Tell Me What You Did

This chapter is a continuation of the live-streamed conversation between Hindley and Poe. Poe describes her date with Avery. She arrived early to the restaurant. When Avery arrived, his smile identified him, “sure as a fingerprint” (150), though she noted that nothing else about him seemed familiar. In hindsight, she wonders if she was convincing herself that he looked like Hutchins because she wanted it to be him.

Avery explained that he used the picture of Randy Steven Craft because he likes women with a dark sense of humor. When she asks how he knew the name of the woman in her profile, he admits that he also reverse-searched the photo and found Margaret’s obituary.

Throughout the date, Poe’s conviction that Avery was Hutchins wavered, until she asked him about his hobbies. Avery answered that he “[tried] to carve out time…for many things” (152). His use of the word “carve” convinced Poe that Avery was Hutchins. They concluded the date, with Poe now determined to arrange a second date.

Hindley asks Poe what she planned to do on the second date. Poe replies: “[K]ill him” (154).

Poe’s father protests that he can’t listen to her describe the details of the murder. When Poe presses on anyway, he shouts at her to stop talking. He tells her that all he ever wanted was to settle down with “a happy fucking boring family” (156), but when he achieved his goal, he got bored. He admits that he cheated on Poe’s mother but felt immediately regretful and confessed the next day. The affair and murder occurred less than two months afterward.

Poe tells her father “you don’t get to choose which truths you hear” (158). She tells him that she killed Avery in her apartment in Queens, and that she cannot go to the police because of her own guilt. She tells him about her plan to speak with Hindley live. Though she knows it’s risky to allow Hindley to say anything about her in front of her audience, she is hoping that her listeners can assist in tracking him down.

On October 25th, Poe goes over to Kip’s apartment, where they reconcile. She tells him the rest of the story about her mother’s murder, and they finalize the details of the live stream. Poe returns home to prepare for the episode. Two minutes before going live, Poe asks Kip to distract Hindley during the intro, because she doesn’t want him to listen to what she’s saying.

Poe starts the show, modifying her usual introduction. She tells her audience that she witnessed her mother’s murder at 13, and that tonight’s guest claims to be her mother’s killer. She asks for their help in tracking him down, stating that she wants him to “suffer the same unimaginable pain and suffering that [her] mother endured” (163).

This chapter is a continuation of the live-streamed conversation between Hindley and Poe. Poe describes how she began to plan out Hutchins’ murder. Hindley muses that they are “basically the same” (165), but Poe denies this vehemently, stating that Hindley kills innocent people, while she killed someone who deserved to die.

Poe starts the call with Hindley. Once again, she can’t discern whether his face is familiar. She attempts to engage him in conversation, but he shuts her down, asking her to “get on with the show” (169). Poe gives her usual spiel, then prompts: “[T]ell me what you did” (169).

This chapter is a continuation of the live-streamed conversation between Hindley and Poe. Hindley asks Poe how she chose a murder method. She admits that she researched how to kill someone with minimal mess and maximal pain. Eventually, she settled on rat poison.

Hindley begins his confession. 17 years ago, he lived in Manchester. He was bored with his life and began chasing excitement by sleeping with many women, but even sex grew boring. He tells Poe that it’s a common misconception that all serial killers start by hurting animals—some, like him, go for the extremes the first time around. Poe notes that this is inconsistent with his earlier confession about pulling the wings off flies. Hindley recounts how he saw Poe’s mother at a grocery store and followed her to her care to give her his number. He says that she latched onto him because she was lonely and desperate for affection. They began an affair, but Hindley soon got bored and knew he had to decide between leaving her and carrying out his fantasy of killing her. He became obsessed with the idea of stabbing her mid-coitus. He states outright that he killed Margaret, but declines to share the details, as Poe already knows them.

Poe recalls the safe word Hindley and her mother agreed on. She asks if it would have made any difference if Margaret had said “gentle.” Hindley replies, “it wouldn’t have mattered one bit” (178).

