The Love Haters

“But the fact remains: I abandoned swimsuits forever after that lady showed up in my life. So I couldn’t lay all of my insecurities at Lucas Banks’s feet. Some of them were courtesy of Angela. Some of them came from just being a girl in a world that is appallingly mean to girls. Do any of us escape unscathed? I really was fine now. Most of the time. As long as I could keep my clothes on.”

Katie discusses her stepmother Angela’s impact on her life. Her reflections show that she is still healing from the negative self-image she developed during her time with Lucas, even though Lucas is not solely responsible for this negative self-image. Swimsuits serve as a symbol of how Katie views herself and her body throughout the novel.

“And then a fun thing happened: the fabric started to glide on the air and float out around my calves, like a pinwheel. For a moment, until I got dizzy and stopped, I felt several things other than weird: the smooth wood floor under my bare feet, the wind swirling around my legs, the very bizarre—but not totally unpleasant, if I’m honest—sensation of having no underpants on…and, as I looked down at the bright fabric fluttering below, a micro-flash of the delight you can only get from glimpsing something beautiful. Genuine delight—just for a half second. There, and then gone. Like a firefly.”

Katie thinks this when Rue gets her to try on a brightly colored caftan, rather than her uniform of plain black clothing. Color is often symbolic in the novel, showing how Katie learns to embrace joy in her life. This is her first introduction to color in the novel, and her momentary delight foreshadows how she will change and become more colorful throughout the story.

“What was I really afraid of? If I’m really honest…if I truly think about it…I think it was just the idea that he—or, honestly, anybody—might see me the way my stepmother had. That he might encounter me out in the open, so exposed, with so little left to the imagination…and find me…unappealing. Or any of a whole tasting plate of other words starting with un: Unattractive. Uninviting. Unsalvageable. Unpleasant. Unacceptable. Unlovable.”

Katie worries about wearing a swimsuit out in public, and especially about what Hutch will think of her. Katie ties her value to her appearance, as seen in the way she compares adjectives like “unattractive” with “unlovable.” This quote gets to the root of Katie’s fears about her body image, which she must overcome by the end of the story.

“All day, I followed him around with a camera, and then, after I got back to the Starlite, I went through the footage. […] And do you want to know what I saw? Hutch holding the door for people. Hutch sweeping the air station hangar while humming ‘Heart and Soul.’ Hutch stopping to gather up litter in the parking lot. Hutch genuinely laughing at other people’s jokes. Hutch picking up breakfast tacos for the crew. Hutch offering other people his umbrella in the rain and insisting that he didn’t mind getting wet. And one I saw over and over on the footage that I didn’t quite understand: Hutch picking up pennies whenever he saw them on the ground, checking them out, and then tossing them back down so someone else could have the good luck.”

Katie thinks this about Hutch as she gets to know the man both inside and outside of work. Though Katie is meant to be filming his professional heroism, this quote reveals how Hutch is a kind and selfless hero even outside of his job. When he isn’t looking, Katie is able to see who Hutch really is.

“I nodded like I was fascinated by the scientific terminology. But I was really more fascinated by how Lucas, a man I’d dated so long, could have noticed so little about me. And, for that matter, how I could’ve noticed so little about myself.”

Katie thinks this when Hutch points out a unique feature in her eye, something that Lucas had never noticed after years of dating her. Hutch’s keen interest in this small detail is meaningful to Katie, who believes she is not worth noticing. This moment is a key step toward recognizing The Importance of Body Positivity: Hutch values an aspect of her appearance that is unique, not one that aligns with generalizing beauty standards.

“‘No one’s born fearless,’ Rue said. ‘You have to earn it.’ Then she added, gesturing at the swimsuit dangling from my hand, ‘Every time you have to be brave, you get to be a little braver next time. That’s what life is for.’ ‘I don’t think I want to be brave,’ I said. ‘I know.’ Her face was all sympathy. ‘That’s why you keep hiding.’”

