Sounds Like Love

“It was why I moved out to Los Angeles in the first place, to chase my dreams of being a songwriter. You didn’t relocate to one of the most expensive cities in the world to wait tables and rub elbows with greasy music moguls if you weren’t a little bit enchanted by the idea of it. And you certainly didn’t write hit songs about girlfriends in suede heels and endless summer nights if you were that jaded.”

Joni’s reflections on her life in LA convey her love for songwriting and desire for meaning and purpose. Joni knows that she relocated to California to “chase her dreams,” but this passage affects a defensive tone. She insists that she’s “a little bit enchanted” by love and glamour despite her internal confusion. Her attempts to convince herself that her life in the music industry is still what she wants convey her yet-unacknowledged insecurity about her future. This passage establishes facets of Joni’s internal conflict, which she’ll have to confront in subsequent chapters.

“What was a good day, and what was a bad one? I didn’t know, those were just the ominous words I’d heard over the phone these last few months. I could have asked—maybe I should have—but I was scared to know, really. My imagination kept coming up with new bad days, growing worse and worse with every Google search, teaching me a new impossibility.”

Joni’s internal monologue about her mom’s condition conveys her fear of losing her mom. She asks herself questions about her mom’s condition and expresses doubt about her ability to help Wynona. The allusion to Joni Googling Wynona’s symptoms implies that Joni is desperate for answers but doesn’t know where to turn. Her fear over her mother’s imminent passing defines much of Joni’s time back in Vienna Shores.

“I guess I could have talked with my parents about my feelings, but they weren’t the type. They were Olympic-level champions of ignoring things. They ignored things right up until those same things became bigger things.”

Joni’s reflections on her relationship with her parents provide insight into her fear of vulnerability. She’s terrified of losing her mom but doesn’t know how to broach this topic with Hank and Wynona. The family has a habit “of ignoring things,” which precludes Joni from opening up and expressing her concerns. Joni will have to overcome this emotional block along her self-development, thematically highlighting The Journey Toward Healing and Self-Reclamation.

“I know it sounds silly, because how could a stagnant place, a pile of bricks and a few rusted steel beams and scuffed cherrywood floors be more than just walls and a roof? But when there was music in this place, it felt alive.”

Joni’s description of the Rev reiterates the setting’s symbolic significance. Although the place is defined by stagnancy, “piles of bricks,” “rusted steel beams,” and “scuffed cherrywood floors,” Joni doesn’t see the Rev’s disrepair. Rather, she regards these scenic details as evidence of its vivacity. The setting helps her reconnect to her past and reminds her why she loves music.

“Even after nine years, the way he said my name sounded so easy. Like he had never stopped. I felt that old, soft love flickering awake in my middle, because he always had such a lovely smile, and I was so glad that hadn’t changed. But then I remembered that he’d broken up with me and left, and I bit the inside of my cheek to ground myself. I was over him.”

Joni’s internal monologue during her encounter with her ex (Van) conveys her complicated feelings toward him. His presence immediately tugs her into the past, overwhelming her with bittersweet, nostalgic memories. However, the latter lines of the passage convey Joni’s desire to move beyond her longing. She’s trying to convince herself that she’s “over him” because she doesn’t want to believe that Van is still holding her back emotionally. The passage conveys Joni’s need to redefine love and intimacy on her terms.

“I scratched a deep indent into the corner of my notebook with my pen, trying to come up with something that rhymed with geyser. Not that the lyric was particularly good—how good could ‘my feelings for you are like a geyser’ be?— but it was all I had, and if that wasn’t disheartening enough, I didn’t know what those feelings were.”

Joni’s writer’s block captures how important music is to her. She’s frustrated with her inability to write a new song she’s proud of, because she has always seen her music as an extension of herself, foregrounding the theme of Music and Songwriting as Self-Expression. If she can’t write, she can’t express herself. If she can’t express herself, she fears losing touch with her authentic self. The image of her “scratching a deep indent” into her notebook with her pen reifies her artistic angst.

“I couldn’t shake the feeling that Sasha and I were opposites on a lot of things, but the one thing that we agreed on was music. I guessed there could have been worse things to agree on.”

Joni and Sebastian (Sasha) Fell’s shared love of music draws them together. Although Joni is skeptical of Sasha’s presence in her head, she’s heartened that they have a common passion. Joni understands music as a vital part of her identity. If Sasha loves music too, he might also understand Joni.

“I know it’s corny for someone to say they know how you feel, but—I really do know how you feel. […] I loved my mom a lot. She was my entire world. She was smart and fun…and I couldn’t imagine a world without her. Until I had to live in it.”