This chapter is a continuation of the live-streamed conversation between Hindley and Poe. Poe decided to kill Avery with a fast-acting rat poison, which would induce internal bleeding. If he knew who she was, he might try to kill her on their second date, so she resolved to poison him at the first opportunity. She invited Avery over to have dinner at her apartment, planning to slip rat poison into the appetizers.

After Hindley concludes his confession, Poe tries to ask him about his real name and whether he’s been stalking her, but he refuses to answer. She shouts, “tell me who you are” (182), to which Hindley angrily retorts, “tell them who you are” (182). He tells her that there will be another live-streamed episode, and this time, Poe will tell her story. When Poe asks why she would ever host him again, he replies that she won’t have a choice.

The narrative shifts to seven years earlier, inside Poe’s Queens apartment. Avery is convulsing and vomiting on the floor after ingesting rat poison-laced food and wine served to him by Poe. She hopes that he sees her mother’s face as he writhes in agony. As Avery begins to spit up blood, Poe mocks him, saying: “[Y]ou didn’t say the safe word” (185). He asks what he did, and Poe replies that he knows.

Though Avery is clearly unwell, he isn’t dying. Poe begins to panic, realizing that she may need to kill him manually. She retrieves a pillow from her bedroom and suffocates him with it. When she removes it and sees that he has died, she feels nothing.

Poe douses Avery’s body in paint thinner, stuffs it into a wheeled tuba case and loads it into the back of a rented U-Haul. She drives to Lake Assunpink in New Jersey, where she buries the tuba case near the shoreline. She destroys Avery’s phone and deletes her dating profile. All her actions are predicated on the assumption that Avery is Hutchins, and that he will have done everything in his power to keep his identity a secret.

The narrative returns to the moments after Poe and Hindley’s first live stream. Kip calls Poe to discuss the episode. He asks what Hindley meant by “tell them what you did” (192), and Poe replies that she isn’t sure. Kip is worried that Hindley will come after Poe and wants her to call the police, but privately she hopes they don’t speak to him. She resolves to find and dispose of Hindley before he can find her.

Poe’s father knocks on her office door. He asks if Poe still thinks that Hindley might be Hutchins, and she again says that she doesn’t know. He offers to take her out to dinner, but she declines, instead pouring herself a glass of wine. She lies down and tries to think of Hindley’s face, but instead she finds herself thinking of her mother. Suddenly she sits bolt upright as she remembers the out-of-place picture. She wonders if the positioning wasn’t the real message; Perhaps the person who moved it left a more tangible message for her to find. Poe returns to her office and removes the image from the frame. On the back is a message scrawled in fresh ink: “Hi, gorgeous, I’m Margaret. Want a REALLY good time? Call me! (802) 489-6229” (196).

This chapter is a continuation of the live-streamed conversation between Hindley and Poe. Poe calls Hindley “a weak and broken man” (199). Hindley replies that he is comfortable with who he is, and that Poe is on her way to realizing the truth of her own nature. Poe says that she doesn’t regret her actions, and Hindley retorts that this is “the rallying cry of all sociopaths” (199). Poe insists that she’s a good person.

Hindley asks what happened after the murder. Poe recalls how the singular article in the NY Post was the only coverage of Avery’s death. Still, she was plagued by anxiety and nightmares for months afterward. Three months after killing Avery, she left New York and moved back to Manchester. On the drive home, she decided to get a dog and name her Bailey, after her mother’s “love of espresso martinis” (200).

The day after the first live stream, Poe wakes up feeling like “a zombie.” She is reminded of how she felt after killing Avery. Poe calls Kip, who expresses worry for her mental state and asks to come over, but she declines. Poe’s listeners are hard at work looking for Hindley, but no one has found anything of note yet, except for the fact that he writes with his left hand. Poe recalls that Hutchins stabbed her mother with his right hand and feels hopeful that Hindley is not Hutchins.