This exchange between Rue and Katie comes when Rue describes how Katie reminds her of her younger self. Katie’s gaining courage is one of the most important plotlines in the novel, and Rue is often the one who encourages her to do so. Just as Hutch was able to see the unique part of Katie’s eye, Rue is able to see the details about Katie that she wouldn’t notice herself, again proving to her that she is worth paying attention to.

“I didn’t know what to do with myself. I felt panicked. Trapped. Caged inside my body. And all I wanted, all I could even think about wanting, was out. But there was no way out. That’s the thing about having a body. You only get one, and you’re trapped in it from beginning to end. What would Beanie say right now? […] she would insist, very gently, that I wasn’t stuck inside of my body. It wasn’t some prison my soul was caged in. The two things were—and only ever had been—one thing. I was it, and it was me. We were the same. It was a simple truth: I couldn’t abandon myself. And as much as that was a curse, it was also a blessing.”

Katie thinks this after reading the gossip article about her and the cruel comments that link her worth to her appearance. Unable to call Beanie, her greatest support, Katie still wonders what her best friend would think, and this helps her out of her panic. The idea that Katie’s body and her soul are one first comes up in this quote, yet it is something that Katie comes to understand intrinsically as the novel continues. This idea is what ultimately convinces Katie to love herself and to stop treating her body like an enemy.

“I’d worried that telling him might change how he saw me. But it never occurred to me that it might change how I saw myself.”

Katie thinks this after she tells Hutch about her insecurities about her body and the gossip article she read. Katie often compares her looks to the conventionally attractive Hutch, using this to further justify why he would never notice her. Yet Hutch’s response shows that he has noticed her and is unable to stop thinking about her, changing how Katie views herself.

“‘It wasn’t any kind of modesty,’ Hutch said, not taking offense. ‘It was just knowing, from firsthand experience, that when people are talking about you, most of what they’re saying is wrong.’”

Hutch tells this to Katie when they discuss his parents’ accident and how he doesn’t want to be famous. Hutch has previous experience with gossip and doesn’t want to hurt Rue by dredging up the past with his fame. This continues to show his selflessness in the face of hardship, highlighting The Varied Forms of Courage and Heroism.

“It turned out, we did not all have to announce our weights out loud in that meeting. […] So this nightmare scenario I’d been fearing for weeks of having to stand up in a room full of cool people and announce some number that would randomly define my value as a person…just didn’t happen. Isn’t that how it always is? The thing you’re afraid of is never the thing you should be afraid of.”

Katie thinks this when she learns that her worst fear about the assignment is nothing to worry about, as she doesn’t even have to see what she weighs when someone else weighs her privately. Katie’s focus on this idea up to this point in the novel shows how trivial her worries are, especially compared to the other things she has to worry about for this project. Yet as this quote highlights, Katie here learns that she has been worrying for no reason, making her insecurities seem silly in the grand scheme of things.

“For something so extraordinary, they really made it look easy. Just another life-saving sortie, I guess. But maybe not for everyone. I snuck a glance at the survivor just before we landed, and saw that he was crying.”

Katie says this after going on her first rescue mission (sortie) with the AST crew. Here Katie highlights just how extraordinary Hutch and his team are, especially as this comes moments after she feared Hutch wouldn’t survive the jump into the ocean. The contrast between the team’s calm professionalism and the rescued man’s tears emphasizes that, for Hutch and his crew, heroism is routine.

“It really was the most incredible realization—and I felt it all the way from my brain down to my heart. I didn’t need a rescue swimmer to think I was beautiful. I could do that for myself. It was such a life-changing thought. That longing to be looked at lovingly? That longing to be lovable…that’s really also so much about wanting to be valued, and seen, and connected, and safe, and just deeply, fundamentally okay? Maybe we didn’t have to outsource that. Maybe we could fill that longing for ourselves. […] I just suddenly understood in a whole new, sun-breaking-through-the-clouds way that even if we do eternally need and long and want to be seen…maybe the most important eyes doing the looking are our own.”

