The Rest of Our Lives

“But she didn’t want that. At least, not until the kids had left home—the home and the kids were all she had to show for the last twelve years of her life. The thing with Zach didn’t mean anything. It was more like a kind of self-harm. […] A bid for attention. But Amy’s a person who tells stories about her motives and actions, which are very persuasive, to her as well, so it’s sometimes hard to talk about or even work out what’s really going on.”

Tom’s description of his marriage to Amy offers background information about the narrative world and stakes. Although Tom and Amy are still together, the marriage lacks connection in the present, particularly in light of Tom’s response to Amy’s affair with Zach Zirsky 12 years ago. His reflections on Amy (and her version of events) have a bitter tone, which shows his lack of empathy for his wife’s experience. He has yet to face The Fear of Emotional Confrontation.

“What do I want to hear? Not the stuff she tells me, but Amy thinks I have no idea what girls are like. The way they design their personalities to please other people, which is what she says she did. But Miri doesn’t actually care that much about other people; she’s more like me.”

Tom describes his relationship with his daughter, Miriam (Miri), by describing Amy’s opinion of it. These remarks show Tom’s reluctance to reflect on why he and Miri are close. In addition, the passage shows how Tom understands himself in opposition to Amy. He struggles to simply claim his relationships and opinions as his own, without remarking on how they contrast with Amy’s.

“How is it not my business? You spend your life as a guy getting slammed for objectifying women, and then you have a daughter and you’re supposed to stand back and let her spend however long she wants in front of the bathroom mirror, basically turning herself into an object. Well, whatever; if that’s the system, it’s the system, I don’t expect to change the world.”

Tom’s remarks on Miri’s coming of age and his experience parenting a teenage girl provide insight into his conservative viewpoints and his often-problematic view of others who don’t share his experience. The passage has a defensive tone, revealing Tom’s desire to absolve himself and to prove that his opinions of how Miri dresses and behaves are more justified than his wife’s.