“My heartbeat grew sluggish in my chest, but I could still hear my pulse thundering in my ears.

No. Please. Stop him from saving me.

Because I would never be healed.

It’s your fault she’s dead.

I could feel his hands on my body.

Keep your eyes on the door.

Pressure.”

Gibsie’s first chapter introduces The Lasting Impact of Trauma that he continues to endure 10 years after his sister and father die. The passage’s structure—short, choppy lines interspersed with italicized and normal font—conveys the impact of the nightmare he is having, as his mind grapples with his trauma. Additionally, it foreshadows his second trauma of being sexually abused, which will not be revealed until later in the text. Lines like “I could feel his hands on my body” and “pressure” could apply to the feeling of drowning and being pulled from the lake, or to the feeling of Mark’s sexual abuse.

“And then I could smell her shampoo, the washing powder her mother always used on her clothes, the feel of her chest pressed to my back as she cradled my body against hers. Relief. It flooded my body with such force that it eradicated every ounce of adrenaline that had been thrashing around inside of me.”

Just after introducing Gibsie’s trauma, Walsh conveys the important role that Claire plays in helping Gibsie cope. The sense of comfort and relief that she gives him introduces The Importance of Love and Personal Connection, as Claire is vital to Gibsie’s healing.

“I wanted to make her mine, but what if I was wrong? Not us as a couple, but me as a man? What if it didn’t work? What if I didn’t work? Because I didn’t feel things with girls. I never felt anything. I was numb to the point of being dead, and if I didn’t feel things with Claire, then it would confirm that my past had truly broken me beyond repair.”

Gibsie’s narration introduces his internal conflict in the text. There are several layers of complexity for why he has not pursued his feelings for Claire: Their friendship, his fear over ruining what they have, and beneath it all, his struggle with his sexual abuse and how it will impact his ability to have a healthy relationship—even with Claire.

“And there it was. His mask. The divide that separated the sensitive boy I adored from the humorous one all our other friends enjoyed. It slipped effortlessly into place. Gibsie belonged to the rest of the world. Gerard belonged just to me.”

Claire introduces the reader to the duality of Gibsie’s character. She believes that the version she knows, “Gerard,” is hidden behind the happy-go-lucky mask of “Gibsie,” who acts as if there is nothing that bothers him. This duality will extend throughout the novel, as Gibsie grapples with reconciling The Lasting Impact of Trauma with the happy person that he wants to be.

“For a brief moment, I contemplated spilling my guts out to the lad on the other side of the line. I certainly trusted him enough to tell him. Johnny tolerated me in a way that most of the lads couldn’t. He seemed to get me, even without me telling him one word of my past.”

Gibsie’s feelings toward Johnny and their friendship adds another layer to the theme of The Importance of Love and Personal Connection. While Claire’s love and physical touch serve as an anchor for Gibsie, Johnny’s friendship and loyalty are equally important.

“Gripping the porcelain sink in our upstairs bathroom, I stared at my reflection in the mirror and honed in on the droplets of water dripping from my hair to my face, courtesy of the water I’d just splashed on my face. A shivered racked through me at the sight, and I sucked back a groan.”

The mirror that Gibsie stands in front of is a metaphorical representation of the two versions of himself. While he is desperate to overcome his trauma and enjoy the water at the beach, the hidden part of himself is still afraid after what happened to his father and sister.

“‘So, I guess I’m asking you to tell me what to do,’ I added, feeling nervous and uncertain. ‘I don’t want to upset her or make things harder for her than they already are, but I can’t sit back and do nothing.’ Like I did with you.”

Claire’s relationship with Shannon, which is explored in Binding 13 and Keeping 13, lends insight into why she chooses to speak to Lizzie’s mother and to out Gibsie’s abuse. With Shannon, she feels as though she failed her by not recognizing her father’s abuse sooner and doing something about it. As a result, she feels a personal sense of responsibility to do whatever she can to help—even if she causes harm in doing so.

“Knowing that my heart couldn’t take the kiss. Because the kiss might be a glorious one, but it would never be accompanied by the commitment I needed from him. The relationship I needed the security of. For whatever reason, Gerard offered me his heart on his sleeve, but kept the rest of him tucked behind an impenetrable wall of mystery.”

Just as Gibsie struggles with an internal conflict over his feelings for Claire, so, too, does Claire. These thoughts convey that conflict, as she wants to be with Gibsie, but also recognizes that his trauma makes him incapable of committing to her. As a result, she is torn between committing to him and risking getting hurt, or finally letting go of him. Their conflict furthers the theme of The Evolution of Friendship into Romance.

“[Lizzie’s] words were poison, and if she knew my truth and used it against me, I would stop working. I knew I would. She would use my pain as a bullet and shoot right at my heart. She would find a way to blame me. They all would. That’s why she didn’t know. That’s why none of them knew. That’s what I had to remember to forget.”

As Gibsie reacts calmly to Lizzie’s anger and verbal abuse, his thoughts lend insight into why he chooses to do so. He has chosen to keep his abuse a secret, dealing with The Lasting Impact of Trauma on his own. As he explains here, he feels somehow responsible for his own abuse, feeling as though he will be blamed for it by Claire and the others.

