The Magus

“I acquired expensive habits and affected manners […] I was too green to know that all cynicism masks a failure to cope— an impotence, in short; and that to despise all effort is the greatest effort of all […] The truth was I was not a cynic by nature, only by revolt. I had got away from what I hated, but I hadn’t found where I loved, and so I pretended that there was nowhere to love. Handsomely equipped to fail, I went out into the world.”

These lines reflect Nick’s self-awareness, and also create narrative distance between the novel’s chronicler and his younger self, introducing the theme of The Quest for an Authentic Self Amid Illusions. The impression created is that of a wiser, older Nick ironically commenting on the follies of his youthful persona.

“In our age it is not sex that raises its ugly head, but love.”

As Nick and Alison grow closer, Nick comments on how, in his era, it is easier to admit sexual desire than love. Physical intimacy is far easier than emotional intimacy, since the latter involves being vulnerable. Nick’s changing ideas of intimacy will form a key component of his character arc.

“Alison was leaning slightly against me, holding my hand […] I suddenly had a feeling that we were one body, one person, even there; that if she had disappeared it would have been as if I had lost half of myself. A terrible deathlike feeling, which anyone less cerebral and self-absorbed than I was then would have realized was simply love. I thought it was desire. I drove her straight home and tore her clothes off.”

One of the novel’s recurrent motifs is that Nick already has the answer to his quest before beginning the search. These lines show that Nick is already in love with Alison even before leaving Greece, but his illusions prevent him from admitting the fact.