57 pages • 1-hour read
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Content Warning: This section of the guide includes discussion of physical and emotional abuse, addiction, substance use, pregnancy loss, disordered eating, mental illness, illness, and death.
When Jet receives her acceptance to nursing school, she texts an overjoyed Shauna. An hour later, Shauna brings over an envelope for Jet, who opens it to find money from Michael for her schooling. She is overwhelmed by the generosity. She also texts Davis, checking in, and reminds him that he and his family can visit any time.
Jet did not tell Elise about Davis until after they met. When she did, Elise was shocked, sure that Lillian would have told her. When Elise offers to leave when Davis and his family come, Jet assures Elise that she is just as much a part of the family as anyone else.
Davis visits in February with his wife Bekah and two kids, Liam and Marigold. Throughout the visit, Jet feels a connection growing between herself and Davis’s family, wondering if this is what it is like to have a family. Before they leave to visit Lillian’s grave, Jet watches Davis patiently tie Liam’s shoe and is amazed to see this man, who overcomes the pain in his life and becomes a loving and caring man.
Elise has a bladder infection that quickly turns into a kidney infection. Jet takes her to the hospital, where they discover the antibiotics did not work and prescribe her new ones. The next day, Jet finds that Elise died in her sleep. Jet calls Ryan, shocked by how palpable her grief is.
Jet and Ryan work together to plan Elise’s funeral. When Jet notices how upset Shauna is over Elise’s passing, she realizes that Lillian’s passing must have been difficult for her. For the first time, Jet understands that everyone else struggled after Lillian’s death, too. She watches Shauna and Ryan comfort each other and is surprised when Kendi tells her that they helped each other overcome Lillian’s death.
After the service, Jet and Ryan go out to eat and reminisce about Elise. As she listens to Ryan talk about his mother, Jet realizes they have a lot in common because they were both raised by Elise. She feels she can make the effort to let him be present in her life.
Jet arrives at Kendi’s apartment in Houston and rushes to the rehearsal dinner of the wedding she is shooting. She pays close attention to the bride and groom, as well as the groom’s parents, seeing the different sides of a relationship. While the bride and groom are infatuated with each other, Jet overhears the groom’s parents arguing. The groom’s mother complains that she is losing her last child, and her husband comforts her, chuckling.
Back at Kendi’s apartment, Jet asks him about his girlfriend, but Kendi brushes her questions off. He instead talks about his work and how he likes to fly in his spare time. He is shocked when Jet admits that she is not only afraid of flying but has never done so. Kendi promises to make her try it, but she refuses. As she tries to fall asleep, she realizes she has feelings for him.
The next day, Jet photographs the wedding. She listens to the bride’s vows about the patience and kindness of the groom and how he helped her open up to love. Jet realizes that she is not the only one hurting, and love is worth it, even if she may lose it. As she watches the ceremony, she imagines herself and Kendi in the bride and groom’s place.
When Jet comes home, she begs Kendi to tell her about Anna, because if he does not, she will kiss him. Kendi admits he made up Anna because he thought that if Jet knew he was single, they could not be friends. Jet admits that she was lying to herself about her feelings, too scared to enter into a relationship because of how it could go wrong. They kiss, and Kendi admits to being in love with her since they were kids. Jet tells Kendi she loves him, too.
Kendi and Jet split their weekends between north and south Texas for the first year they are together. One Sunday, as Jet goes to leave, needing to go home for “Photography Sunday” with Ryan, Kendi asks her to stay, saying he has a surprise. Jet does not want to miss her tradition with Ryan, thankful for any time she spends with him while he is in recovery. Kendi tells her that he asked Ryan if she could skip it, and he agreed. Kendi has a surprise for Jet.
Kendi plans to take her flying, and despite her fear, Jet agrees. She hates every second of it, and Kendi feels so bad that he takes her out for steak afterward, where he proposes.
Back at Kendi’s apartment, Ryan, Shauna, and Michael are there to celebrate. Jet escapes briefly to the balcony and wishes Lillian were there. Ryan suggests that he would like to dance with Jet at the wedding, but only if she wants to.
Before bed, Jet tells Kendi about her habit of throwing up. It is not something she does much anymore, but she wants him to know since addiction runs in her family. She tells Kendi he can back out, but he refuses.
During Jet’s first delivery as a midwife, she must find the baby’s heartbeat. This reminds her of when she played doctor as a child, and Lillian helped Jet find her heartbeat before whispering the words “I love you” into the stethoscope. When Jet found Lillian dead, her first thought was to use this same stethoscope to find her mother’s heartbeat.
Lillian was an organ donor, but Jet was relieved that enough time had passed between when Lillian died to when she was found that the window for organ donation closed. She thinks of how Lillian lives on in her own heartbeat, and she begins to think that she may want children of her own.
Ryan meets Davis and his kids at Jet’s house, reminded of Lillian with every glance at them. Marigold and Liam are in the wedding, and the reminder of Lillian makes him crave alcohol.
