The Four Tendencies: The Indispensable Personality Profiles That Reveal How to Make Your Life Better (and Other People's Lives Better, Too)

In this chapter, Rubin explores the Upholder Tendency, which encompasses individuals who readily meet both outer expectations imposed by others and inner expectations they set for themselves. Upholders thrive on schedules, routines, and clear guidelines, finding freedom through discipline rather than constraint. They can rely on themselves to follow through on commitments without external supervision or accountability, making them highly dependable but sometimes inflexible. Rubin’s analysis draws heavily from her personal experience as a self-identified Upholder, which provides authentic insight but also may introduce some potential bias. The chapter acknowledges that Upholder strengths can become weaknesses when taken to extremes. Upholders may become rigid rule-followers who struggle with spontaneity or changing circumstances. They can appear cold or unsympathetic when others fail to meet expectations, and may experience “tightening”—an escalating commitment to increasingly strict personal standards that can become counterproductive. Rubin illustrates this through examples ranging from workplace scenarios to family dynamics, demonstrating how Upholder behavior affects both personal effectiveness and relationships with others.

Rubin introduces the concept of variations within the Upholder Tendency, noting that individuals may lean toward either Questioner traits (more willing to challenge external expectations) or Obliger traits (more responsive to external pressure). This nuanced approach acknowledges that personality frameworks exist on a spectrum rather than in rigid categories.