The High 5 Habit: Take Control of Your Life with One Simple Habit

Robbins introduces the concept of “mental lint” to explain how negative thoughts accumulate and obstruct self-perception, drawing an analogy to dryer lint that clogs filters over time. She argues that negative self-talk stems from accumulated experiences including rejections, disappointments, trauma, and other people’s opinions, all of which create residue in an individual’s mind. This metaphor serves as the foundation for understanding the reticular activating system (RAS), which Robbins describes as the brain’s filter that determines what information reaches conscious awareness.

The RAS processes an enormous amount of data daily—34 gigabytes, according to Robbins—while filtering out 99.9% of environmental stimuli to prevent information overload. Only four categories consistently penetrate this filter: one’s name being called, threats to safety, romantic interest signals, and most importantly, whatever the RAS believes is important to the individual. This last category becomes crucial because it means repeated thoughts and focus areas can train the RAS to filter reality in ways that support a positive self-image.

Robbins illustrates this concept through her husband Chris’s experience following their restaurant business failure. Despite evidence of success in other areas—being present for their children, serving as chief financial officer of their current business, coaching their daughter’s lacrosse team—Chris’s RAS continued filtering experiences through the lens of failure because that belief had become his dominant self-narrative. This selective attention reinforced his negative self-perception while filtering out contradictory positive evidence.

Robbins’s analysis reflects a broad understanding of cognitive bias and selective attention, though her claim that the RAS processes “34 gigabytes” of data lacks scientific rigor. This detail exemplifies her tendency to favor accessible, memorable facts over precision. However, her broader approach aligns with cognitive-behavioral therapy principles that emphasize the relationship between thoughts, emotions, and behavior.

Robbins proposes that individuals can reprogram their RAS by consciously changing their self-narrative and implementing the high-five habit as a daily practice. She suggests flipping limiting beliefs like, “I’m a failure” (81), into empowering statements such as, “I forgive myself for the things I did when I was trying to survive” (81), and, “Every day I’m becoming a better version of myself” (81). This reframing technique draws from positive psychology and self-affirmation theory, and she claims that individuals can alter their perceptions through sheer focus. 

Chapter Lessons

• “Mental lint” accumulates daily through negative experiences and thoughts, clogging perception and reinforcing limiting beliefs.
• The reticular activating system (RAS) is the part of the brain that filters reality to confirm what the mind deems important. 
• By consciously flipping limiting beliefs into empowering statements and practicing the high-five habit, individuals can retrain their attention toward positive evidence and opportunities.
• Individuals can reprogram their mental filters and break free from thinking patterns focused on past failures.

Reflection Questions

• Can you identify specific “mental lint” in your own life? How might these beliefs shape what you notice and focus on daily?
• Think about a recent period when you were excited about something new. How did that change what you noticed and valued?

Robbins introduces a practical exercise designed to demonstrate the power of the RAS and provide a foundation for changing negative self-talk. She shares that when her daughters expressed skepticism about the high-five habit’s ability to transform self-perception, Robbins developed a concrete demonstration to show how the RAS can be retrained by using heart-shaped objects found in nature.

The heart-finding exercise serves as both proof of concept and training tool. Robbins instructs individuals to actively search for naturally occurring heart shapes in their environment—whether heart-shaped rocks, leaves, or stains—for one week. This attention training exercise demonstrates how the RAS can be redirected from focusing on negative self-evidence to noticing previously overlooked positive elements. The exercise capitalizes on the brain’s natural pattern-recognition abilities, a concept supported by neuroscience research on selective attention and perceptual bias. Robbins presents this activity as simple and playful but also verifiable, therefore strengthening the credibility of her broader claims.

Following this foundational exercise, Robbins presents a three-step process for interrupting negative thought patterns. The first step involves using the phrase, “I’m not thinking about that” (93), to verbally interrupt negative thoughts as they arise. This technique draws from mindfulness-based interventions and cognitive behavioral therapy’s thought-stopping methods, which have been used since the 1970s to help individuals gain control over rumination and negative thinking cycles. The second step requires replacing negative thoughts with personally meaningful mantras that individuals can genuinely believe, rather than generic positive affirmations that the mind might reject. Robbins says thoughts such as, “I’m going to figure this out” (95), and, “I can handle this” (95), emphasize authenticity over forced positivity. Her insistence on discovering personal and authentic mantras acknowledges critiques of self-help affirmations that claim they ring hollow, and Robbins offers a practical workaround.

The final step incorporates behavioral activation therapy principles, requiring individuals to take physical actions that align with their desired self-image. This approach recognizes that changing behavior can influence thoughts and emotions, a concept known as the “act as if” principle in psychology. Robbins suggests specific visual cues, such as placing mantras on bathroom mirrors or creating physical reminders, drawing from implementation intention research that shows environmental cues significantly improve follow-through on behavioral changes.

Chapter Lessons

• Robbins’s exercise of finding heart shapes in nature demonstrates the brain’s capacity to notice what it is trained to seek, providing concrete evidence of the mind’s malleability.
• Using phrases like, “I’m not thinking about that” (93), can break automatic negative thinking patterns, but it requires consistent practice.
• Effective mantras must feel authentic to the individual rather than being generic positive statements.
• Taking concrete to align behavior with one’s desired self-image accelerates lasting change.

Reflection Questions

• What specific triggers or situations tend to activate negative thought patterns in your daily life?
• If you were to try the heart-finding exercise for a week, what resistance or skepticism might you encounter within yourself? How could you work through these barriers to give the practice a genuine try?