The Sociopath Next Door: The Ruthless Versus The Rest Of Us

“Why have a conscience?”

Stout raises this rhetorical question early in the book and explores it throughout. A key theme for Stout is The Importance of Conscience in Human Interaction, and she urges the readers to consider the practical and moral purposes of conscience and how it adds meaning to their lives. Because the conscience is something most people take for granted, understanding its value requires effort and heavy reflection. The minimalistic phrasing of the question creates a sense of universality, as if the question could be posed to anyone, in any context. It serves as a doorway into deeper philosophical questions about human nature.

“Most readers will smile a little when Joe turns his car around. We feel pleased with him for going back to feed his dog. But why are we pleased? Is Joe acting out of conscience?”

Stout asks questions about things that most people take for granted, such as the conscience or the unwillingness to let an animal suffer. The reason she does this is to emphasize the difference in experience for someone with ASPD, who does not have the same capacities for empathy and guilt that others have. Stout also draws a connection between behavior and thought and between morality and action.

“We obey the rules, we honor the virtues, primarily from an internal need that begins in infancy and early childhood to preserve and remain embraced by our families and the larger human society in which we live.”

The origins of the conscience are psychological, social, and evolutionary, and they appear to be rooted in the need to belong, survive, and feel loved. The idea behind this is that the conscience is directly tied to survival of the species through the way it binds people together and keeps society functioning in a relatively smooth and peaceful fashion.

“Life is reduced to a contest, and other human beings seem to be nothing more than game pieces, to be moved about, used as shields or ejected.”

The metaphor of life as a “contest” and human beings as “game pieces” communicates a dehumanizing view of people through the lens of someone with ASPD or with no conscience. This metaphor emphasizes the exploitation of others, where people are reduced to mere tools. The verbs “moved,” “used,” and “ejected” carry a cold, mechanical tone, suggesting a lack of empathy or emotional engagement with others.

“If anything, people without conscience tend to believe their way of being in the world is superior to ours. They often speak of the naivete of other people and their ridiculous scruples, or of their curiosity about why so many people are unwilling to manipulate others, even in the service of their most important ambitions.”

Stout attempts to illustrate the vastly different perspective of people with ASPD. This quote explores the attitudes of superiority that people with ASPD often display and their belief that serving the self is simply better. The idea that people with ASPD cannot understand why others feel shame or remorse further emphasizes the importance of Protecting Against the Consequences of ASPD.

“Conscience is a creator of meaning.”

Stout presents several philosophical concepts throughout her book, including the nature of the conscience and its importance for humanity. This quote personifies the conscience and brings it beyond a passive, internal force to something that effects real-world change, with the power to instill hope and inspire love. Stout also emphasizes that without social bonds, life has no real meaning.

“Strength is important, because in championing the various causes of conscience, the odds are against us.”

Stout emphasizes the theme of protecting against the consequences of ASPD through the idea of resilience and strength, arguing that awareness and understanding can foster said strength. Stout points to the pressures, both internal and external, that lead to harmful decisions, and she urges readers to find their inner strength to overcome these negative aspects of everyday life.

“In the end, she is a good illustration of the difference between a person with ASPD and a criminal, which is, astoundingly, the same thing that separates a naughty three-year-old girl who is seen as well behaved from one who is scolded for taking candy from her mother’s purse. The difference, quite simply, is whether or not she gets caught.”

In describing the case of Doreen, who was never criminally punished for her illegal impersonation of a clinician, Stout communicates the importance of external consequences in shaping moral understanding. The metaphor of the “naughty three-year-old girl” illustrates the claim that people with ASPD are adept at manipulating others’ perceptions and avoiding consequences for their bad behavior.

“Before we discuss in detail our own psychological reactions to shamelessness, allow me to put these reactions in context by clearly describing what we are up against. Let us first take a careful look at the formidable techniques used by the shameless to keep us in line.”

The phrase “what we are up against” exemplifies the “us versus them” attitude that informs the book. Stout assumes that her readers do not have ASPD, and her goal is to teach them how to protect themselves from those who do. Critics have noted that this framing assumes that people with ASPD are beyond help, presenting them as “others” to be recognized and avoided.

“People with ASPD, people with no intervening sense of obligation based in attachments to others, typically devote their lives to interpersonal games, to ‘winning,’ to domination for the sake of domination.”

The idea of “playing games” with other people speaks to the notion that people with ASPD consider others to be more like objects than people and think only of their own needs and desires. Because of the lack of bonding with other people, they view life as a game to be won and everything within it as just a part of that game.

“The most reliable sign, the most universal behavior of unscrupulous people is not directed, as one might imagine, at our fearfulness. It is, perversely, an appeal to our sympathy.”

Protecting against consequences of ASPD requires being aware of appeals to pity and empathy in general. People with ASPD tend to use various manipulation tactics that draw on the emotional capacities of others, which the person with ASPD views as a weakness. The juxtaposition of fear and sympathy suggests the complexity of antisocial manipulation and its reliance on the victim’s emotional responses, further reinforcing the breakdown of normal human connections.

“I am sure that if the devil existed, he would want us to feel very sorry for him.”

This quote makes a sensationalistic comparison between people with ASPD and the devil, which is problematic in the sense that it dehumanizes people with ASPD and draws upon fear to incite an emotional response. The quote emphasizes Stout’s view of people with ASPD as irredeemable and as the source of most of society’s ills. By framing all appeals for empathy on the part of people with ASPD as attempts at manipulation, she effectively casts them outside the bounds of compassion. This is precisely the “moral exclusion” that she elsewhere identifies as one of the evils of human nature.

