The Montessori Toddler

Simone Davies, a teacher trained by the Association Montessori Internationale (AMI), a leading Montessori certification organization, runs parent-child classes at Jacaranda Tree Montessori in Amsterdam, the Netherlands. In this heavily illustrated guide, she argues that toddlers, commonly dismissed as experiencing "the terrible twos" (2), are misunderstood individuals simply trying to make sense of the world. Davies draws on her classroom experience, her study of Positive Discipline (a parenting philosophy emphasizing mutual respect and problem solving) and Nonviolent Communication (a method focused on empathic listening and honest expression), and her own parenting to offer an alternative to threats, bribes, and punishments.

Davies opens by reframing how adults perceive toddlers. She describes them as present-minded, authentic, enormously capable, and forgiving. They absorb language effortlessly through what Dr. Maria Montessori called the "absorbent mind" (4), and they take on household tasks eagerly when given the right setup. At the same time, toddlers (defined as children from around one to three years old) need to assert autonomy, move constantly, and crave order. Their impulsiveness reflects a still-developing prefrontal cortex, not defiance.

The book provides a brief history of Dr. Montessori, one of Italy's first female doctors in the late 1800s, who observed children with disabilities in a Roman asylum and proposed that education, not medicine, was the answer. Her success led to the opening of the first Casa dei Bambini (House of Children) in Rome in 1907, and her methods eventually spread to over 20,000 schools worldwide. Davies contrasts traditional education's top-down model with the Montessori model, where the child, adult, and learning environment share a dynamic relationship and the child drives their own learning. She introduces ten foundational principles that structure the book: the prepared environment, the child's natural desire to learn, hands-on concrete learning, sensitive periods (windows when a child is especially receptive to mastering a specific skill), the unconscious absorbent mind, freedom within limits, independence and responsibility, individual development, respect, and observation.

Davies identifies activities as the easiest entry point for Montessori at home, organizing them into five areas: eye-hand coordination (threading, posting, puzzles, sorting), music and movement (instruments, dancing, climbing), practical life (food preparation, cleaning, self-care), arts and crafts (drawing, watercolor, cutting, clay), and language (vocabulary baskets progressing from real objects to matching cards, realistic books, and conversation). She explains the method of presenting an activity using the acronym SHOW, which stands for "Slow Hands, Omit Words" (27): Adults demonstrate with precise, slow movements without speaking so the child can focus on watching. Key principles include letting the child lead, avoiding interruption during deep focus, allowing repetition for mastery, and arranging activities on shelves from easiest to hardest. A section on nature advocates for all-weather exploration, gardening, and seasonal collections. Davies also acknowledges a place for well-selected open-ended toys like wooden blocks and train sets, provided they complement rather than replace Montessori activities.

A detailed chapter walks through setting up the home room by room, from low hooks and a shoe basket at the entrance to a floor mattress the child can access independently in the bedroom. Davies emphasizes child-sized furniture, beauty displayed at the child's height, a "less is more" philosophy, and consistent organization. The kitchen features real glasses and cutlery, a learning tower (a safe raised platform that allows toddlers to reach counter height), and accessible snack containers. She lists an eight-piece starter set for minimal expense and includes a home tour of a Montessori family in Austria.

Davies then turns to fostering curiosity and accepting the child. She identifies five ingredients for curiosity: trust in the child's developmental path, a rich learning environment, unscheduled time, a physically and emotionally safe base, and a sense of wonder. Seven principles build on these: follow the child's interests, encourage hands-on exploration, include the child in daily life, go slow, scaffold skills step by step, encourage creativity grounded in reality (noting research by Tanya Sharon and Jacqueline D. Woolley showing that three-year-olds struggle to distinguish real from fantastical), and observe without judgment. On acceptance, Davies encourages parents to be their child's translator, putting the toddler's needs into words. She draws a firm line: All feelings are allowed, but not all behavior. She challenges habitual praise like "good job," drawing on parenting author Alfie Kohn's critique that extrinsic praise can lower motivation, and instead recommends descriptive feedback from Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish's How to Talk So Kids Will Listen and Listen So Kids Will Talk. She also cautions against labeling children, noting that even positive labels can become burdens.

The book's approach to discipline centers on cultivating cooperation and setting limits. Davies advocates problem solving with the toddler by asking "How can we solve the problem?" (110), giving age-appropriate choices, providing information rather than commands, using humor, and maintaining a daily rhythm. When cooperation fails, she recommends establishing consistent house rules, following through with gentle action, and expressing limits with phrases like "I can't let you..." (123). Consequences must be logical and directly related to the behavior. For tantrums, she references Daniel Siegel and Tina Payne Bryson's concept in The Whole-Brain Child of a child "flipping his lid" (126), meaning the reasoning brain becomes unavailable during a meltdown. The parent offers safety, allows emotions to pass, and afterward helps the child make amends through restorative actions rather than punishment.

A lengthy chapter applies these principles to daily routines. Davies reframes dressing, eating, and bathing as opportunities for connection rather than tasks to rush through. She recommends easy clothing and teaches the Montessori coat flip, in which the child places the coat on the floor, stands at the hood, inserts both hands, and lifts the coat overhead. For eating, the adult decides where, when, and what to serve, while the child decides how much. For sleeping, she recommends a bed the child can access independently and a gentle chair technique for teaching self-settling. On toileting, she scaffolds skills gradually, emphasizing that children should never be forced. She also addresses pacifier weaning, sibling dynamics (drawing on Faber and Mazlish's Siblings Without Rivalry), sharing through turn-taking, managing hitting and biting phases, building concentration, limiting screen time, and supporting bilingualism during the toddler's sensitive period for language.

Davies devotes a chapter to what Dr. Montessori called "preparation of the adult." She emphasizes physical self-care, daily rituals such as meditation and gratitude writing, practicing presence, filling one's own emotional reserves, slowing down, and modeling honesty. The parent's role is to be the child's guide: available, respectful, and clear, but not rushing to solve every problem.

A chapter on working together addresses the many forms family can take. Davies advises sharing Montessori ideas gradually through articles and conversations, modeling respectful communication, and seeking agreement on big values. For resolving conflict, she presents a twenty-minute active listening exercise in which each person speaks uninterrupted for five minutes while the other listens, then the listener reflects back what was heard before roles switch. She also addresses divorce, arguing it need not be harmful if parents prioritize stability and speak kindly about each other in the child's presence.

The book closes by presenting Dr. Montessori's four planes of development from birth to age 24: physical independence (0–6 years), mental independence (6–12), social independence (12–18), and spiritual and moral independence (18–24). Davies notes that modern brain research on prefrontal cortex development supports what Montessori observed over a century ago. She calls for educational reform, cites education expert Sir Ken Robinson's work on creativity, and closes with a message of peace, quoting Mahatma Gandhi and the inscription on Dr. Montessori's tomb to urge readers to apply these perspective-taking skills beyond parenting and into the wider world.

Supplementary material includes home tours from Montessori families worldwide, an appendix with alternative language charts, sources for materials, information about Montessori schools, a feelings and needs chart, a play-dough recipe, a comprehensive activity list organized by age, and a further reading section.