Kip asks if there’s anything else Poe hasn’t told him. She realizes that, despite her love for Kip, she does not fully trust him. In fact, she doesn’t trust anyone except her father. Poe starts to wonder if Kip is working with Hindley but catches herself before she spirals into a panic.

Kip tells Poe that his father used to physically abuse him, beating him with his hands and with a wooden spoon. His mother never found out, and Kip’s father acts like the abuse never happened. Poe understands that Kip is telling her this to show that “even he has secrets” (206). She is not angry at him for keeping this from her and feels closer to him now that he has told her.

Poe’s father walks into the room and informs her that the police are outside.

Poe exists her room to find two police officers standing in the living room. One of the officers informs Poe that the mayor sent a police dispatch to the house after listening to last night’s live stream. Poe’s father begins to tell the police about Hindley, but Poe cuts him off, stating that everything is fine. After the police leave, they argue about whether they should be honest. Poe insists that involving law enforcement risks sending her to jail. Her father begins to cry, saying that he can’t lose her too. They embrace, and Poe thinks to herself that “the truth always finds a way of coming out” (210).

This chapter is a continuation of the live-streamed conversation between Hindley and Poe. After moving back to Manchester, Poe suffered from depression and insomnia. She was prescribed Xanax and Ambien. Hindley remarks that her dependence on these drugs sounds like a form of self-harm, but Poe doesn’t see it that way.

Hindley asks if Poe ever attempted suicide. Poe replies that she accidentally overdosed on pills and alcohol one night while her father was already asleep. As she felt herself fade, she reflected on her past and realized that she had not had a good life and had squandered the potential of her future. The next morning, she threw out her pills and decided that it was time to go forward with her life. She tells Hindley that her attempts to move on were working until he showed up.

Poe reads through the comments on her live stream. It feels strange to see strangers discussing her mother’s case, but there is no useful information being shared. She checks her email to find a message from Alice Hill. Alice has listened to the episode and warns her not to trust anyone, and to fight “with every last shred of [her] soul (215).

Poe returns to the message on the back of her mother’s photo. Her father enters the room and offers her a glass of wine, but she declines. Reluctantly, Poe dials the number left by Hindley.

When Hindley answers, his voice sounds like Hutchins’. Poe begins screaming vitriol at him, telling him that she wants him to die a slow and painful death at her hand. She is conscious of her father watching her and wishes he wasn’t there but realizes that she must push past her fear of vulnerability to track down Hindley.

Poe tells Hindley she’s not convinced he’s Hutchins. She asks him which email address he used to write to her mother, and he answers correctly. Hindley says that he is ambidextrous and reminds Poe that he knows her mother’s safe word, which was not in the police report.

Poe asks if the name Leonard Avery means anything to Hindley, and he responds, “that’s the name of the innocent man you killed in New York” (222). He tells Poe that he has been following her for a long time. Poe asks Hindley what he wants, and he reiterates that he wants to do a second live-streamed episode.

The next morning, Poe drives to the grocery store, determined not to let Hindley’s stalking stop her from living her life. She has a hunting knife in her glove compartment but wonders if she should buy a gun.

As Poe drives home, she notices a white van following her. After she pulls in, the van slows to a crawl in her driveway, and the driver throws something out of the window before driving away. Poe walks up to examine the object and finds a clump of raw ground beef. She realizes that it is a threat from Hindley: “This is what will become of you” (228).

Inside, Poe shows her father the ground beef. He reiterates his desire to contact the police, but Poe continues to push back, admitting that she’s scared of going to jail. She asks her father to wait until she’s sure Hindley isn’t Hutchins before involving law enforcement. He suggests that they leave Manchester for a while and go somewhere where no one can track them down. Poe agrees to meet her father at an Airbnb the next morning, as she has promised to have dinner with Kip tonight.