The Book of Disquiet

Soares experiences an apocalyptic feeling. He is overwhelmed by life’s futility. He feels lonely but can’t stand being around people. He feels most content when he’s lying in bed. He looks out at the flowers in his garden and dreams of the country. He becomes lost in thought, dreams, and himself. He tries focusing on life’s simple pleasures, like smoking cigarettes and drinking coffee.

Soares writes notes on how best to dream. He thinks avoiding drugs is important to effective dreaming but notes that drinking does fuel his dream life. He stresses the importance of inaction to dreaming. Disdaining life also helps facilitate effective dreaming, as does reading books and writing. Soares surrenders to his own dreams, lets go of reality, and writes. He feels like God.

Soares considers how children experience the world through play and imagination; children think more like poets than poets themselves do. He considers the relationship between the state and the individual, reflecting on the powerful forces that try to control humans, taking into consideration the impact of his environs on his consciousness. He wonders if change is actually possible and decides that death defines everything.

Soares meditates on the death of Bavaria’s King Ludwig II. He writes a eulogy for him, musing on his life, death, and legacy.

Soares imagines other worlds. He feels as if he is traveling across continents in his mind. He wakes and feels as if he has aged countless years. He imagines a woman joining him. He gets lost in this dream. He and the imagined lover move through beautiful landscapes together. The dream continues, and Soares is overcome by peacefulness. The flowers in his surroundings move him. He feels himself merging with the landscape.

Waking from his dreams, Soares thinks about life, love, and death. Love still seems absurd, but he is caught up imagining a relationship with a woman he observes regularly at a café. Soares writes the woman two letters, declaring his interest and affection.

Soares laments his life. He doesn’t have friends and feels that his entire experience “has been a struggle to adapt” (427). He considers suicide but realizes he does enjoy life despite his despair. He records a list of maxims about life. Then he records his observations of nature in both urban and rural settings. He muses on how others see him and how his beliefs relate to other philosophies. He dispels these thoughts, deciding his dreams are where he feels most secure in himself.

At other times, Soares grows depressed and feels frustrated with his dreams. He’s overcome by questions about his emotions and imaginings. Even still, he writes an ode to the Lady of Dreams, lauding her beauty and mystery. He tries holding on to her at all costs.

Soares returns to his writing. He muses on his book, alternatively regarding it as genius and absurdity. He addresses Beauty, Matter, and Time. He tries finding strength in his dream life but is overcome by shame and despair. On a walk, he studies the natural world and feels comforted. He feels more certain of love, too.

Soares muses on his dreams once more. He thinks about his writing and its purpose. He has made dreaming his life—which helps him experience new sensations. He doesn’t record his dreams with publication or fame in mind. Observing, dreaming, and writing are instead ways for him to experience beauty and love. Humanity is nothing more than “a vast decorative motif” (460) he can use for his work.

One autumn night, Soares takes imaginary trips in his mind. He thinks of all the places he could go, what they’d feel like, and what he’d see. He never takes these trips in reality, but they feel true to him.