The Highly Sensitive Person: How to Thrive When the World Overwhelms You

Aron’s patients show a wide variety of approaches to romantic relationships, and her research suggests that HSP’s “fall in love harder” (140) than others. Overly intense love is usually unrequited and is based on “absurd idealization” of the beloved. Following Jungian thought, Aron theorizes that each of us has an “inner helpmate” that leads us into deep spiritual realms, but we may mistakenly project that inner helpmate onto others.

In general, HSPs tend to be either cautious (avoidant) or very intense (anxious-ambivalent) about close relationships. Early attachments can resurface and become projected on a different person later in life, as happened with Aron’s patient Ellen and an older woman who acted as her counselor.

At the same time, Aron argues that HSPs are “more prone to love” (147) for three reasons: overarousal (to which HSPs are prone) is apt to lead one to fall in love; HSPs are prone to low self-esteem, which leads them to fall in love with the closest available person; and HSPs tend to enter romantic relationships out of fear of feeling alone or overwhelmed.

In their research on love, Aron and her husband found two common themes: “liking certain things about the other person and finding out the other person likes you” (146).