The Book of Alchemy: A Creative Practice for an Inspired Life

Jaouad describes how she was afraid of mice for years, largely because of an incident that took place shortly before she was diagnosed with cancer. While living in Paris, she began to feel inexplicably ill. After numerous tests and inconclusive diagnosis, her doctor advised her to return to New York. The night before she was scheduled to fly home, her then-boyfriend discovered a mice infestation in their apartment which horrified Jaouad. She began to see them as an omen, especially because she was diagnosed with leukemia weeks later, and fear became the dominant emotion in her life.

The presence of fear persisted for months, even after her treatment and when she was in remission, until she finally undertook her 100-day solo trip across the country. In the process of doing so, she was forced to face one fear after another, eventually coming to the realization that running from a fear only made it loom larger; confronting it took away its power. 

The fear of mice, however, persisted into the next decade of Jaouad’s life, as she had come to view them as “harbingers of doom” (63). After she mistook a pouch of patchouli for a mouse in her bedroom closet and went into a panic, her neighbor Jody pointed out that Jaouad needed to address this fear. She eventually did so through clinician-directed therapy, and over the course of this process, she has come to see that overcoming fear has less to do about the absence of it than about persisting in the face of it. She hopes the following essays and prompts will help the reader make peace with their fears.

“Guilty Until Proven Innocent” by Liana Finck

Liana Finck describes how, for years growing up, she was accused of secretly dropping bits of dog food into her family’s pairs of boots. Despite her denials no one believed her, until eventually one of their close friends, when they heard the story a decade later, finally pointed out that it was the work of mice. Finck asks the reader to share their own stories about vermin.

“What Else?” by Molly Prentiss

Molly Prentiss describes a time when, caught in a fit of melancholy, she called her mother. Understanding that her daughter was upset, Prentiss’s mother let her cry on the phone, gently drawing out everything that was bothering her by continually asking, “What else?” At school pick-up, Prentiss discovered that her daughter, too, had had a miserable day, and they commiserated together. The next day, all cried out, the two of them woke up feeling much better. Prentiss encourages the reader to engage in their own “What else?” until they feel some catharsis.

“The Glorious Awkwardness” by Jon Batiste

Jon Batiste describes an awkward encounter he had at the Lincoln Centre when he unexpectedly ran into the famous musician couple, Beyoncé and Jay Z. Overwhelmed and awestruck, he fumbled through conversation with them, then quickly beat a hasty retreat in embarrassment. Batiste asks the reader to reflect on a similarly embarrassing moment from their past and what they learned from it.

“The Wisdom of No Escape” by Laura McKowen

Laura McKowen reveals that her four-year-long relationship ended earlier in the year, and despite the pain of this heartbreak, she has not turned to alcohol as she is 10 years sober. She recognizes that holding space for her pain and living through it, instead of escaping from it like she used to in the past, is proof of her resilience. She asks the reader to reflect on the ways they sometimes choose to escape their own pain.

“If You Really Knew Me” by Noor Tagouri

Noor Tagouri describes an exercise she often does with an audience she is meant to address, asking people to share something about themselves by starting the sentence with, “If you really knew me” (76). Recognizing that being known mean people don’t have power over you, Tagouri asks the reader to write their own statements and reflect on how being known this way would change their life as it is today.

“Weeding” by Hollynn Huit

Hollynn Huit describes returning home from a trip away and putting off weeding her garden because the task seemed too overwhelming. However, when she eventually got started, she realized how much easier it was than she had believed, and she was done faster than anticipated. Huit asks the reader to share a time when they, too, encountered something that ended up being far less difficult than they had initially dreaded.

“Whenever I Feel Afraid” by Sarah Levy

Sarah Levy describes the fear of failure she has felt since she was a young girl, and how she learned to pretend her way through the fear. This fear persisted through her journey with sobriety, first as worry that she would relapse, then, when she remained sober, that the “sheen” would wear off. Eventually, she began to reframe these fears as reminders of everything she had gained and doesn’t want to lose. She invites the reader to write about their biggest fear of failure.

“The Mayor’s Underpants” by Lindy West

Lindy West describes how she gets caught in a Stardew Valley gameplay loop when she is actually supposed to be writing a book, the former serving as a distraction. A friend helps her reframe and apply the gameplay loop to her actual life, allowing her to return to the routine she is actually meant to be keeping. West asks the reader to reflect on if they are similarly avoiding something big in their lives in favor of a compulsive distraction.

“Sing Out, Louise” by Nafissa Thompson-Spires

Nafissa Thompson-Spires describes her experiences with performance and theatre growing up, and how she came to love both over the years. During an 11th-grade drama production, however, an admonishment from a teacher led her to realize that there is a place for both modesty and for persona, and good artists know when each is appropriate. She invites the reader to try on a persona for a moment and reflect on how it feels after.

“Rewiring” by Margo Steines

Margo Steines describes her experiences working through past trauma and rewiring her anxiety after she experienced postpartum mental health issues. She invites the reader to reflect on a similar challenge from their own life and how they addressed it.