On the day of the wedding, Ryan is continually reminded of Lillian. When he and Jet do their father-daughter dance, he is amazed at how she can dance when it feels like she just took her first steps. Ryan cries and apologizes to Jet, thinking of all their lost years. She tells him to focus on the present, in which they are together, and he feels thankful to be included on a day from which he feels he should be excluded.
Jet and Ryan continue Photography Sundays even after she is married, and Ryan does his best not to drink before them. Jet does not trust him to drive, so they take her car, an old Corolla that Elise gave her. Ryan realizes that even though the car is old, she does not want to lose the connection with Elise. He asks if he can at least fix her passenger-side window, which does not roll down, and opens her glove compartment to find the manual.
Ryan finds an unopened pregnancy test, and Jet reveals that she is pregnant. He asks Jet if she wants kids, and she tells him that she is unsure. He also finds the unopened letter. Jet reveals that she does not want to know if Lillian was actually different than who she thought she knew. Ryan encourages her, saying it is better to know the real Lillian. He leaves her in the car so she can read it alone.
In 1974, Lillian puts a picture of her pregnant self in an envelope along with a note. Eight years later, as Ryan cleans out Lillian’s apartment, he finds the unopened envelope, inside of which he finds an unfinished letter, telling Jet about his and Lillian’s pregnancy loss, and of Lillian’s first pregnancy.
Jet joins Ryan outside the car and tells him that she realizes Lillian was alone and could only choose between one loss and another. When a snake slithers by, she expresses concern for having a child, considering the risks out there in the world. Ryan remembers his own anxiety when Jet was born, and how only alcohol could quiet it. Ryan asks if Kendi knows about her pregnancy, and Jet says no. When Ryan asks what she is going to do, she does not have an answer.
In 1986, as Ryan drank shot after shot of liquor, he felt great, then bad. When Lillian looked at him in disappointment, he was reminded of his father, making him want to drink more. The next morning, Ryan felt fine, though as he cooked breakfast, he noticed his hands shaking. With Lillian in the shower and Jet in her crib, he pulled out his secret bottle of liquor, taking a swig to feel better.
Ryan felt as though he was taking revenge against Barton, proving he could have his gallery, his family, and drink. When he called Barton to tell him of Jet’s birth, his father brushed him off, angering Ryan.
One day, Ryan came home early after a stressful day at the gallery. He wanted to give Lillian a break, so he took Jet and put her to bed, though she cried for nearly two hours. To help himself, he drank some beers. Lillian began talking about buying a house. He knew they could not afford it, and all the noise and stress overwhelmed him. Watching as though he was outside of his body, he saw himself throw a bottle at Lillian.
Lillian left with Jet, and then Ryan left too, seeing himself as his father and unwilling to risk hurting them. Lillian insisted it was an isolated incident, but Ryan disagreed. He drank to feel better, then drank to feel worse to punish himself.
Now, Ryan arrives at Jet and Kendi’s house early one morning, and they tell him they are having a girl. They plan to name her Apricity. Their joy reminds him of the early days between him and Lillian, and he wishes he could go back. He also thinks of how quickly things change and hopes this does not happen to Kendi and Jet.
Later, Kendi takes Ryan flying with him for the first time. He sees why Jet hates it but finds himself enjoying the ride. He tells Kendi that he will be a great father and apologizes for the pain he caused Jet.
Ryan meets Apricity when she is only eight hours old, but the next day, he realizes he was too drunk to remember her face. That same day, Alan, who is in recovery, comes into the gallery and talks with Ryan about his sobriety. Ryan asks Alan how he does it, and Alan explains that he could either be happy with alcohol or happy with his son, and he chose his son. Alan offers to take Ryan to an AA meeting nearby the next day, but Ryan declines.
That night, Ryan goes home and drinks until he passes out. He wakes up the next morning to a text from Jet, telling him to stop by and see Apricity. He realizes he wants to be there for his granddaughter in the ways he could not be for Jet. He texts Alan and asks to accompany him to the AA meetings.
Ryan gains a better understanding of his condition and works towards sobriety. He wants Apricity in his life. One day, as he takes out an old book, a paper falls out of it. It is the slip with his phone number that he gave to Lillian on the day they met.
Ryan writes a letter to Apricity, explaining how, despite his addiction, alcohol is a small part of his life. He tells her that alcohol does not automatically mean addiction. Ryan reflects on why he started drinking, saying his heart needed comfort. He hopes for Apricity that she is surrounded by so much comfort in her life, she will never need alcohol.
Ryan is sober for five years and seven months. He watches as Apricity grows up, going to birthday parties, taking her for walks, and reading her books. She loves him, constantly wanting to be with him. Ryan sells the gallery and spends more time with her.
Ryan will not live to see Apricity’s sixth birthday. He is diagnosed with advanced cirrhosis. Jet and Apricity visit him in the hospital. He laments that Apricity’s memories of him will be the dull ones of early youth. He makes sure that Jet knows about a painting he did of Apricity and her parents, which is under his bed at home.