“‘You’ve got this,’ I encouraged, reaching up to hold his hips. ‘Three, two, one…and sit.’

Nope.

Nothing.

Gerard didn’t move an inch.

‘Three, two, one,’ I repeated calmly. ‘And sit.’

Again, nothing.

Not even a twitching toe.”

When Claire tries to get Gibsie to go into the bathwater, the scene is written humorously with lines like these to alleviate the tension of Gibsie’s trauma and fear. Additionally, it is important to note Claire’s patience, understanding, and commitment to helping him. Even when she “hold[s] his hips,” sits against him in the tub, and feels their bodies touching, it is in no way sexual, as she sees it as simply helping her friend.

“That poor girl. That strong girl. ‘Stop it,’ Lizzie, who had suddenly appeared by my side, whispered in my ear. Slipping a tissue into my hand, she nudged me toward the door. ‘Not in front of the kid.’

Pretending that I had to answer my phone, I quickly pressed it to my ear and hurried outside, holding my breath the entire time.

When I had the door of the annex closed behind me, I choked out a sob and clutched my chest, as an array of different emotions battered my heart. ‘Oh god!’”

The scene where Claire reflects on Joey, Aoife, and AJ’s life emphasizes her emotional immaturity and innocence as a character. She is so overwhelmed with emotion—just in looking at AJ—that she excuses herself from the room so that she doesn’t become emotional. In this way, Claire stands in stark contrast to most of the characters in the novel: She has never experienced trauma in the way that others have, lending insight into her immaturity throughout the novel.

“Lizzie hit the nail on the head with everything she said—and everything she didn’t say. The bare bones of it came down to the fact that Bethany died that day when it should have been me.

Lizzie didn’t say anything I didn’t already know.

Wrong.

Wrong.

It was all fucking wrong!

My sister had fallen overboard because of me.”

Short, choppy lines are used frequently in Gibsie’s thoughts. In this way, the structure of his narrative reflects the inner turmoil that he faces, as he experiences anger, heightened anxiety, and rapid thoughts as he remembers his sister’s drowning. The fact that he blames himself lends insight into why he has struggled to face his trauma, believing that he is somehow responsible for Bethany’s death—something he will never be able to overcome without talking about and facing what happened.

“Tossing her schoolbag on one of the couches, [Lizzie] made a beeline for the kitchen area. ‘Some juicy gossip.’ Leaning against the counter that separated the kitchen area from the rest of the common room, she smirked. ‘About a certain curly-haired firecracker.’

‘Me?’ I squeaked. So much for my cool demeanor.

‘You,’ she confirmed with a smirking nod.”

Although Lizzie is largely a flat antagonist due to the limited point of view, moments like this lend insight into her character. She is carefree, happy, and excited to talk to Claire about gossip, standing in stark contrast to the angry, bitter version of her that is mostly shown. These moments emphasize the fact that Lizzie, too, longs for The Importance of Love and Personal Connection.

“I shook my head and pressed a fist to my mouth, trying my hardest to find the words to deal with my best friend’s latest theory of madness. Dee was exactly what I needed in a time when I didn’t know what I needed, but there was no point in trying to explain that to Johnny. Because in all honestly, how could I expect him to understand when I didn’t understand it myself?”

Johnny and Gibsie’s conversation about Dee’s sexual abuse conveys just how deeply affected by his abuse Gibsie is. Despite the fact that she was six years older than him and that he was a child, he defends her, insisting that he “needed” attention and physical touch from her.

“If I had a shred of anything about me, I would open my mouth and talk to this girl. Tell her how I felt. Show her how highly I valued her as a human. Love her the right way. Switchfoot’s ‘Only Hope’ was as accurate as a song could be if I had to explain my feelings for her, but I would never play it for her.”

Gibsie’s thoughts convey the importance of music to his character, a motif in the novel. In the song “Only Hope,” the speaker expresses their belief that there is only one person who can save them from the “infinite cold.” The song compares the pain they are enduring and the hope of being saved to a “symphony,” which reflects how Gibsie views the world: He connects to Claire—the “only hope” of saving him—through song.

“I didn’t mean to cause the woman any pain. I would never intentionally harm another human being. All I had been trying to do was be a proactive friend who acted in her friend’s best interests before disaster struck instead of afterward. Whether or not I was right or wrong to tell her mother might still be up for debate, but there was no denying the sheer level of upset my tactless admission had caused.”

Claire’s decision to talk to Lizzie’s mother—and her true lack of understanding of the damage she did—conveys her innocence as well as her lack of understanding of The Lasting Impact of Trauma. While she believes that she did the right thing, she fails to understand how little she truly did to help. She did not speak to Lizzie—instead sending Hugh to do so—or even try to figure out what happened, instead choosing to go directly to her mother. While she has good intentions, this moment emphasizes her immaturity with regard to trauma.

“Please, God, don’t let him say it.

