The Road Less Traveled: A New Psychology of Love, Traditional Values and Spiritual Growth

Chapter 9 asserts that if you’re feeling stuck in your adult life, it is best to examine how you might have transferred outdated lessons from childhood to your current experiences. Peck defines “transference” as the act of shifting inappropriate behavioral models from childhood into adulthood. While transference can be unconscious, it can have negative impacts on the psyche. For example, the wife of one of Peck’s clients left him because he was distant and disengaged. The client had a habit of distrusting everyone, which began in childhood because the client never trusted his parents. Once the client realized this, he redrew his outdated life map and started changing his outlook on his relationships. Peck asserts that redrawing life maps helps people to avoid transference, embrace reality, and increase self-discipline.

In Chapter 10, Peck notes that to dedicate yourself to the truth, you must be open to criticism, challenges, and advice. He asserts that the best way to pursue truth and growth is to enter psychotherapy and expose yourself to scrutiny in order to facilitate more effective self-exploration. Other ways to pursue truth and growth are to be open and aware in all social interactions. If you want others to engage with you honestly, you must prioritize honesty—even if it might expose you to criticism. Both psychotherapy and interpersonal relationships are founded on mutual trust.

In Chapter 11, Peck notes that in all relationships, telling lies can lead to mistrust, deprivation, and feelings of lovelessness. He gives examples of “white” and “black” lies and examines their effects. “White lies,” statements that omit facets of the truth, are as dangerous as “black lies,” statements that are objectively false. White lies are culturally understood as a means of protecting others, particularly children, but Peck contends that hiding the truth from children can make them feel insecure and devalued. Instead, Peck recommends never telling falsehoods, being mindful of the moral consequences of lying, and remembering that hiding the truth should never solely benefit oneself. He also stresses that prioritizing honesty and truth decreases conflict, improves relationships, and frees people from fear.

Chapter Lessons

• Many mental health challenges arise from transference (the unconscious habit of applying outdated behavioral patterns to present-day circumstances).
• Examining your childhood circumstances can help you to understand that the lessons you learned as a child may be irrelevant to your adult life.
• Truth, honesty, and openness are key facets of healthy relationships, and it is important to accept scrutiny and be honest with everyone in your life, even if this means facing criticism.
• Put the truth before your feelings, fears, and biases, and always embrace honesty in order to improve your relationships.

Reflection Questions

• Identify two behavioral patterns that you might have transferred from your childhood. How can you amend these patterns to better serve your adult circumstances?
• Identify two aspects of your life in which you feel reluctant to speak honestly. What is holding you back? What do you imagine the consequences of being open might be?
• Peck asserts that “white lies” and “black lies” are equally as harmful. Do you agree? How does your outlook on truth align with or differ from Peck’s?