The authors present anxiety as a common experience that can have an impact on one’s life in a positive way (e.g., by motivating one to prepare for dangers) or a negative way (e.g., by causing problems in one’s life). The authors state that fear and worry are helpful when they cause people to prepare for a threat and to act to avoid the threat. However, when fear and worry continue after a threat has passed, or when the fear and worry are greater than the threat, then the fear and worry are maladaptive. The authors argue that chronic anxiety can impede one’s ability to think clearly and perform effectively and can lead to physical problems, including fatigue, muscle tension, and gastrointestinal or cardiovascular issues. In addition, Cutler states that anxiety has multiple causes, including biological vulnerability, genetics, and learning through conditioning. Therefore, if one’s anxiety becomes severe or continues over time, one might need to seek the advice of a doctor and possibly receive medication. For most everyday worries, however, the authors recommend ways to handle anxiety without medical attention, such as maintaining healthy habits, having supportive relationships, developing a sense of compassion, and practicing cognitive intervention.

The Dalai Lama provides a practical method to address anxiety, stating that valid fears (for example, the fear of violence) differ from fears that result from mental projections. His primary recommendation for addressing anxiety is thinking rationally: Assess whether the fear has a rational basis and, if it does, respond appropriately (i.e., do something about the problem that is causing the fear) instead of continuing to worry. To diffuse anxiety, the Dalai Lama provides a simple decision rule: If a problem can be solved, concentrate on finding a solution. If a problem cannot be solved, accept that reality and stop wasting time worrying about it. A key aspect of this approach is to face the problem and decide whether one can resolve it. The Dalai Lama recognizes that in some cases, anxiety will not change quickly (particularly if the anxiety has significant biological underpinnings).

To address social anxiety and the fear of looking foolish, the Dalai Lama recommends two methods: proper motivation and honesty. When the Dalai Lama speaks publicly, he remembers that his motivation is to benefit others rather than to impress them. Therefore, he shares what he knows and admits what he does not know. By doing this, the Dalai Lama reduces his concern about how others judge him and increases his confidence in public speaking. More generally, the chapter suggests that acting with true motivation, which is typically based on compassion, can protect one from feeling guilty or embarrassed because of failure. That is, if one acts with good intentions and genuine effort, failure will not necessarily indicate that the person lacks confidence.

Regarding self-esteem, the authors caution that excessive confidence (inflated self-assurance) and inadequate confidence (low self-esteem) can both be destructive. The Dalai Lama states that assessing confidence by examining the rationale behind it and the results of it can help create durable self-esteem. The authors note that durable self-esteem involves being aware of one’s capabilities and having a self-image that focuses on serving others rather than on one’s ego. In addition, the authors examine self-hatred as a culturally influenced phenomenon rather than as a universal emotion. They recommended that one counter self-hatred by recalling the underlying desire to find happiness in oneself and by reminding oneself of the human potential for intelligence and determination that exists within everyone as a “strength” to prevent despair.

Most of the tools that the authors propose in this chapter are similar to strategies used in cognitive-behavioral therapy (reappraisal, problem-solving, acceptance), combined with motivation based on values. The chapter’s emphasis on ruling out medical causes is a practical reminder that persistent anxiety can have treatable biological components, and the methods that the authors outline in the chapter attempt to diminish the suffering that worry creates, regardless of whether the uncertainty is real.

Chapter Lessons

• Sort your fears into “valid” concerns versus projections and test them with evidence.
• Decide whether a worry is solvable; act on solutions or accept what cannot be changed.
• Anchor anxious situations in a sincere motive (e.g., help, respect, avoiding harm) rather than approval-seeking.
• Practice honest self-appraisal: Name what you can do, what you can’t, and what you’re still learning.

Reflection Questions

• Pick one recurring worry: Can it be remedied, and what is one concrete step you can take this week? If it can’t be remedied right now, what would “accepting the fact” look like in daily behavior?
• In a situation where you fear judgment, what sincere motivation could you foreground to steady yourself?