The Road Less Traveled: A New Psychology of Love, Traditional Values and Spiritual Growth

In Chapter 12, Peck states that creating balance in your life might feel challenging, but it is not impossible. To establish internal balance, be aware of your emotions and note when and how your feelings manifest. If you’re feeling angry, for example, find appropriate times to express this emotion, as ignoring your anger will only cause it to manifest later in harmful ways. On a broader level, know that maintaining balance requires the mental flexibility to navigate different responsibilities, needs, and desires. For example, in Peck’s life, he wanted to spend more time with his daughter, so one night, he suggested that they play chess. Wanting to win the game, he pressured her to keep playing even though she grew anxious when the game extended past her bedtime. Ultimately, she grew so upset that she burst into tears and left. Peck realized that he had prioritized winning over spending quality time with his daughter. He had to let this part of himself go in order to create a healthier relationship.

Chapter 13 states that in order to grow as an individual, you must first acknowledge that you need help. Starting psychotherapy is one way to own your weaknesses, pursue personal edification, and learn to let old parts of yourself go. Peck says that the most important things a person can relinquish include the “state of infancy,” the “fantasy of omnipotence,” the desire for possession of your parents, the “dependency of childhood,” the “agility of youth,” the “fantasy of immortality,” authority over your children, and the self (71-72). Once you learn to release these ways of being and thinking, you will be more apt to evolve.

Chapter 14 suggests that to give up the self, you can practice bracketing—the discipline of putting yourself aside to create room for new beliefs, relationships, and possibilities. Each facet of your old self that you set aside will offer opportunities for self-enlargement. Bracketing and personal evolution will not eradicate life’s suffering, but believing in your own capacity for expansion will create room for more love and joy. This is another important aspect of self-discipline, which requires strength and openness and will improve your mental health.

Chapter Lessons

• To grow in a positive way, let go of unhealthy habits and establish behavioral patterns that are better suited to your circumstances.
• To find internal balance, stay aware of your emotions and find healthy ways to express them.
• The purpose of life is to grow and change, but positive growth requires awareness, care, and sacrifice, as well as the willingness to let go of old behavior patterns.
• Bracketing is a skill in which you set aside your typical priorities and let go of old aspects of yourself in order to create room for new viewpoints and experiences.

Reflection Questions

• Identify two maladaptive habits that you might relinquish. How do you imagine your life will change without these tendencies?
• Which states of being or mind from Peck’s list have you found most difficult to let go? Why do you believe that you are still holding onto these beliefs or behaviors? How might your life change without them?
• Try implementing Peck’s bracketing skill. Which aspects of yourself might you set aside to create room for new revelations?