Katie thinks this after she decides to add her “kissable” lips to the beauty list, and recognizes she doesn’t need Hutch or anyone else’s approval to think they are beautiful. This is a major realization for Katie and influences her view that her worth is not, in fact, tied to other people’s opinions. Up to this point in the novel, Katie had almost exclusively considered her beauty based on the opinions of others, but here she recognizes how harmful that idea is.

“What did that headline say about Lucas Banks’s ex-fiancée? She has really let herself go. Maybe that was right. And maybe that was a good thing.”

This quote comes after Katie’s previous revelation. Not only does she twist the words of the article title to give them new meaning, showing how “letting herself go” is freeing for her, but she also uses these words against her attackers. With her new understanding of the world, Katie takes the power away from the gossips who are trying to hurt her.

“Me getting fired—and blackballed—for something I had nothing to do with? I’d take that to tell Hutch the truth right now. Cole getting fired and blackballed—and then pummeled by his brother? Fine. Hell, he deserved it, anyway. Where it all broke down was Rue. Lovely Rue, and all she’d lost, and all she’d done for everybody, and all she was facing now. I’d never had to make a decision like this. I didn’t know how to begin to think it through. Only one thing in this churning, relentless family mess seemed clear: protect Rue at all costs.”

In this quote, Katie considers the implications of lying about her relationship with Cole. This shows that she is willing to make sacrifices for Hutch and their relationship, but also wants to protect Rue above all else. Like Hutch often does, Katie here puts the happiness of others above her own, showing her own participation in the varied forms of courage and heroism.

“‘You think you’re this unnoticed, forgettable thing. But you’re not.’ ‘Fine,’ I said. ‘I’m not forgettable.’ ‘You’re not not forgettable,’ Hutch said then, like I was being obtuse. ‘You’re unforgettable. […] You’re a TV jingle you never wanted to learn, but can’t erase. You’re a puzzle that can’t be solved—or a question that can’t be answered—or a dream you wake up from that feels like it really happened. But it didn’t happen. And it can’t happen. Because that’s not how dreams work.’”

This exchange between Hutch and Katie occurs when she escorts him back home, and Hutch has to stop himself from kissing her. This quote shows how Katie’s insecurities have skewed her worldview and how she still thinks badly of herself. Yet Hutch’s points show how much he cares for her: He is willing to risk his own happiness to let Katie be with the man he thinks she wants.

“‘I was just reading that old people are happier than young people. […] Because old people,’ Rue said, ‘don’t have as much time left. And they know it. It’s called a time horizon—a sense of how much time we have remaining. For teenagers, it’s vast. It’s infinite. But as we get older, it shortens and shortens—and we can’t help but feel it. As it shrinks, it makes everything more precious. We appreciate the days more because there are fewer of them to come. And it’s really true. I felt it so much today. How fast it all goes. How much we have to be thankful for. What a miracle each breath is.’”

Rue tells this to Katie on the anniversary of the accident, after Katie mentions that she knows about her illness. This again changes Katie’s outlook on life but doesn’t sway her choice to keep the secret about her relationship from Rue. Rue sees Katie as a younger version of herself and wants Katie to live the best life she can.

“Is that why you always want to prove yourself?’ Cole didn’t answer. Hutch shook his head, still putting the pieces together. ‘No wonder. How could you ever measure up to that?’ ‘To what?’ Cole asked. ‘To what we lost.’ Cole looked away. Hutch was studying him now. ‘Was that it? Was that what it’s been all this time? You thought you were the reason she wasn’t here? You thought I saved you instead of her? That if I had chosen differently, Mom would still be alive?’”

This exchange between Hutch and Cole comes just after they fight one another when Hutch learns the truth about Cole and Katie. Though it is clear Cole was jealous of Hutch throughout the novel, this quote reveals exactly why there is a rift between the brothers. However, Hutch’s response shows how he has always been trying to protect Cole, and how he sympathizes with his feelings now that he understands what caused them.

