The Road Less Traveled: A New Psychology of Love, Traditional Values and Spiritual Growth

In Chapter 14, Peck argues that love requires will, desire, and self-awareness, and that to be more loving, people must be in control of their emotions. However, he then uses highly problematic, racist metaphor to illustrate this point by comparing emotions to enslaved peoples and the individual to the enslaver, arguing that individuals must maintain control over their emotions without causing them too much harm. Peck then argues that genuine love can only extend to a small group of people. He believes that an individual cannot love a large network of people equally. Instead, he holds that genuine love is best manifested in the context of a select few relationships.

Chapter 15 asserts that truly loving relationships are built upon respect, boundaries, and individuality. Peck interrogates the notion that a committed relationship requires two individuals to merge into one new whole. Instead, he asserts that each partner must preserve their individuality and autonomy within their relationships. This model staves off unhealthy dependency and domination. The same is true in effective parental relationships. Parents mustn’t see their children as extensions of themselves; instead, they should regard their children as separate, autonomous entities. In marriages, casting off chauvinistic gender stereotypes is also essential to fostering reciprocal, effective dynamics.

In Chapter 16, Peck suggests that healthy psychotherapeutic relationships also require a form of love. This love need not be sexual or romantic, but it should be founded on genuine care, attention, and trust. Peck argues that most people pursue psychotherapy because they feel “an absence or defect in the love” they experienced as a child (175). Therefore, psychotherapists must exhibit love in order to facilitate clients’ growth.

Chapter 17 deals with the idea that although love is a mysterious aspect of the human experience, it is nonetheless essential to survival. However love manifests in your life, Peck advises remaining open to its beauty and surprises. He holds that people who let themselves experience the awe of these connections can open their minds and enrich their experiences.

Chapter Lessons

• Balancing your own emotional experience will allow you to engage in more balanced emotional relationships, which are ideally limited to a select number of intimate parties.
• Protect your autonomy and individuality in your intimate relationships and recognize that trying to control your partner or loved ones will limit their freedom and thwart your own inner growth.
• Psychotherapy can offer new avenues for personal growth, and effective psychotherapeutic relationships should be grounded in love, care, and respect.
• Enjoy love’s mysteries rather than letting them frustrate or upset you, and be willing to embrace love in all of its messiness and beauty.

Reflection Questions

• Peck uses outdated and potentially harmful metaphors to illustrate the importance of emotional control, and his view of love implicitly excludes polyamorous relationships. What alternate metaphor might you draw to encapsulate your beliefs about emotional restraint and/or expression, and how might you mitigate Peck’s exclusion of certain types of romantic love?
• Are there relationships in which you are too controlling of your loved ones? How might you improve these relationships by letting your loved ones be their own people?
• Which aspects of Peck’s musings on love in psychotherapy are most surprising to you? Do you agree that love is essential to successful clinical relationships?
• Identify a moment in one of your intimate relationships that recently surprised you. Why did this incident take you off guard? How did it enrich your experience?