Sasha’s vulnerable tone in this scene conveys his desire to relate to Joni. He’s opening up about his mom’s death so that Joni doesn’t feel alone in her grief over Wynona Lark’s condition. He uses clear, direct language to endear himself to Joni. This moment fosters trust and intimacy between the romantic counterparts.

“I was glad for the noise—if it was any quieter, I was sure the world would’ve heard my heart slamming against my rib cage. God knows that was the only thing I heard. Sebastian Fell was Sasha. And he was in my head.”

Joni and Sasha’s first in-person meeting introduces a plot twist that alters the stakes of Joni’s narrative. Before they meet, Joni assumes that Sasha is a figment of her imagination or a stranger she’s never met before. In this scene, she learns that Sasha is Sebastian Fell—a revelation that moves her emotionally and catalyzes the characters’ forthcoming romance.

“My head spun like I was drunk on a bottle of wine, though my lips felt tender, the wind crusting them with sand and sea salt. My chest felt tight. My hands shook. That was too intimate, too soon. Too frightening to see that much of someone.”

Joni experiences a physiological response to her and Sasha’s second kiss on the beach. The figurative language she uses in this descriptive passage enacts her emotional experience. She says her head spins like she’s “drunk on a bottle of wine”—a metaphor that evokes dizziness and lightheadedness. Her chest tightens and her hands shake—physical responses that capture how encompassing the kiss was. However, the short sentences enact a halting tone, which enacts Joni’s fear of embracing this intimacy with Sasha. She has yet to learn that love can enhance her life, thematically foreshadowing The Transformative Power of Love and Intimacy, and pulls away from Sasha as a result.

“For a second, I actually thought that writing a song would be easier in person, but as I sat down at the Steinway and ran my fingers across the ivory and midnight keys, I was beginning to doubt that, too. How did we start? At the beginning, or at the melody? With lyrics or the tune or some other, secret third thing?”

Joni’s inability to write a new song complicates her self-development, thematically revealing the journey toward healing and self-reclamation. She asks herself a series of questions in the latter half of the passage, indicating her uncertainty and desperate search for direction. She wants to grow and change, but feels incapable of doing so when she can’t work on her music. This creative conflict threatens to estrange her from herself.

“‘Sometimes the dreams you come with aren’t the dreams you leave with, and sometimes you just don’t leave at all. Besides,’ she added, leaning against the bar toward me, a smile pulling at her lips, ‘you made it. And I’m so proud of you.’”

Wynona Lark’s reflections on dreams offer Joni insight into her own life. Throughout the novel, Joni has felt guilty for leaving her family to pursue a career in the music industry in LA. Wynona is reassuring her in this passage while also encouraging Joni to believe and take pride in herself. This moment underscores Wynona’s role as Joni’s archetypal guide. She offers Joni advice without discouraging or scolding her.

“I think the worst part is that no one knows, except for you—well, and my manager. I can’t even tell my best friend, because I feel like a failure. Like I shouldn’t be this way. I shouldn’t feel this. I shouldn’t have this problem—but I do.”

Joni adopts a vulnerable tone when she opens up to Sasha about her creative frustrations. Her decision to confide in him conveys her trust in him. Although Gigi has been Joni’s sole confidante for years, Joni feels ashamed to even discuss her artistic shortcomings with her best friend. Her confessional stance in this scene underscores the importance of music to Joni’s sense of self, thematically supporting music and songwriting as self-expression. She fears that if she admits to her writer’s block, they may stop seeing her as the talented, successful lyricist she wants to be.

“Wait—that was it. Jerking to sit up, I dug my notebook out of my beach bag and flipped to a clean page. The melody flared, sunny and bold, in my head. I jotted down a few chords. A word, and then another.”

Joni’s harried physical movements in this scene convey the power that her creative inspiration has over her. She “jerks up,” “digs” through her bag, “flips” through her notebook, and starts scrawling down lines of melody. The verbs in this passage suggest an urgent tone, which echoes Joni’s excitement over her new idea. This moment feels like the first break in Joni’s writer’s block.

“Did I just want to hide in a bad idea so I didn’t have to think about the storm brewing right ahead of me, made of my grief over Mom and losing the Revelry and my own lack of inspiration? Or did I actually have feelings for this man in my head?”

The questions that Joni asks herself regarding her emotional state have a searching tone. The passage also conveys her internal uncertainty. Joni wants to understand what she’s feeling and why. She must therefore ask herself these questions about her mom, her music, and Sasha to make sense of where she is and what she wants. She’s performing active self-reflective work, which is a vital aspect of her self-development, thematically emphasizing the journey toward healing and self-reclamation.

“But at what point, I wondered, was the dream too much? What if it stopped fulfilling you? What if…what if it made a deep, empty hole inside of you instead? I began to wonder. Was songwriting still my dream, or was I just too afraid of giving up something I’d already sacrificed so much for?”

