“I’m hit by a twinge of grief. Not for this woman I don’t even know, of course. But seeing this immediately brings back memories of my father’s restaurant’s social media page. One day, it was filled with photos of his famous pan-seared fish, and the net, it was flooded with messages like these. Gone too soon. Prayers for your family.”

Camille Aubert’s discovery of Jack and Em’s letter and photo triggers her own sorrow and grief, establishing a parallel between the two main characters. Camille feels “a twinge of grief” when she learns that Em recently passed away because this news mirrors her own father’s recent passing. Camille has yet to meet Jack in person, but this passage foreshadows how their parallel encounters with death will draw them together.

“Somewhere in the midst of this whole mix-up, I found myself actually wanting this. And why shouldn’t I? I want to work in this home and live in this city. I want to pull my feet from the cement they’ve been stuck in since my father died and actually live my life. This could all be a mix-up, or it could be fate.”

Camille’s impulsive trip to Paris reawakens her adventurous spirit. Before her father died, Camille felt excited by life, always willing to explore and experiment; since his passing, this part of her has gone dormant. When she arrives at the St. Claire residence and realizes she has a chance to move to Paris and join a new family life, she feels energized and rejuvenated. Just the possibility of newness and change helps Camille remember that she can live beyond her grief; the passage introduces the theme of Rebuilding Life After Loss.

“I lose track of time as we dance. I lose track of everything. Warmth blossoms in my chest at the sight of her grinning from ear to ear. When was the last time she smiled like this? Hell, when was the last time I smiled like this? If this is what being a nanny is like, then I am certain I will love every second of it. All I must do is create a routine and keep her happy. That’s it. How hard could it be?”

Camille’s relationship with Bea also contributes to her journey toward rebuilding life after loss. Almost immediately upon starting her new nannying job, Camille is caught up in Bea’s youthful energy and joy. The image of the two dancing together creates a happy, excited mood that mirrors Camille’s state of mind. She uses language like “warmth” and “blossom” to describe how she feels—diction that conjures notions of springtime and thus regrowth and new life.

“I’m just glad I still have my job. The morning after the club, I woke up humiliated. What was I thinking, following him into that place? Why on earth did I stay after I realized what it was? Maybe I was digging deeper into Jack’s life for more than just curiosity. Maybe I was trying to find pieces of Emmaline there. Or maybe…a place for myself.”

Camille’s internal monologue in this scene creates a worried, searching, and reflective tone. Camille feels guilty and embarrassed for following Jack into his club, but this perceived mistake has also awakened her. She is curious and engaged, asking herself questions she hasn’t asked in some time. This is the first time since her father’s death that she has taken risks and braved the unknown—actions that convey her desire for “a place for [her]self,” and thus for belonging.

“Why am I so obsessed with this man? This family. Why have I conjured up this image of Jack St. Claire in my mind to be someone who is actually lovable instead of the emotionless, cruel monster of a man he is? How on earth did Emmaline love him so much? The disappointment of his character is the most frustrating thing I have ever felt.”

Camille’s struggle to make sense of her feelings for Jack intensifies the stakes of their relationship and augments the narrative tension. Jack is Camille’s boss, so they are supposed to maintain a professional relationship. However, Camille has a deeper interest in the enigmatic Jack. She describes him as “emotionless,” “cruel,” and “monstrous” yet cannot quiet her interest in him. It is Camille’s hatred for Jack that draws her to him; this passage establishes their dynamic as a forbidden, enemies-to-lovers romance.

“Slowly running my thumb over her handwriting, I imagine her scribbling my name on this paper. I hear her voice in my head as I read it over and over again. What is this hold she has on me? I unfold the two pages and find a letter written inside. A panic takes over as I consider that this is her resignation letter, not that I would blame her. I’ve been terrible to her.”

Jack’s interaction with Camille’s letter conveys the symbolic significance of these handwritten messages. Jack is touching Camille’s handwriting because doing so lets him feel connected to Camille. Just looking at her name on the paper conjures her voice in his head. Even before reading it, Jack understands the sensitivity of the note, establishing the characters’ forthcoming epistolary exchanges as symbols of the Importance of Trust and Emotional Vulnerability to Building Intimacy.

“The effect of those words alters my brain chemistry. They have me wanting to pull him closer, bury myself in his arms, and do whatever he wants as long as he praises me like that again. I never want his body to move away from mine. I’d like to spend the rest of the day pressed against him, feeling his gaze bore into me like basking in the warmth of the sun.”

Camille’s first experience with Jack in the BDSM room launches the theme of Sex as an Avenue for Healing. This is Camille’s foray into shibari and other such forms of kink, but she readily delights in the practice. She enjoys being praised by Jack and assuming a submissive position—comparing her response to having her brain chemistry altered and to “basking in the warmth of the sun.” This figurative language conjures notions of comfort and transcendence.

“There’s a photo of my wife watching from the nightstand, and her stare feels like daggers of grief and regret. I don’t know how others are able to move on after the loss of their spouse, but I never will. I can’t let Em go. I will never let her go.”

