Stop Letting Everything Affect You: How to break free from overthinking, emotional chaos, and self-sabotage

Chapter 1 establishes Stop Letting Everything Affect You within the popular psychology/self-help tradition. The chapter works as a starting point, helping readers recognize themselves in the patterns described. Chidiac states that some individuals feel emotions more deeply than others. He alludes to Elaine Aron’s established clinical psychology research in The Highly Sensitive Person, explaining how those with sensitive nervous systems perceive and respond to stimuli in a heightened way. Elevated sensitivity allows a more profound experience of life, and the empathy that accompanies it can enrich relationships. However, Chidiac also outlines its drawbacks if unregulated. Hyper-reactive individuals exist in a constant state of “high alert” and are likely to overanalyze and indiscriminately internalize other people’s emotions. They often mentally replay interactions in unproductive cycles and feel responsible for others’ well-being.

The author lists the personal costs of bearing the weight of other people’s emotions while neglecting one’s own needs. Although caring is a positive trait, investing too much energy in how others feel can lead to mental and physical exhaustion. Hyper-reactive individuals often tolerate unacceptable behavior from others or remain in damaging relationships. Furthermore, the realization that caring is not equally reciprocated inevitably leads to hurt and resentment.

Chidiac’s argument is broadly applicable to readers who struggle with emotional overextension and boundary difficulties. It is also scientifically supported: His description of highly sensitive individuals living in a state of vigilance, overanalysis, and emotional absorption aligns with the stress physiology model of chronic arousal and rumination research. The idea that repeatedly absorbing others’ emotions without regulation leads to exhaustion is also widely recognized in both clinical and occupational psychology, lending credence to Chidiac’s core premise. 

Chapter Lessons

• Sensitivity can enhance life experience and relationships but may also cause constant hypervigilance.
• Tolerance of unacceptable behavior can develop through excessive empathy and sustain damaging relationships.
• Insight into sensitivity and its costs creates the foundation for healthier emotional engagement.

Reflection Questions

• How do you currently view your sensitivity—as a strength, a weakness, or both? What might it look like to honor your sensitivity while also protecting yourself?
• Where do you notice feelings of resentment, hurt, or disappointment in your relationships? How long have you been carrying these feelings without addressing them?

Chidiac recounts his experience of a day that became overwhelming. On waking, he felt tired and discovered a series of messages on his phone that required responses. Rushing to leave the house, he spilled his coffee and had to change. On the way to his work meeting, he recriminated himself for leaving late and became frustrated with other drivers. Consequently, he was exhausted when he arrived at the meeting. The anecdote illustrates how emotional overload is often caused by the accumulation of many small factors.

The author states that one’s ability to cope with minor crises also depends on one’s mental state at the time. Citing psychologist John Sweller’s Cognitive Overload Theory, he asserts that when the brain “is already overloaded” (25), it cannot function efficiently, and the individual loses clarity of perspective. This explains why, on some days, a person can laugh off mishaps while, on other days, they seem catastrophic. Chidiac posits that highly sensitive individuals are more likely to react disproportionately to events because their mental space is overloaded with other people’s emotional baggage, so their energy is already depleted.

Though Chidiac discusses the concept of cognitive overload in broad terms, the chapter implicitly reflects its cultural moment: an era in which cultural and technological trends, from social media algorithms that prioritize emotionally charged content to workplaces that expect employees to be available after hours, have made feelings of being burned out and overwhelmed an increasing problem. Chidiac’s book offers individual solutions to these feelings but does not directly address the drivers of them.

Chapter Lessons

• Recognize that overwhelm often arises from a chain of small stressors rather than a single major event.
• Notice that the same setback can feel trivial or catastrophic depending on your mental load.
• Build routines that reduce cognitive load before overwhelm sets in.

Reflection Questions

• When have you reacted more strongly than expected to a minor event? Looking back, what else was occupying your mental or emotional space at the time?
• What signs tell you that your mental capacity is exceeded (e.g., irritability, confusion, impatience)? How do you usually respond to these signals—push harder or pause?

This chapter frames overthinking as a self-reinforcing cognitive loop rather than a productive problem-solving strategy. Chidiac asserts that overthinking is driven by the misconception that dwelling on a problem leads to control. As the brain dislikes uncertainty, it creates narratives around unknowable situations. For example, while an unanswered text may indicate that the receiver is occupied elsewhere, the sender may interpret their silence as avoidance or rejection. These narratives shape one’s perspective and solidify into “core beliefs,” turning misapprehensions into “facts.”

Chidiac argues that negativity bias (the tendency to assume the worst) developed because humanity’s ancient ancestors needed to be constantly alert to danger. However, the lack of genuine jeopardy in everyday contemporary life means this bias is attuned to experiences such as “embarrassment, rejection, [and] failure” (29). Consequently, the brain replays emotionally painful situations in the hope of learning from them. Variants on this basic premise are common in the realm of contemporary evolutionary psychology, though it is important to note that the framing presumes a baseline of security that is not shared by all socioeconomic, racial, cultural, etc., groups.

Chidiac anchors his argument in empirical research, referencing how Susan Noen-Hoeksema’s work on rumination showed that repeatedly replaying distressing experiences magnifies anxiety rather than providing resolution. These thought patterns persist because the brain is conditioned to engage with familiar ideas that occur most frequently, even if they are painful. Chidiac emphasizes the importance of recognizing these unhelpful thought patterns and creating distance from them.

Chapter Lessons

• Rumination creates the illusion of preparedness and safety while amplifying anxiety.
• Overthinking is a mental “prison” maintained by fear, habit, and negativity bias.
• Unchallenged assumptions can evolve into core beliefs about oneself or others.
• Identifying patterns of overthinking is the first step toward reclaiming mental energy and clarity.

Reflection Questions

• How frequently do you interpret neutral events as rejection, failure, or threat? What alternative, less threatening explanations might also be plausible?
• How much mental space do anxiety loops occupy in your day? What might you gain if that energy were redirected elsewhere?

Chidiac suggests that a key factor in anxious thought loops is failing to see the bigger perspective. He advises taking a breath when anxiety builds and reminding oneself that one’s current perspective is limited—for instance, asking whether this issue will still seem important in several months or a year from now. This advice is a form of cognitive reappraisal, particularly effective for anticipatory or socially driven anxiety. The author’s central premise—that anxious thought loops intensify when individuals become trapped in a narrow perspective—is consistent with cognitive-behavioral and acceptance-based frameworks.

Chapter Lessons

• Anxiety thrives on limited information and tends to narrow perspective further.
• Pause when anxiety escalates and remind yourself that your current viewpoint is limited.
• Ask whether the issue will matter in months or a year to reduce emotional intensity.

Reflection Questions

• Think of a recent incident that caused you anxiety. In retrospect, was the intensity of your anxiety proportionate to the event?
• Identify your current worries and ask yourself if it is possible they might feel less significant in six months or a year?