Tell Me What You Did

A key plot point of Tell Me What You Did is Poe’s struggle to keep several major secrets. At 13, she witnessed the brutal murder of her mother. At 23, she tracked down and killed the man she believed responsible. No one in Poe’s life knows about these experiences, not even the two people she holds closest, her father and her boyfriend Kip. Tell Me What You Did explores how carrying these secrets weighs heavily on Poe, to the point of destroying her life. By chronicling Poe’s transformation into a more open and honest person, Wilson highlights that a willingness to be vulnerable is key to forming close relationships and healing trauma.

At the start of the novel, Poe has high walls up, admitting: “[S]ometimes I even lie to my dog” (52). She keeps most people at a distance with her sardonic personality. She lies to Kip about her mother’s death, telling him that Margaret died in a car accident, and conceals from her father the truth about witnessing the murder. She hides the murder she committed at 23 from everyone. Poe perceives herself as fundamentally different from everyone around her. The only time Poe allows herself to be vulnerable is when she converses with the people who call into her podcast—speaking to other people who have committed a violent crime makes her feel more comfortable with herself.

Poe’s guardedness leaves her isolated both physically and mentally. The trauma she experienced at the hands of Hutchins has left her terrified that exposing any part of her true self to the world will lead to further harm. As she states, “I live a life purposefully isolated, just to minimize the chances of being caught in a vulnerable moment” (52). Poe lives in an out-of-the-way farmhouse and has almost no close relationships. Kip is aware that Poe is holding something back from him. Her secrecy damages the relationship, leading Kip to give her an ultimatum; If she can’t be honest with him, he will end their relationship.

Poe’s reticence to tell anyone about her past means that she copes with her trauma alone, often self-medicating by drinking heavily. She is haunted by nightmares she cannot share with anyone, and she has no one to speak to about the fear she experiences daily. Poe’s isolation leaves her vulnerable to Hindley, who preys on her fear of having her past exposed. He uses his knowledge of her life as leverage to emotionally torture and manipulate her. Poe refuses to go to the police until late in the novel, unwilling to expose herself to scrutiny that might uncover her murder of Hutchins. Her hesitance to involve law enforcement allows Hindley to escalate his threatening behavior, going as far as attempting to kidnap Poe’s father and successfully abducting Kip.

Hindley’s threats ultimately encourage Poe to tell Kip and her father the truth, motivated by a desire to reveal her secrets on her own terms rather than waiting for Hindley to expose them. The confessions are difficult; Her father is deeply upset to learn that she witnessed her mother’s murder, and Kip struggles to accept that the woman he loves committed and concealed a murder. Poe tells Kip “we are who we are…we either move forward together or separately” (318).

As the narrative progresses, Poe slowly comes to terms with the violence she has endured as well as the violence she has committed. Her journey toward vulnerability is aided by her loved ones. Both Poe’s father and Kip confess their own secrets to her, reassuring her that she is the only one with flaws and secrets. Poe’s friendship with fellow survivor Alice Hill helps her let her guard down further, confiding in someone who has gone through a similar trauma. Alice teaches Poe that “happiness is a choice” (285) she can still make, despite what has happened to her.

In the final chapters of Tell Me What You Did, Poe decides that she is “done running.” She has confessed her full truth to everyone she cares about, and Hindley has publicized her story to the world at large. No longer able to bury her past, Poe instead embraces it. At trial, she claims the murder of Hutchins with pride, proud to have stopped a serial killer. Though Poe ends the novel in prison, she is in a far better state emotionally. Her newfound ability to be vulnerable has brought her closer to her loved ones and freed her from the weight of her secrets. For the first time, she can imagine a happy future.