“Then, as if George Bailey had responded with, You’re the one who decided to come back for me, I went on: ‘What choice did I have? Honestly. I wasn’t leaving you here alone. Not after all you’ve been through. I just wish you had trusted me a little more, you know? Never choose fear, okay? Choose love. Choose trust! When a good person shows up to rescue you, choose that person!’”

Katie has this imaginary conversation with George Bailey while they are drifting away on the houseboat during the hurricane, with the dog’s voice in italics. Though Katie does not actually have this conversation, it reveals what she feels about heroism and doing the right thing. It also parallels Katie’s feelings about Hutch, showing how she should have chosen love and trust over fear and accepted help from those who wanted to help her.

“‘How do you think about it?’ ‘It’s just, you know, that…everything gets a pass because it’s mine.’ ‘Everything gets a pass?’ ‘Yeah. It’s like, I know what a supermodel is…and I know that I don’t look like that. But I just love all of my…everything…because it’s mine.’ She loved all of her everything because it was hers. It was such an astonishing idea, I didn’t know what to say.”

This exchange between Katie and Beanie occurs while Katie is waiting to be rescued, and Katie asks Beanie what is on her own beauty list. The fact that Beanie’s list encompasses everything is groundbreaking to Katie and cements the idea that her body and herself are one. This is ultimately what convinces Katie to love her body and herself unconditionally, seeing how she needs to love what is her own.

“What happens when you drown? What does it feel like? Is it peaceful—or full of thrashing? Does it hurt when the water fills your lungs? […] A visual that I couldn’t push away took over the movie screen of my mind: of tiny fish nibbling away every single thing about me that made me me. The earlobes? Eaten. The eyes? Consumed. The kissable mouth? Devoured.”

Katie thinks this as she is still waiting to be rescued, spiraling into hopelessness after she dropped her phone in the water and couldn’t talk to Beanie. She begins to connect the dots about what she learned from Beanie’s previous confession, understanding how she will actually be sad to lose the pieces of her body that are a piece of herself.

“Grief. Grief for a body that, it turned out, I’d loved all along. I’d taken her for granted, this soft, tender, undemanding self—all these years. I’d criticized her, and ignored her, and scorned her, and denied her. And she’d just endured it. She’d stayed with me and taken it all—because she had no choice. And now it was a love story—but a tragic one. Because now it was too late. Tears streamed from the corners of my eyes as I watched the sky. I regretted how mean I’d been. I regretted how relentlessly I had refused to show myself any kindness. I felt the most doomed and hopeless protectiveness. I wished beyond anything that I could save her. But there was nothing I could do. Nothing except apologize.”

As with the previous quote, here Katie truly appreciates the magnitude of losing her body, especially after only recently learning to love it. Katie feels grief not only for herself but for her body, regretting the cruelty with which she has always treated it. Because of the beauty list and her revelations about her worth, Katie now fears she will lose what she just discovered.

“The people who hurt us in life almost never apologize. But she deserved it. And if nothing else, before she disappeared, I wanted her to know that. I should have loved all of my everything. Because it was mine.”

Katie’s grief for her body continues into this quote as she fears she will drown and lose everything. This quote parallels Beanie’s earlier statement that she loves her body just because it is her own, showing how this message has finally sunk in for Katie. As both the person to apologize and forgive, Katie fully recognizes that her body and herself are one.

“‘Love is the worst.’ But he was smiling at me. ‘It makes you jealous. And possessive. And desperate. It upsets your orderly life. It haunts you, and worries you, and gets you drunk with your brother. It tempts you. It makes you say yes when you should say no, and it stops you from saying yes when that’s the only thing you want to do. It keeps you up all night with worry, and then makes you run out of fuel because you can’t stop searching for a woman on a sinking houseboat.’”

Hutch tells this to Katie as they are flying away from the sinking houseboat, and she tells him what Cole said early in the novel about him being a “love hater.” Hutch’s tone is somewhat sarcastic as he admits love is difficult, but he never suggests it is not worth it. Tying back to the title of the novel, this quote shows how love is worth fighting for despite the pain it can cause.