothing changed.

In Vegas, Woolley and her family had to live in separate homes, but Woolley was hopeful that she and Robyn would develop a closer relationship because their houses were so close. Instead, Woolley had to watch Kody go over to Robyn’s house every night. Meanwhile, Kody pushed Woolley away because he thought that she had bad relationships with her sister wives. Woolley tried harder to improve her relationship with Robyn. However, the more she confided in Robyn, the more she realized that Robyn would report these conversations to Kody, so she stopped sharing as openly.

Woolley admits that she loved having her own home. She had personal space and could parent her children the way she wanted for the first time. In the meantime, the sister wives met regularly with Kody to discuss finances and family matters. Even so, Woolley remained uncomfortable with Kody’s relationships with the other sister wives. She remembers the complications of writing Becoming Sister Wives with Meri and Janelle, as their portions of the book revealed information that Woolley hadn’t known.

Woolley’s regard for her marriage changed further when Kody admitted on television that he had never been attracted to Woolley. He asserted that he had only married her because of her family’s history in the church. Hearing this, Woolley was brokenhearted.

Woolley reflects on her ongoing complications with Kody and her sister wives. Dramas arose surrounding various rings that the couples had exchanged. Meri was upset when Kody melted down a ring that she had given him, and Woolley was upset when Kody wore a ring from Robyn. Kody was hurt that Woolley had discarded her claddagh ring. Finally, the four wives bought Kody a claddagh ring. Then he and Robyn designed an expensive ring for Robyn’s jewelry company, and Kody began wearing the same ring, too.

Woolley reflects on her identity as a mother, stating that she loves her kids, who are always teaching her. She reflects that although she was often frustrated with Kody’s disregard for her children, she worked hard on these relationships, and she considers herself to be a good mom.

Woolley adds new reflections on her relationship with Kody during their time in Las Vegas. She grew increasingly upset by his lack of investment in her kids, and she was jealous of his relationship with Robyn’s kids. To cope with the conflict, Woolley began hosting parties, spending time with friends, and drinking every night. She also ate heavily when she felt upset. Eventually, she realized that she needed to change. With her doctor’s help, she got into shape. Feeling better, she hoped that her altered appearance would help improve her relationship with Kody.

Woolley recalls more complications in her marriage. She was furious when Kody suggested that their family spend time with his high school friend Ken, who had insulted their lifestyle. Kody criticized Woolley on Sister Wives for being inflexible and egotistical. Woolley was hurt, but she knew that she had had less control of her emotions of late. She soon discovered that she was going through perimenopause.

Woolley reflects on her evolving regard for “Mormon underwear.” While she once thought the garments were sexy, her views on them changed. During her time in Las Vegas, she came to see them as a form of control, especially for women. Around the time she began interrogating the true meaning of the pajamas, Woolley also started questioning the balance of power in LDS relationships and in the church as a whole. She eventually lost her faith, even though she still cared about the LDS community. She now understands that she “grew up in a cult” and “raised [her] children in a cult” (171). She still believes in God, but she doesn’t adhere to LDS teachings. Some of her children’s coming-out journeys have informed her thinking.

In 2011, Woolley and her family sued the state of Utah in an attempt to overturn its anti-polygamy laws, which criminalized cohabitation with multiple sexual partners. By 2013, they had won the suit, but Utah strengthened its bigamy laws (which prohibit someone from being legally married to more than one person at a time). Woolley still has complicated opinions about this legislation but is proud that she was involved in the process.

Woolley recalls arranging a commitment ceremony for her family, as their therapist recommended. The sister wives made plans to go dress-shopping for the ceremony in San Francisco, but Truely got sick just before the trip and was hospitalized. Woolley panicked when she discovered that Truely had a chronic kidney condition. Although she begged for Kody’s support, he dismissed the severity of Truely's condition over the following weeks. The couple had an on-camera fight about the issue during an episode of Sister Wives. Woolley went to Robyn about the matter, but Robyn betrayed her trust and went back to Kody. At this point, Woolley stopped trusting Robyn once and for all. Much to Woolley’s relief, Truely's health eventually improved.

Woolley continues to reflect on the commitment ceremony, which is an LDS version of wedding vow renewals. She didn’t look forward to the ceremony because of her strained relationship with Kody. Beforehand, Kody gave her a new claddagh ring. Despite the beautiful ring, Woolley remained skeptical of her future with Kody and her sister wives. During the ceremony, they poured sand into one another’s sand canisters. Shortly thereafter, Woolley’s canister broke.

Woolley reflects on her mental health and self-care journeys, admitting that it has always been difficult for her to care for herself while raising children and balancing her family life. In retrospect, she understands that her personal neglect has been related to the church. She has since learned to prioritize self-care by taking baths and reading romance novels. Establishing healthier routines and investing in her relationships with her children has helped her to form healthier habits.

Woolley describes her relationship with painkillers. She tore her ACL and meniscus in 2016 and started taking oxycodone. Because she liked the high from the pills, she became dependent on them. Finally, she got help and overcame her addiction with her kids’ support.

Woolley recalls her last days in Las Vegas. She was enjoying life there when the family decided to move. Woolley resisted Kody’s plan to relocate to Flagstaff, but when he brought her to see the Coyote Pass property, she thought that the new place would offer the family a fresh start, as each sister wife could have her own house on the same plot.

After the move, Woolley, Janelle, Meri, and Robyn had to find their own homes because Coyote Pass wasn’t yet ready. They saved money to develop the new property, in tandem with the pooled money from Sister Wives. Meanwhile, Woolley struggled to navigate her relationships with Meri, Robyn, and Kody. With Kody, Woolley followed Janelle’s example and stopped waiting for him. She started investing in her kids, whether or not he was present, and she was more honest with her kids about Kody’s absence. Feeling more independent, Woolley realized that she might someday leave Kody.