Bunnie (born Alisa Andrea Carter) traces the roots of the toxic patterns of her life to her early years. Her mother, Vanessa, was a stripper; Bunnie was raised in Houston, Texas, in the custody of her father, Bill, a musician with a proclivity for sleeping with young women. Bunnie has fond memories of making music with her father, but also remembers being fed raw hot dogs and being in the room while Bill had sex with women. When Bill was in his thirties and Bunnie was five, he married 17-year-old Mindy, who came from an abusive household.

Bunnie sensed Mindy’s abusive tendencies long before they fully emerged. She protested the marriage and refused to celebrate the wedding or call Mindy “Mom” until her father demanded it. At the wedding reception, a woman saw how upset Bunnie was and tried to kidnap her, but Mindy saw them leaving and attacked the woman.

Mindy was often both protective and spiteful. She refused to let others harm Bunnie, but alternated between being physically abusive and apologetic. Bunnie internalized this cycle of abuse; her future relationships would repeat the same pattern. However, Mindy also taught Bunnie poise, how to do her makeup, and how to keep a house. Bunnie is grateful for those lessons, but has not forgotten the mistreatment.

At an early age, Bunnie was exposed to sex and sexuality. Mindy’s younger sister, Andi, who often babysat, forced Bunnie to drink alcohol and watch porn. Bunnie’s father also had a porn addiction and frequently watched it on the family television. Bunnie didn’t comprehend what she was seeing but had a strong sense that it was inappropriate.

As a child, Bunnie was sexually assaulted several times. She was often left outside alone for long periods; she spent that time playing in the family’s boat. Twice, strange men approached her; after one of them flashed her and ejaculated in front of her, Bunnie screamed and ran. Later, Bunnie was molested by a teenage boy staying in the house. In the middle of the assault, a sudden ear pain made her scream, leading him to stop. Bunnie believes this was God protecting her.

Bunnie was also frequently made to do the chores no one else wanted, such as cleaning up dog poop with barbecue tongs. When her stepsister was born, Bunnie felt tossed aside as unwanted.

Bunnie suspects that Bill had an affair, leading Mindy to move the family to Las Vegas, Nevada, and to join a Pentecostal church. Bunnie was thrust into a new life of strict Christian rules and expectations, and was taught that her family’s previous way of being was sinful. She was no longer allowed to listen to popular music, which had been her lifeline, and had to attend church three times a week. Bunnie experienced anxiety and confusion at being told about the constant threat of Hell, not by preachers at church but by her parents, who used fear as an excuse to deliver further abuse.

Now, Bunnie is spiritual rather than religious; she believes that God would not approve of organized religious institutions.

In junior high, Bunnie and her sister were often sent back to Houston for the summers. There, they lived with the viciously abusive Andi, who was now married to a much older man who was either oblivious of or ignored how she treated the girls. One day, the violence reached its peak: Bunnie found Andi attempting to drown Bunnie’s sister in the bathtub. Bunnie attacked Andi, but Andi then took Bunnie’s sister to the bedroom and attempted to smother her. Bunnie attacked again, so Andi went after Bunnie instead. Bunnie could have suffocated if Andi’s husband had not come home, forcing Andi to stop.

Meanwhile, in Las Vegas, arguments between Bill and Mindy were constant. Mindy saw Bunnie as an outsider and a burden.

When Bunnie was bullied in school, her father taught her how to fight. She fought constantly, landing in detention often. Her parents moved her to a religious school, but this did not help; rather, Bunnie was expelled after repeatedly flushing Mindy’s cooked lunches and clogging the school toilets.

Bunnie ended up at a different Christian academy, where her rowdy behavior was nothing compared to that of her peers. She joined sports teams and made friends with a girl named Tasha after coming to her defense in drama class. Bunnie’s circle also included Michelle, a long-time best friend whose home was a sanctuary for Bunnie growing up; Stacy, a loyal but difficult friend; and Lisa, who was reliable and straight-edge. Bunnie cherishes and maintains close friendships with them all today.

By 14, Bunnie was full of anger. She often ran away from home to escape the arguing and abuse. In response, her parents nailed her door and windows shut, confining her to her room for days. Bunnie often wondered why she was stuck in a family like this. One night, when Mindy attempted to hit her, Bunnie snapped and attacked Mindy. Mindy never hit Bunnie again, but colluded with Bill to trick Bunnie into a stay at a psychiatric hospital by lying that they were going to Disneyland.

At the hospital, Bunnie met with a surprisingly warm psychologist who empathized with her situation. Bunnie remained at the hospital for almost a week, during which time she made friends with other patients and felt understood for the first time. When the psychologist told Bill that Bunnie’s problems stemmed from her home life, Bill asked for Bunnie to remain hospitalized. The doctor insisted that Bunnie did not need that level of intervention. Bunnie lost her last bit of trust in her father at his reluctance to bring her home.

For the next several months, as Bunnie disappeared or got into fights, her parents frequently called the police on her. Bunnie was sent to a youth shelter and a juvenile detention center. After getting expelled from school after a major physical altercation, she decided to run away for the last time. Bunnie packed her belongings into garbage bags and called Lisa, who picked her up at midnight. Bunnie never went back.