In a letter, Ryan reminds Apricity of when she was three years old and there was a stray cat in the neighborhood named Penny. Apricity wanted to take it in, but Kendi was allergic. One day, Penny stopped coming, and Jet found her on the road, dead. This was right after Jet lost her first baby as a midwife. She saved him during the birthing process, but he only lived for four hours. In the midst of this grief, Jet told Apricity that Penny was gone, and they cried together.
Ryan tells Apricity that the losses of Penny and the baby, though tragic, do not negate the lives they lived. He writes that death does not erase life or diminish it. He tells Apricity that she saved him, and though he will die, he got to live longer because of her.
Jet visits Ryan in hospice care. Ryan is proud of her, as she has helped deliver nearly 100 babies thus far in her career. Jet tells him that she and Kendi are expecting another baby, and she cries, telling him that she hates that he will not be there for the baby. He tells her he will be there in her heart and with the child. Jet curls up next to him, and they fall asleep. Ryan remembers holding and comforting her as a baby. He wakes up and sees her next to him, thankful for her forgiveness.
Ryan thinks about how, later, Jet will return from the hospital and tell Kendi that Ryan died. Kendi will comfort her, and the next morning, they will tell Apricity. There will be a funeral, and though Jet will be sad, Ryan knows she will keep moving forward, keeping her family close through the good and the bad. He thinks of how they will visit his grave beside Lillian’s, and “the oak that was once a sapling will spread wide its canopy” (269).
Kendi tells Apricity that is time for bed as she colors on a piece of paper. When he asks what she is drawing, she tells him that she is drawing Ryan. Kendi reminds her that Ryan died, but Apricity assures him that just because they cannot see him does not mean he isn’t there.
In these final chapters, Jet completes her character arc as she realizes that her pain over Lillian’s death is shared by others—the grief and guilt are not unique to her. In the aftermath of Lillian’s death, Jet feels as though no one feels the loss like she does. She pushes others away, either blaming them for Lillian’s death or staying away because of how they remind her of her mother. When Elise dies, however, a shift occurs: She sees others mourning and realizes that other people in her life cared for Elise, and therefore, the same must be true of Lillian. Seeing Shauna and Ryan comfort each other, Jet begins to sympathize with others’ pain: “I remember Dad being nothing besides gone and more gone. I remember nobody hurting like I was hurting. And maybe that’s all accurate. But at the same time, there’s this. Dad and Shauna consoling each other, then and now” (209). For much of the novel, Jet only looks inward toward her own pain, but when she sees Shauna and Ryan consoling each other, she realizes that they mourned and grieved for Lillian in their own way. She gains an understanding of the profundity of Ryan’s pain, and she also gains a new understanding of Kendi’s feelings. She blamed Kendi for not realizing that Lillian was dying in the next room and resented him for being the last person with her, but now she sees the guilt and regret that he carries. It is this moment that Jet becomes a dynamic character, changing through a shift in perspective that allows her to connect with her loved ones on a more compassionate level.
In Part 3, Ryan begins to repair his relationship with Jet as the two cultivate a greater understanding of each other. At this point, Jet is approaching the age at which Ryan started his family and began drinking. This connection allows Ryan to reflect more on his addiction as Jet shares her anxieties, especially those around having a child: “I don’t tell her that thoughts like this—back when her entire body was the length of my forearm—were soothed only by swallowing sips of fire until a steady buzz silenced my arsenal mind” (244). With this revelation, Ryan confronts another aspect of his addiction: the anxiety and pressure that he faced as an unprepared young father. For Ryan, alcohol helped quiet his mind and, in a way, make him more focused on the happiness a young Jet brought him. However, the tendency to soothe his anxiety with alcohol became exacerbated as his life became more stressful, and this self-perpetuating cycle haunts him. For Ryan, reevaluating his relationship with his emotions is essential to his recovery, and when he is able to find happiness and relief through his family and Apricity’s birth, he finds that his commitment to sobriety strengthens further.
The relief and joy that Apricity brings to Ryan is the fulfillment of his lifelong struggle to find joy through his family and the culmination of his character’s journey. As he reflects at the end of his life, Ryan again returns to meditating on why he began drinking, understanding it as part of his process of Breaking Cycles of Generational Trauma, as he tried to be better than Barton: “I think about last night’s gallery event and the after-party and this morning’s sweet proof that I can have the reprieve of alcohol and still be a family man. In fact, it’s possible that alcohol makes me a better man. I’m better than my father, anyway” (246). At the narrative’s beginning, Ryan believes he is better than Barton because he can drink and be a family man, but this desperation to prove himself better than Barton perpetuates the generational trauma of his family. Even though he tries to end this cycle by removing himself from his family, he only truly heals it by coming back to them. At the heart of Ryan’s character is this struggle to end the cycle of trauma that began with Barton, and it ends with his relationship with Apricity, ending the novel on a hopeful, optimistic note that looks forward with the new generation of the family.



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