The House of My Mother: A Daughter's Quest for Freedom

Ruby Griffiths Franke is Shari Franke’s mother and the matriarch of the Franke family. Ruby was born in 1982 in Logan, Utah. She was the eldest of five children, and her family were devout members of the LDS church. She had many responsibilities, even as a young child, helping to raise her siblings. Growing up, motherhood “was the pinnacle of her aspirations” (4), and she eagerly looked forward to the day she would start her own family. Ruby attended Utah State University determined to find a husband. She wanted a partner who would “let her take the reins without too much resistance” and “let her navigate their shared journey, pay the bills, and give her the children she longed for” (5). Ruby met Kevin, and the two were married just three months later.

Franke claims that her mother’s “entire self-worth was built on exceptionalism” (7). She was a piano player as a young woman but gave it up “when she fell short of perfection” (7). Instead, she set her sights on playing the “lead role in her epic production of ‘Ultimate Mother’” (8). From the beginning, then, motherhood was an inherently selfish pursuit for Ruby. She saw having children as a way to ensure her own “eternal exaltation” and establish her unquestionable prowess at something. By the time she was 30, she had six children and had established herself as the family’s controlling and exacting matriarch. She “maintained a strict emotional distance” (36-7) from her children, often reminding them that she was their mother, not their friend.

In 2015, Ruby launched 8 Passengers. She had always been driven and ambitious, and she now funneled this energy into her new YouTube channel. The success she found, in turn, fueled her narcissism and superiority complex. More than anything, Ruby was concerned with keeping up the appearance of the perfect family and was often willing to sacrifice her children’s own well-being to maintain this image. She raised her children on an “emotional starvation diet” where she “doled out love like a miser with coins, making her affection contingent on a prolonged demonstration of ‘good’ behavior” (107).

Jodi Hildebrandt’s ConneXions program was “a manual” that Ruby could use to “refine” these tactics. Since ConneXions reinforced Ruby’s existing parenting philosophies, it gave her more validation and justification. She became progressively crueler, further isolating herself and her family until she was finally arrested for child abuse.

Franke argues that her mother’s narcissism developed as “a shield […] to protect [her]self from feelings of inadequacy or harm” (290). She was “a deeply wounded person who never learned how to connect with others in a healthy way” (291), and she took this pent-up pain out on her children. Franke suggests it is also possible that she suffered from the limited options available to women in her community: If her ambition and thirst for power had another outlet besides motherhood, things might have turned out differently.

Kevin Franke is Ruby’s husband and the father of her children. Unlike Ruby, Kevin grew up in a relaxed household, causing him to become “a gentle, even-keeled sort of guy” (6). He was a senior civil engineering student at Utah State University when he and Ruby met in 2000. Immediately, he was sucked into “Ruby’s grand vision,” and the dynamic for their relationship was set: Kevin would be “the perpetual supporting actor to Ruby’s lead role in her epic production of ‘Ultimate Mother’” (8). He loved Ruby and was happy “to move heaven and earth to support her in her dreams” (8).

Kevin became a geotechnical engineer and was “genuinely fascinated” by his work. He was the “intellectual powerhouse” of the family and the sole provider until 8 Passengers became the family’s source of income. He was the parent that Franke most trusted, for example, choosing to confide in Kevin when she began experiencing depression as a teenager.

Over the years, however, Kevin began to cede more and more of his power to Ruby. He was his wife’s “faithful servant, catering to her every whim, no matter how unreasonable,” but instead of recognizing and appreciating his dedication, Ruby took everything Kevin offered “until there was nothing left” (204). As Ruby’s relationship with Jodi deepened, Kevin was increasingly shut out, and his one-on-one sessions with Jodi became increasingly manipulative. Finally, Ruby “invited” Kevin to leave the family home to work on himself, a key move in the ConneXions’ playbook. Kevin willingly abandoned his family to heal his “addictions” and “disordered thinking.”

Franke often expresses frustration with her father for not standing up for his children and protecting them when they most needed it. However, she argues that his years with Ruby left him with “about as much autonomy as a wet noodle in a hurricane” (197). After Ruby’s arrest, Franke decides to forgive him, and the two become “imperfect partners in recovery” (275).

Jodi Hildebrandt entered the Franke family’s saga when a friend recommended her as a counselor for Chad. She grew up in the Arizona desert. Her parents were emotionally distant, and Jodi spent much of her time alone. She reported feeling “more comfortable around animals than humans” (97) and was sexually abused multiple times as a child. Jodi married and had two children, but divorced in 1999. She got full custody of her children but later became estranged from them.

In 2005, Jodi became a licensed therapist. She had her license revoked in 2012 after violating patient confidentiality, but she continued working and developed a life-coaching program called ConneXions that was “meant to foster the thing she’d never had growing up—connection” (97). Franke describes ConneXions as a “cult” with Jodi at the helm. She believed herself to be a kind of prophet, “a savior sent to lead the faithful to enlightenment” (232). However, like Ruby, her ultimate goal was power and control. Her philosophy was “based on three core principles: impeccable honesty, rigorous personal responsibility, and vulnerable humility” (95), and she encouraged her followers to undergo rigorous self-examination to identify instances of “distortion” that kept individuals from living in the “truth.”

Jodi often twisted and manipulated the information she received from her clients, especially when it came to men. For example, Jodi managed to convince Kevin that hugging his daughters was “something sinister and perverse” (199). When Franke discovered that Jodi and Ruby’s relationship had become physical, she began to suspect that Jodi’s tendency to banish husbands from her clients’ families had to do with her resentment stemming from her own repressed lesbianism.

Jodi was arrested along with Ruby in 2023 and sentenced to prison on multiple counts of child abuse.