The Four Loves

Lewis’s characterization of Affection comes from the Greek word storge, which he defines as: “affection, especially of parents to offspring” (31). Among the four loves, he believes that it is the love in which a human’s experience differs least from the animals. As an example of Affection, Lewis asks the reader to imagine a mother nursing an infant. The child feels Need-love as the mother gives Gift-love. However, he says that her affection is also a Need-love: the sustenance of her body is a Gift-love that needs to be needed.

“Almost anyone can become an object of Affection; the ugly, the stupid, even the exasperating” (32). Because animals demonstrate affection, Lewis calls it “the least discriminating of loves” (32). Few people will aspire to be like animals, and if an animal is capable of affection, it is no proof to the author that Affection is a logical good.

Affection does not burst onto one in the way that falling in love does. There is no moment in which one realizes that Affection has begun. Those for whom affection is felt are often taken for granted, something that is not the case with the other loves.

Affection can seep into and color the other loves. The “blending and overlapping” (35) of the loves can be demonstrated by the fact that they can all be conveyed with a kiss. Further, Affection can unite people who do not choose each other for their “excellences” (36). It does not require that people feel they are made for each other. Affection can increase tolerance and broaden our minds.

As will be seen with the other loves, Affection is not without its potential downsides. Affection is passive and ambivalent. It asks nothing, but Lewis states that the poets and painters have often said that affection is all that is needed for happiness. A craving for Affection—in its guise as a Need-love—quickly becomes unreasonable. Because almost anyone can be the object of Affection, almost anyone can come to expect or feel entitled to Affection. Someone who will not bestow affection on one who expects it is “unnatural” (40).

Affection can actually be the downfall of behaviors that are generally viewed as good, such as common courtesy. Affection is often found in families, who tend to be more familiar with each other than people outside of the family unit. Because one’s family will always be one’s family, it becomes easy, even natural, depending on one’s temperament, to take family members for granted. Affection can be a license for rude behavior, given that a family member is more likely to forgive than someone with whom a weaker bond is shared.

Jealousy is another potential danger in Affection, as with the other loves. Lewis states that Affection relies on what feels, or is, “old and familiar” (45). Change is a threat to Affection, and this is what can lead to jealousy. If two siblings are raised together, sharing everything, and then one of them becomes consumed with a new interest that the other cannot share, this is the threat of Affection and jealousy. What was familiar is now alien. Adults act the same, such as when one suddenly becomes a Christian among non-believers or confesses intellectual aspirations to a lowbrow family. What seems to one person to be happy news may be taken as unsettling by family members who cannot understand.

Affection has a Gift-love as well. Lewis tells the story of Mrs. Fidget, a woman who “lived for her family” (46). She worked herself ceaselessly on their behalf. When she died, everyone in her family was suddenly in a good mood, after the initial grieving. Mrs. Fidget spent all her time doing things for them that they did not ask her to do. They could not, in good conscience, watch her work without doing anything to help, so they helped her do things for them—things they did not even want done. In this instance, it was a relief when she died. The Gift-love of the mother—her efforts on behalf of her family—were unwanted, and so led to resentment: “But the proper aim of giving is to put the recipient in a state where he no longer needs our gift” (50). This “need to be needed” (51) shown by Mrs. Fidget regards itself as “unselfish” (51) and therefore masquerades as a Gift-love.

Lewis states that all Affections that need to be needed can fall into the same category. In his academic pursuits, he is aware that his job is to educate and train his students to develop into intellects who may one day be his rivals. “Pampering an animal” (52) is another way in which the need to be needed may manifest. “Those who find in animals a relief from the demands of human companionship will be well advised to examine their real reasons” (53).

He closes with the quote: “If Affection is made the absolute sovereign of a human life the seeds will germinate. Love, having become a god, becomes a demon” (56).