The images of Em around the St. Claire residence make her absence tangible. Even when Jack is trying to move on, the images tug him back into the past and back into his grief. He feels as if Em is staring “daggers of grief and regret” at him, similes that create an ominous and weighty mood. Jack feels so burdened by Em’s simultaneous absence and presence that he vows never to let her go. Rather than a sign of his love, this promise is evidence of his fear of moving on.

“If you had told me a year ago that I’d enjoy being silent and submissive for a man, I would have told you you’d lost your mind. But I find solace in knowing that this isn’t about what he wants. It’s about what I want. It’s about connection. Safety. Comfort.”

Camille’s internal monologue during another BDSM session with Jack reiterates the theme of sex as an avenue for healing. Experimenting with Jack ushers Camille into new sexual, romantic, and psychological terrain. She is not behaving in a way she would typically behave, but breaking out of her comfort zone has helped her rediscover her curious, adventurous spirit. She is also learning that sex can create room for the “connection,” “safety,” and “comfort” she craves.

“Standing in the doorway, I watch her sleep. It’s like my heart is no longer in my body but now across the room in that bed. As I watch her sleep, I just keep reminding myself—she’s safe, she’s alive, she’s happy. That’s all that matters. She doesn’t need me. I can’t watch her for long before the shame and regret start to creep in.”

The image of Jack standing in the hallway and looking in on his sleeping daughter underscores his complex regard for Bea. Jack loves his daughter but is unsure how to show this love or give Bea what she needs. He feels as if his heart is next to Bea in the bed, which suggests that he has never stopped caring for her; at the same time, his body is positioned in the doorway, which conveys his hesitation to reconnect with her.

“His fingers are still on my back, and for the first time since he placed them there, he moves them slightly back and forth. […] What is he doing? Doesn’t he realize what moments like this do to me? They obliterate boundaries and lines and rules. This longing is so much louder than all those reasons why we shouldn’t get involved with each other.”

This moment of intimacy between Jack and Camille on the train complicates their relationship. While Jack is technically Camille’s boss, the two have begun engaging in a forbidden, unconventional workplace affair. When Jack touches Camille in public, he oversteps the “boundaries and lines and rules” of their arrangement, confusing Camille. Camille’s harried internal monologue conveys her simultaneous desire to abide by Jack’s rules and to pursue something deeper with him.

“This whole time, I’ve watched the real Jack come out of his shell, and my suspicions were correct. He was never truly as cruel and cold as he let me believe. He was just protecting himself. Closing off the rest of the world so he never had to feel that pain again. And the distance he puts between himself and his daughter isn’t neglect. He’s protecting her.”

Camille’s reflections on Jack and Bea’s relationship reiterate the struggles of rebuilding life after loss. Jack has never stopped loving Bea, but Camille has had a hard time reconciling his “cruel and cold” behavior toward his daughter. As he starts to “come out of his shell,” she begins to make sense of his attempts to protect Bea from himself. Losing Em has complicated Jack’s understanding of love and ability to engage in his relationships. Investing in Bea again is a first step toward healing.

“My eagerness to leave Paris has dissipated recently. After Em died, I couldn’t wait to get out of here. I couldn’t stand to be in this house, let alone this city. But I think it was the trip to the park the other day that changed things for me. Seeing Bea happy. Hearing her speak her mother’s language again, living so happily in the city Em loved, made me realize that getting away from our pain here means leaving the good too.”

Jack’s internal monologue reveals how his relationship with Camille has begun to change him. Ever since Em’s death, Jack has vowed to leave Paris and return to California the first chance he gets. The more intimate he becomes with Camille, however, the less necessary his escape plan becomes. Jack is thinking about the future in a more concerted and selfless way. He is factoring Bea into his plans, which shows that he is considering the true stakes of his decisions.

“I’m racked with guilt for lying to him about Bea’s lessons. Maybe if I knew his concerns were justified, I’d feel more. But Bea has found a way to connect to her aunt and her mother, and I will defend her right to do that. Even if it gets me fired.”

This passage of first-person narration from one of Camille’s chapters offers insight into Camille’s character and combats misconceptions about BDSM. Camille has assumed a submissive role in her and Jack’s sexual relationship, but her sexual role is just that—a form of play. When it comes to their professional dynamic, Camille stands up for what she believes is right. She is willing to risk her job to defend Bea’s desires and needs, which shows that Camille is not a passive character and validates the egalitarian nature of her and Jack’s sexual activities.

“For a while, we both wait. And in each passing second, I realize that I have a decision to make. Open this door or keep it closed. If I open it, I welcome in more confusion but also indulgence and maybe…love. If I keep it closed, then it could—and probably should—stay closed forever.”

The door imagery in this passage is a metaphor for an emotional and relational threshold. Camille and Jack are physically positioned on opposite sides of a literal door. Camille is trying to decide if she should open the door to Jack in the wake of their fight and hear what he has to say, or if she should keep the door closed and let their fight end their relationship. The door signifies a turning point in their dynamic, which they ultimately brave to deepen their sexual and emotional bond.

