The Love Haters

“It was such an odd idea, when you think about it: that I could hurt the world back by hurting myself. But it was the best I could come up with at the time.”

This quote comes from Katie’s discussion of the eating disorder she developed as a reaction to her public image. Katie’s admission that this “odd idea” was the best she could think of in the moment conveys how pervasive misogyny short-circuits her critical faculties. Additionally, the open manner with which she addresses her audience highlights the often-confessional nature of her narration, something that can be seen throughout the novel as she talks to her audience as if they were a friend.

“But the fact remains: I abandoned swimsuits forever after that lady showed up in my life. So I couldn’t lay all of my insecurities at Lucas Banks’s feet. Some of them were courtesy of Angela. Some of them came from just being a girl in a world that is appallingly mean to girls. Do any of us escape unscathed? I really was fine now. Most of the time. As long as I could keep my clothes on.”

Katie discusses her stepmother Angela’s impact on her life. Her reflections show that she is still healing from the negative self-image she developed during her time with Lucas, even though Lucas is not solely responsible for this negative self-image. Swimsuits serve as a symbol of how Katie views herself and her body throughout the novel.

“And then a fun thing happened: the fabric started to glide on the air and float out around my calves, like a pinwheel. For a moment, until I got dizzy and stopped, I felt several things other than weird: the smooth wood floor under my bare feet, the wind swirling around my legs, the very bizarre—but not totally unpleasant, if I’m honest—sensation of having no underpants on…and, as I looked down at the bright fabric fluttering below, a micro-flash of the delight you can only get from glimpsing something beautiful. Genuine delight—just for a half second. There, and then gone. Like a firefly.”

Katie thinks this when Rue gets her to try on a brightly colored caftan, rather than her uniform of plain black clothing. Color is often symbolic in the novel, showing how Katie learns to embrace joy in her life. This is her first introduction to color in the novel, and her momentary delight foreshadows how she will change and become more colorful throughout the story.