The Sound of Gravel: A Memoir

Encourage readers to connect the book’s themes and characters with their personal experiences.

1. Ruth’s relationship with her siblings provided purpose during her difficult childhood. How have your own family relationships shaped your sense of identity and purpose during difficult times?

2. The memoir explores how religious fundamentalism shapes worldviews and life choices. Have you witnessed how deeply-held beliefs influence major life decisions, either in your own experience or in others’ lives?

3. Ruth takes on significant responsibilities for her siblings when she is still quite young. Have you ever found yourself in a situation where you had to assume adult responsibilities earlier than you expected? How did this shape your perspective on childhood or your identity?

4. Throughout the book, Ruth demonstrates remarkable resilience in the face of adversity. What resources or coping mechanisms helped you navigate difficult periods in your own life?

5. Ruth’s grandmother offers an alternative perspective on polygamy and religious devotion. Has someone in your life presented a viewpoint that helped you see your circumstances differently? How did this influence your subsequent choices?

Examine the book’s relevance to societal issues, historical events, or cultural themes.

1. The memoir takes place in a polygamist colony where women and children experience neglect and abuse. How does this story contribute to broader conversations about balancing religious freedom with child welfare and protection?

2. Ruth’s experiences occur across the border between Mexico and the US. How does this transnational aspect add complexity to her story, and what does it reveal about the relationship between geography and opportunity?

3. Wariner’s memoir was published during a period of increasing awareness about childhood trauma and its effects. How might this cultural context have influenced how her story was received? Why might her perspective have been particularly valuable at this moment?

Dive into the book’s structure, characters, themes, and symbolism.

1. The title The Sound of Gravel refers to both a familiar sound near Wariner’s childhood home and the sound of gravel hitting her mother’s coffin. How did this auditory motif function throughout the narrative? What other sensory details heightened the memoir’s impact?

2. Wariner’s straightforward, unadorned prose style has been compared to Jeannette Walls’s approach in The Glass Castle. How did this writing style affect your experience of the difficult subject matter? In what ways did the simplicity enhance or detract from the story’s emotional power?

3. The memoir’s chapters follow a chronological structure, while the Prologue and Epilogue bookend them by providing glimpses of Ruth’s future happiness. How did this structure affect your experience of the narrative? What purpose might this bookending serve?

4. Wariner depicts her mother Kathy as loving yet repeatedly failing to protect her children. How does this nuanced characterization contribute to the memoir’s exploration of maternal love and its limitations?

5. How does Wariner’s portrayal of disability—through her siblings Audrey, Luke, and Meri—contribute to the memoir’s themes, particularly regarding sacrifice and resilience?

6. Throughout the memoir, Ruth’s understanding of her situation evolves as she matures. How does Wariner balance the limited perspective of her child self with the insights of her adult self as the narrator?