The Book of Disquiet

“I have to choose what I detest—either dreaming, which my intelligence hates, or action, which my sensibility loathes; either action, for which I wasn’t born, or dreaming, for which no one was born. Detesting both, I choose neither; but since I must on occasion either dream or act, I mix the two things together.”

Bernardo Soares’s elliptical sentence structure enacts his contradictory thought patterns. Soares is meditating on his relationship to his dream life. He is attached to his dreams, although they feel oppressive. At the same time, he knows if he were to let go of his dream life he might not survive his otherwise banal reality. The passage introduces the novel’s theme of Imagination as a Source of Meaning, underscoring Soares’s conflicting regards for his imagination and his reality.

“The image of myself I saw in mirrors is the same one I hold against the bosom of my soul. I could never be anything but frail and hunched over, even in my thoughts. […] To love myself is to feel sorry for myself. Perhaps one day, towards the end of the future, someone will write a poem about me, and I’ll begin to reign in my kingdom.”

The image of Soares’s reflection repeating in mirrors serves as a metaphor for his fractured sense of self. The paradoxical phrase “towards the end of the future” suggests that his kingdom—the kingdom of the imagination—is incompatible with reality. The longed-for event—his accession to the throne—will happen only in a time that cannot exist.

“We’re all slaves of external circumstances. A sunny day transports us from a café on a narrow side street to wide-open fields; an overcast sky in the country makes us close up, taking shelter as best we can in the house without doors of our own self; the onset of night, even in the midst of daytime activities, enlarges—like a slowly opening fan—our awareness that we ought to rest.”

The time Soares spends in public spaces helps him understand the interconnection between his internal and external realities. Everything he sees and observes—the cafés, streets, and sky—offers a portal into his imaginary dream worlds. He can travel in time and space in his mind. His tactile surroundings offer gateways to alternate realities beyond his present circumstances. The moment contributes to the novel’s theme of