‘So, we should do this again sometime,’ Jamie said when he pulled up outside my house after the cinema, and the cliché phrase made me internally gag. How predictable. […]

‘I’ll see you at school tom—’

My words were cut off when Jamie planted his mouth on mine.

Completely stunned by the abrupt move, I froze with my eyes wide open, and his lips clamped shut. Oh my god. Oh my god. Ew, ew, ew!”

The scene where Claire goes out on a date with Jamie is told in a humorous tone, with Claire’s thoughts of discomfort and even disgust throughout their date. In this way, Walsh emphasizes the complete failure that Claire’s efforts were: She tried to find a replacement for Gibsie, but only discovered that nothing could replace him, once again invoking the one-true-love trope.

“I didn’t want to be in love with him, and I was. It sucked. Big time. I wanted requited love. The proper kind. Like Shannon had with Johnny. And Aoife with Joey. Well, minus the drugs and the teen pregnancy. I just wanted a real relationship.”

These thoughts from Claire emphasize her emotional immaturity more than any other in the text. She sees the relationships that the others have as “requited, “proper,” and “real,” while dismissing the “drugs and the teen pregnancy.” She fails to understand two things. First, she has the same thing with Gibsie, as he has made it clear that he loves her back. Second, and more importantly, these “ideal” relationships that she looks at were built on trauma and years of hard work to overcome it—while she sees them as simply existing in happiness.

“Now that he was free and back on his feet, Mark charged my brother, knocking all three of them onto the driveway, Lizzie included. The minute Mark landed on Lizzie, she started to scream, and it was the worst, scariest, most feral noise I’d ever heard.

‘Get the fuck off her,’ Gerard roared, momentarily calling a truce with his longtime nemesis as he rushed to her aid.”

The scene where Mark fights with Hugh in the driveway emphasizes his status as a flat villain within the text. The fact that he harms Lizzie in the process underscores his ruthlessness and lack of tact, as he is unbothered by hurting a girl. In stark contrast, Gibsie—who has a reason to hate Lizzie more than anyone else—puts aside his hate to immediately respond and help Lizzie, clearly differentiating the type of person he is from who Mark is.

“Time was supposed to be a healer, but several hours had passed and I still felt every blade of betrayal in my back, without a hint of letting up. My emotions were in turmoil, and I kept switching between thinking I made a terrible decision to doubling down on my decision to protect my poor battered heart.”

In contrast to most romance novels, Walsh emphasizes the fact that Claire and Gibsie’s relationship is going to be difficult through their fight about Dee. While she utilizes common tropes like the friends-to-lovers and one-true-love tropes, she also subverts them, making it clear that a “happily ever after” for Claire and Gibsie will not be simple like in other romances; instead, they will need to continually work hard to build a healthy relationship.

“I started to laugh, but quickly sobered when my eyes locked on the white duvet. The white duvet with a crimson-red bloodstain. ‘Oh no, no, no,’ I heaved, feeling faint as I staggered backwards. ‘You have to get me away from it,’ I begged, and then, because I was a fucking eejit, I made a run for the door, only to smack my head off the roof beam above me. The sound of Claire calling my name was the last thing I heard before everything went black.”

Gibsie’s actions after having sex with Claire—being afraid of the blood, trying to run, and knocking himself unconscious—highlight the fact that Gibsie’s character subverts the typical ideas of masculinity. With Claire, he shows his fears and vulnerabilities, unafraid of being judged by her. In this way, he is more complex than the typical male hero in romance novels.

“‘I know, and you know, but Gibsie doesn’t know we know, and now is not the place for this conversation. Not in front of all these people.’

‘I can’t pretend I didn’t s-see it,’ I choked out, throwing my arms around her. […]

‘Don’t do it,’ she begged with a sniffle. ‘Don’t make him relive his worst memories in the middle of a school dance.’”

Shannon’s conversation with Claire highlights both Claire’s innocence and the important role that Shannon plays in Claire’s character development, highlighting The Importance of Love and Personal Connection. Just like with Lizzie, Claire’s immediate reaction to Gibsie’s trauma is to tell people about it. Again, while her heart is in the right place, she lacks a fundamental understanding of the complexities of it. Shannon uses her own trauma to try to help Claire understand—something she will only succeed at doing in the final moments of the text.

“‘Don’t worry about it…’ [Johnny’s] voice cracked when he grabbed the back of my neck and pulled me roughly against his chest. ‘It happens to the best of us.’

‘I’m okay, Cap,’ I mumbled against his shoulder as he held me in his arms. ‘I’m always okay.’

‘Oh god, Gerard, is it true?’ My mam was crying in the distance.

[…]

‘Can everyone just clear out for a few minutes,’ I heard my best friend command, chasing all the voices away.”

The pivotal moment for Gibsie’s character is his emotional outburst after his trauma is revealed. His thoughts are disjointed, punctuated with italics that emphasize the fact that he is struggling to grasp what is happening around him as his memories overwhelm him. However, the thing that anchors him is Johnny, emphasizing The Importance of Love and Personal Connection. Despite his clear anger, distress, and the damage he has caused to his room, Johnny comforts him without hesitation, providing him with the support he needs in that moment.