The House of My Mother: A Daughter's Quest for Freedom

Content Warning: This section of the guide includes discussion of child abuse, emotional abuse, sexual abuse, depression and mental illness.

The House of My Mother is a story about how unresolved trauma is easily passed down to future generations, creating cycles of abuse and dysfunction that can damage anyone they come into contact with. Individuals like Ruby and Jodi, who attempt to tamp down their traumas instead of coming to terms with them, are at risk of passing their injuries on to others. Throughout her memoir, Franke thus reflects on these cycles and advocates for breaking generational cycles of abuse and trauma instead of perpetuating them.

Much of Franke’s memoir centers around how individuals are impacted by their upbringing. Ruby grew up as the eldest of five children, and her “childhood was less about play and more about responsibility” (4). In their household, babies were not “coddled;” they were left to “cry things out” so they wouldn’t grow up to be “weak losers or crybabies” (10). Ruby never acknowledged any pain this treatment might have caused her; instead, she “spent her life plastering over her childhood wounds with a veneer of perfection” (111) and used the same “tough love” techniques on her own children, raising them in an “emotional desert” that left Franke experiencing anxiety and depression at an early age. Franke therefore suggests that her mother’s abusive parenting tactics were the result of Ruby’s inability to identify and break with the way in which she had been raised herself.

Jodi, despite her self-proclaimed expertise in bettering relationships, grew up in a similarly emotionally starved environment, with parents who were “emotionally distant” and who taught her to “not trust people” (97). Jodi and Ruby’s dynamic only served to reinforce the ingrained beliefs and dysfunctional coping mechanisms of both parties: These two women “who never learned how to connect with others in a healthy way” (291) established “themselves [as] the ultimate authorities on motherhood and family” (231) with one another’s encouragement. They engaged in ever more cruel treatment of the Franke children and encouraged countless mothers who followed them on social media to do the same.

As Franke begins attending therapy and comes to terms with her trauma and abuse, she understands that she needs to heal not just for herself, but for future generations. She sees herself as “a pioneer for [her]self and [her] family,” treading ground that has never been walked before and “breaking generations of abuse and evil” (256). She recognizes the pain that Jodi and Ruby inflicted on her, her siblings, and countless others because of their unresolved childhood trauma and is determined to end this cycle.

Through healing herself, Franke believes she can create “a new legacy, a new pattern for the generations that come after [her] and [her] family” (293). In facing the trauma of her abusive childhood, Franke hopes to heal from the experience and avoid imposing her own pain on her future children.