“I’m selfish to be moving on so quickly. All I have to do is keep my word to Camille—no relationship. Just sex and work, and that’s all. I can’t give her my heart, not yet. No matter how much I want to. It still belongs to my wife.”

Jack’s post-coital stream of consciousness reiterates his difficulty in moving beyond his wife’s death and engaging with life in the present. Jack deems his heartfelt feelings for Camille “selfish” because he still equates happiness and love with betrayals of Em’s memory. He is reluctant to let go of his wife because he fears the implications.

“Suddenly I can’t stop thinking about what my mother said, about how I was the one with more motive to sabotage Julian and not the other way around. Have I been doing this unknowingly? Have I ever given a proper moment of actual dedication to this club? Or did I curse it to fail immediately? Julian and I are locked in a stare-down as he waits for me to speak. I’m not ready to have a heart-to-heart with him yet […] but it’s time we start defining what our priorities are.”

Jack muses on his conversation with his mother and his relationship with Julian to make sense of his own motives and heart. Jack asks himself a series of questions in this passage, which conveys his willingness to self-reflect and to pursue change. He admits that he isn’t ready to confront Julian and work through their differences, but he does so anyway. This moment marks another important change in Jack’s character arc; he is pursuing reconciliation and integrity in all areas of his life.

“But I can’t help it because this moment is so beautiful. And that’s a dangerous idea to let in. If this is how it’s going to be now that Jack’s home for dinner every night, I fear it will be far harder to maintain our boundaries than I expected. Because right now, this doesn’t feel like a nanny, her boss, and his little girl. It feels like a family.”

The first time Jack joins Camille and Bea for dinner offers Camille a sense of hope and excitement for the future. They feel like a family, which makes Camille wonder if they could build a life together beyond their current arrangement. Camille worries that this imagining is “dangerous,” but her daydream ultimately foreshadows the happy ending she, Jack, and Bea do get together.

“I wanted to tell Jack that I love him. The words were on the tip of my tongue, but I held back. Why? I almost forget now why we can’t be together. If we love each other like I think we do, then what could possibly stand between us? We might be worried for Bea’s safety, but can we truly expect to keep her safe from all heartache forever? Isn’t that unreasonable?”

The questions Camille asks herself create an interrogative, worried mood. Camille is certain of her love for Jack but still can’t articulate her feelings for fear of upsetting their tenuous dynamic. She questions herself and her relationship because she is trying to make sense of what she is experiencing and what it means. The passage reiterates how important self-reflection is to the characters’ personal growth journeys.

“I walk home from the club around 6:30, feeling lighter than I did when I went to work this morning. It’s like that conversation with Camille today lifted something in my chest that I had been carrying for so long. When was the last time I spoke about Em with anyone? What was I so afraid of? Talking about her gave me peace I didn’t expect.”

In this passage of Jack’s first-person narration, Jack uses figurative language to convey his positive mood. Language like “lighter” and “lifted” creates a buoyant tone, which mirrors Jack’s emotional state. The weight he refers to is the past: He has been carrying around heavy memories of his late wife and feels relieved as soon as he opens up to Camille. The passage thus reiterates the theme of the importance of trust and emotional vulnerability to building intimacy. He feels better about himself and closer to Camille after confiding in her.

“It’s not just that he thinks I’m beautiful or wants me to know how much he admires me, it’s that Jack truly sees me. He treasures me. With him, I no longer feel alone. What has happened to the man I first met? Am I naive to assume I’ve somehow changed him? Is it foolish of me to hope that he stays this way forever?”

Camille’s internal monologue reiterates the depth and scope of her and Jack’s dynamic. When they first met each other, Camille was wary of Jack. In the intervening months, she feels as if she and Jack have developed a unique, indelible bond. She likes that Jack appreciates her on a physical level but is even more heartened by Jack’s appreciation for her as a person.

“This isn’t like Em, my relentless mind reminds me. Camille sees into my soul. That’s the only way to put it. She has a way of lifting the veil of my mind and crawling inside, but instead of running from the darkness she finds there, she wraps her loving arms around me and thaws everything that froze the day Em died. In the past weeks, she’s changed me.”

This passage from Jack’s point of view mirrors the preceding quotation from Camille’s point of view. When Jack reflects on his and Camille’s dynamic, he comes to a similar conclusion: that what he and Camille have is truly unique. This passage also uses figurative language to reiterate how Camille has changed Jack and reawakened him to life. Before Camille, Jack was “frozen” in “darkness”; since Camille, he has “thawed” and come out from behind his “veil” of sadness.

“Am I really going to sit around here and waste away for the next two days when I could just tell her to her face how sorry I am and how much we love her? And maybe it would just be as simple as telling her that she can sleep in my bed again. And she can stop being a nanny. I can prove that I’ve healed and grown in the last two months.”

Camille’s departure from Paris for Christmas makes Jack realize how important she is to him and Bea. Her momentary absence from the house spurs Jack into action. Instead of “sitting around” and “wasting away” as he has done in the past, Jack decides to go after Camille and tell her how he really feels. The passage underscores how Jack has changed and how willing he is to show vulnerability in his relationship with Camille.