The Meaning of Marriage: Facing the Complexities of Commitment with the Wisdom of God

In this section, Timothy and Kathy Keller challenge contemporary understandings of love and marriage their vision of Marriage as a Covenantal Relationship. They rely on the rhetorical device of contrast to make their point. Through binaries such as law and emotion, and passion and duty, the Kellers suggest that true marital love thrives in a space where commitment enables passion to deepen over time. They also contrast biblical depictions of covenantal love with what they see as modern consumerist notions of relationships. This contrast is supported through both abstract argument and concrete examples. For instance, in Chapter 3, a television drama in which a woman dismisses marriage as “a piece of paper” (77) offers an example of contemporary realism that sets the stage for the authors’ argument that romantic love, when unmoored from the covenantal framework, becomes unstable and ultimately self-serving. The Kellers make their case through theological framing, using biblical excerpts like Ephesians 5:31 and Genesis 2:24 as authoritative anchors for their claims about the “essence” of marriage. To add authoritative weight to their ideas, the authors reference sociological insights (e.g. the commodification of relationships), theological tradition (e.g. covenant as a vertical and horizontal act), and philosophical perspectives. Early 19th century Danish philosopher Søren Kierkegaard’s notion of aesthetic versus ethical life provides a conceptual framework that moves the discussion into existential philosophy, inviting readers to see romantic love not as undermined but fulfilled through covenantal commitment.

The Kellers’ writing balances exposition and persuasion, often engaging in pre-emptive rebuttal of cultural objections. For example, in Chapter 3, they cite turn of the 20th-century British philosopher Bertrand Russell’s idea that duty stifles love. Then, they dispute this claim by arguing that a binding promise instead enhances love’s depth. Through historical and cultural references, such as mentions of Robert Bolt’s play A Man for All Seasons (1960) or G.K. Chesterton’s observations on vow-making, the Kellers add cross-disciplinary commentary. Meanwhile, theological references mark their handling of sensitive topics like sex and divorce. For instance, Jesus’ teachings in Matthew 19 differentiate consumer from covenantal logic. This theological interpretation is extended with the example of God himself going through “divorce” (Jeremiah 3:8), comparing divine empathy to human suffering.

The authors frequently employ metaphor and imagery to illustrate abstract theological concepts and make their arguments more vivid and relatable. For example, in Chapter 4, the image of a “faithful hand” sifting through a friend’s raw thoughts and blowing away the chaff “with the breath of kindness” (112) gives texture to an otherwise abstract point about the nature of true friendship and emotional safety within marriage. When describing Christian friendship, Keller weaves in references to Proverbs and the writings of C.S. Lewis and Emerson. These allusions intend to elevate the intellectual tone and connect the discussion to a broader tradition of thought. Similarly, Kathy Keller’s remark that one should marry “a block of marble” (122) rather than a finished statue uses metaphor to summarize a chapter about true compatibility as directional and developed. The image echoes Michelangelo’s description of his sculpting process: “I looked inside the marble and just took away the bits that weren’t David” (122). The analogy conveys the idea that marriage is a co-participation with God in the redemptive shaping of another person.

The Kellers use anecdotal realism—stories about overcommitment to children or parents, and about marriage breakdowns due to misplaced priorities—to ground their theological ideals in lived experience. For instance, the example of the woman so devoted to her daughter’s success that she neglects her husband reveals how even noble loves, when overindulged, can become destructive.