The Meaning of Marriage: Facing the Complexities of Commitment with the Wisdom of God

Timothy and Kathy Keller’s The Meaning of Marriage is situated within a cultural context marked by deep skepticism of traditional institutions. Written in the early 21st century and largely shaped by Western, urban, and postmodern sensibilities, the book acknowledges the shifting social currents that have redefined how individuals, especially younger generations, perceive marriage. Noting that contemporary culture is increasingly wary of long-term commitment, the Kellers directly engage with the suspicion that marriage is restrictive, unnecessary, or outdated. They assert that romantic idealism, economic anxiety, and hyper-individualism have led many to either delay marriage indefinitely or reject it entirely. In this cultural context, marriage is often viewed not as a covenant or lifelong promise but as a conditional contract—one that should only last as long as both partners find it fulfilling. The Kellers push back against this understanding by presenting marriage as a divine institution rooted in covenantal commitment, calling on readers to reimagine marriage not as a means to self-actualization, but as a transformative relationship grounded in mutual service, sacrifice, and spiritual growth.

The book is reacting against the influence of expressive individualism—the belief that identity and fulfillment are found by looking inward and prioritizing personal desires. The Kellers argue that this mindset has profoundly shaped how people approach romantic relationships, leading to unrealistic expectations and fragile unions. They critique the cultural narrative that suggests a spouse should “complete you” by meeting all emotional needs and never demanding change. By contrast, they propose that true intimacy comes not from ideal compatibility but from a shared commitment to growth and self-giving love. The Kellers’ alternative vision rooted in Christian theology clashes with dominant cultural assumptions about love, freedom, and happiness. Their message resists the notion that commitment stifles authenticity and instead frames covenantal love as a means to deeper freedom and joy—one that paradoxically arises through self-sacrifice and permanence rather than unbounded choice.

The Kellers’ treatment of gender roles in marriage diverges sharply from many contemporary views, particularly those rooted in egalitarian or feminist frameworks. While affirming the equal value and dignity of men and women, the book upholds a complementarian model, suggesting that husbands and wives have distinct but interdependent roles. They draw heavily on passages like Ephesians 5 to argue that male headship and female submission, properly understood, reflect the self-giving love of Christ and the responsive love of the church. The Kellers take care to distance their view from abusive or domineering models of male leadership, emphasizing that biblical headship involves sacrificial service rather than control. Still, they stand in opposition to mainstream discourse, especially in a cultural climate that tends to equate hierarchy in relationships with inequality or injustice. The book’s presentation of gender roles is thus one of its most countercultural aspects. In a sociopolitical context where gender equality is often interpreted through the lens of uniformity and symmetry, the Kellers’ proposal of differentiated roles rooted in theology is provocative.

The Meaning of Marriage is attentive to the way cultural expectations around sex and dating have evolved. The Kellers critique the hookup culture, cohabitation, and the commodification of sex, contending that these practices erode the stability that marriage requires. They promote a biblical vision of sexuality, where sex is not merely a recreational or emotional experience, but a covenant-reinforcing act designed to deepen unity. This argument stands in tension with prevailing sexual ethics, which often detach sex from long-term relational or moral commitments. In addressing chastity, pornography, and cohabitation, the book enters a broader cultural debate about what constitutes healthy intimacy and how sexual behavior shapes individuals and relationships. Here again, the Kellers call for a radical reevaluation of commonly held norms and offer a counter-narrative that positions sex within a sacred framework.

The Meaning of Marriage bridges the gap between early Christian teaching and modern attitudes towards marriage. The book addresses cultural trends such as fear of commitment, idolization of romantic fulfillment, breakdown of traditional gender roles, and changing sexual mores, prescribing a theologically grounded vision of marriage as a solution. The book aims to reframe marriage as a path of spiritual formation that reflects God’s love and covenantal faithfulness.