Joni’s internal monologue in this scene is almost entirely made up of questions, affecting an interrogative tone. Joni is again mining her interior for answers about what she wants, what she believes, and who she is. She has chased her dreams in the past, but is unsure whether these dreams are still true to her in the present. This is a pivotal moment in Joni’s self-development, foregrounding the journey toward healing and self-reclamation as a theme; she’s privately probing her heart for answers.

“‘I don’t understand you sometimes,’ she said, her voice sounding on edge and irritated. ‘You’re on top of the world. You are accomplishing your dreams—every one of them. You have everything you wanted! You got out, you’ve lived somewhere else, you found purpose—and you’re still not happy.’”

Gigi’s blunt tone challenges Joni to accept what she has and to own her mistakes and shortcomings. As the archetypal best friend, Gigi most often supports Joni without question. By this juncture in the novel, however, Gigi is tired of giving in to Joni’s self-pitying tendencies. She takes a firmer stance with her friend, not because she’s angry with her but because she loves Joni and wants her to grow.

“And this was it. What magic felt like. How it moved. How it persisted. How it thrived. It lived in midnight joyrides with best friends, singing to stave off sleep after a night at a concert two hours away. It lived in afternoon drives with parents, howling the guitar riffs at the top of their lungs. It lived in weeklong road trips just at the corner of your memory, to places you can’t even remember.”

Joni and Sasha’s experience driving around town and listening to music reminds Joni of the power of music. She likens the feeling of this experience to magic. Music is a powerful force that not only grounds her in her authentic identity but also connects her to other heartfelt experiences. The latter half of the passage includes several metaphors that compare “the magic of music” to a humble but emotional human experience.

“I wanted to fold his fingers through mine, and I wanted to tear out the space between us, and I wanted to lose myself in the color of his eyes. I wanted to spend more afternoons at the Marge with him, and I wanted to spend nights at the Revelry, and I wanted—I wanted so much.”

Joni’s use of anaphora in this passage affects an urgent, heartfelt tone. She repeats the clause “I wanted,” underscoring her intense attachment to Sasha. She not only enjoys sharing space with him in the narrative present but also imagines a future with him. Her desire to understand Sasha better stems from their burgeoning love for each other.

“I rested my head on his chest, listening to his heartbeat. Ninety-five beats per minute. Keeping in perfect time with the melody in my head. I closed my eyes and relished the sound. Was this, I began to wonder, what love sounded like? Was this, simple and certain and scary, how it started?”

This intimate scene between Joni and Sasha thematically conveys the transformative power of love and intimacy. Joni is lying on Sasha’s chest, listening to his heartbeat as he sleeps. The couple is physically proximal, and Joni is attuned to Sasha’s body. This raw moment of connection allows Joni to believe in love’s power, beauty, and possibility.

“There were thoughts that I began, half-formed, that he immediately understood. If I didn’t know exactly the pitch I was looking for, he could find it, and if he didn’t know what word to use, I could pluck it from his head. It was creating in a way that was so intimate and organic, it felt like for a moment in time we shared the same spark.”

Joni likens her and Sasha’s romantic connection to their artistic collaboration. The way they’ve been writing their song together echoes the way they’ve been communicating as friends and lovers. The diction, including “intimate,” “organic,” and “spark,” likewise enacts the authenticity and magnetism between the romantic counterparts—connective feelings that they also derive from making music together.

“I hadn’t thought of myself as lucky. But I supposed that I was. Lucky to have met him on that balcony at the Fonda Theatre. Lucky to get to know him. Lucky enough that he wanted to get to know me. I’d been in my own head for so long, writing songs and seeing the world through them, that I’d forgotten what it had felt like to be in the world.”

Joni’s reflections on her and Sasha’s relationship convey her internal change. She’s acknowledging all that she and Sasha have shared—and the power and magic of these experiences. Anaphora—starting repeated sentences with the word “lucky”—affects an insistent tone. Joni is adjusting to her new reality with Sasha and embracing their connection, which thematically reveals the transformative power of love and intimacy.

“I felt myself smiling, but I couldn’t stop. Everything in my body just wanted to jump and dance. I wanted to shout at the sky. I wanted to tell the world that Sebastian Fell—that Sebastian fucking Fell—said I felt like home. No one had ever told me that before. I’d never been that before.”

Joni’s triumphal tone in this passage affects a lighthearted narrative mood. Joni is reveling in her and Sasha’s love for each other. She’s so excited that Sasha wants to be with her that she imagines “jumping,” “dancing,” and “shouting at the sky.” These behaviors are overt expressions of joy. Joni has finally realized how her relationship with Sasha has changed her, again reflecting the transformative power of love and intimacy as a theme; indeed, Sasha’s love has enlivened her.