The Courage to Be Disliked

The philosopher argues that contribution to others is the source of happiness. The act of contributing leads to community feeling. Contribution does not have to take the form of work, which he defines broadly as work “in the home, child-rearing, contributing to the local society, hobbies, and all manner of other things” (230), not just work for pay. In this view, one can contribute to others just by being there. The philosopher tells the young man that contribution to others should be his guiding star. This way, even if people dislike him, he can find freedom in the knowledge that he contributes to others.

Horizontal relationships are ones in which both parties are considered “equal but not the same” (181). In horizontal relationships, neither party praises or rebukes but rather encourages the other. Both practice self-acceptance and confidence in the other. The relationship is horizontal because they stand side by side. Furthermore, horizontal relationships allow each person to face their own tasks, which are foundational to finding community feeling and achieving the most authentic version of happiness.

The separation of tasks is a key term in Adlerian psychology that describes the act of understanding the things that one can change and accepting the things that are out of one’s control. For example, if a child is struggling to tie their shoes and a mother does it for them, she is taking away the child’s task and subverting their right to exercise their agency. Adler defines three life tasks: tasks of work, tasks of friendship, and tasks of love. Facing one’s own tasks requires courage, and separating tasks requires self-acceptance and confidence that others will face their own tasks without intervention. The separation of tasks leads a person to stop desiring recognition from others and to act more freely.

Originating in Aristotelian philosophy, the modern, distilled version of this term, as Adler employs it, has come to mean the study of a thing’s purpose rather than its cause. The term is diametrically opposed to the concept of etiology, which focuses on the causes of a disease or condition.