“What carves this deep and yet strangely invisible dividing line across the human race? Why do some people not have a conscience? What causes ASPD?”

The phrase “deep and yet strangely invisible dividing line” uses oxymoron to describe the difference between those with and without conscience, implying that while the difference is extreme, it is not always easy to see or understand. Stout again brings up the question “Why do some people not have a conscience?” which relates to the book’s theme of the importance of conscience in human interaction.

“ASPD is, at its very essence, ice-cold, like a dispassionate game of chess. In this way, it is different from ordinary duplicitousness, narcissism, and even violence, which are often full of emotional heat.”

Stout uses a simile to compare the various aspects of ASPD and its disconnect from humanity with the game that people with ASPD tend to play with others and with their own lives. There is a direct juxtaposition between the “ice-cold” of ASPD and the “emotional heat” of other personality disorders, suggesting that ASPD is in a world of its own.

“The tears came, soundless ones, no weeping noises, as if the rest of her were unaware she was crying. Streams fell from her eyes and rolled down onto her white silk shirt, making translucent stains. Apart from this, her demeanor remained unchanged, stoic. Her face did not fall.”

This quote contains an unsettling departure from the typical emotional experience of crying because Hannah’s tears are described as “soundless,” and she was unaware that she was crying. Her tears were evident, yet they had no bearing on her behavior. The imagery of the “white silk shirt” and the “translucent stains” highlights the contrast between outward sorrow and inward indifference. Hannah’s stoicism was likely caused by growing up with a father who refused to let her be anything but perfect.

“Living well is the best revenge.”

This phrase speaks to Sigmund Freud’s idea of reaction formation, suggesting that thriving and living virtuously despite others’ harm is a more powerful response than retaliation. The use of the word “revenge” here is significant because it redefines it as something positive: not through active vengeance but through personal success and moral superiority. This philosophical assertion relates to the theme of protecting against the consequences of ASPD.

“Moral reasoning is the thought process that attends conscience and helps it decide what to do.”

Stout’s definition of moral reasoning communicates the cognitive aspect of conscience, positioning it as a deliberative process that guides decision-making. The word “attends” suggests that the conscience is not a passive feeling but an active, guiding force that involves thought and reflection. The quote highlights the relationship between reason and morality, showing that the conscience is not just an emotional reaction but also a thoughtful process.

“Beginning in our genes and spiraling outward to all of our cultures, beliefs, and many religions, it is the shadow of the whisper of the beginning of an understanding that we are all one. And whatever its origins, this is the essence of conscience.”

The imagery of “spiraling outward” evokes the evolutionary origins of the conscience, linking it to people’s biological and social development. The phrase “shadow of the whisper” emphasizes a subtle, almost elusive understanding of interconnectedness, highlighting that the conscience is an almost universal human trait. By exploring both cultural and religious perspectives, Stout illustrates the universality of the conscience across people and disciplines, framing it as a fundamental aspect of human existence.

“If you could be completely free of conscience—no moral scruples and no guilt at all—what do you think you would do with your life?”

This question challenges the readers to contemplate a life unconstrained by moral limitations, pushing them to reflect on the nature of human motivation and behavior. The absence of a conscience presents a situation where people are free to act without moral consequence. The hypothetical nature of the question allows one to explore the profound ethical implications of ASPD.

“They are uncomfortable in their skins for more reasons than boredom.”

The expression “uncomfortable in their skins” refers to a sense of dislocation or disassociation from one’s identity. The statement “for more reasons than boredom” suggests that this unease is not just due to restlessness but rather to more serious problems like emotional conflict or depression. This metaphor draws attention to the existential struggle that people with ASPD may go through, where an underlying sense of meaninglessness is caused by their inability to emotionally connect with either themselves or others.

“There is the will to possess and to dominate, and then there is love.”

Two juxtaposing dynamics in human relationships are shown in this contrast between dominance and affection. While “love” implies empathy, compassion, and respect for one another, the “will to possess and dominate” implies control and self-interest, which are characteristics of ASPD. It reflects the theme of the importance of conscience in human interaction, which includes the fact that moral behavior is greatly influenced by the presence or absence of love.

“In Tillie’s universe, Tillie is always right, and she takes pleasure in opposing and frustrating her opponents, who are seemingly everywhere and somehow always wrong.”

In the story that Stout presents, Tillie has ASPD and believes that the world centers around her. The statement that she “takes pleasure in opposing and frustrating her opponents” emphasizes her manipulative and dominating behavior, which is a defining characteristic of ASPD. Tillie’s unyielding attitude of superiority is reinforced by the use of “always,” and her enjoyment of frustration betrays a sadistic side common to individuals without a conscience.

“In a remarkable confluence—even the radical materialists and the mystics in a tacit meeting of the minds—behavioral science, evolutionary psychology, and all traditional theologies agree that having a strong conscience is extremely advantageous, and that not having one at all most commonly leads to disaster, for groups and also for individuals.”

This quote emphasizes the belief that having a strong conscience is advantageous for individuals and society. It demonstrates the universality of the idea by explaining the importance of the conscience in both science and spirituality. By highlighting the moral dangers of having no conscience, the statement “most commonly leads to disaster” emphasizes the importance of conscience in human interaction.