37 pages • 1-hour read
The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*CK: A Counterintuitive Approach to Living a Good Life
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Themes
Acceptance
Some things in life happen no matter what strategies we devise to prevent them from happening. These include the fact that one can’t always be right about everything—and that suffering and death are inevitable. The more readily one accepts these facts, the better off one will be in the long run. Manson sees avoidance of, or resistance to, universal truths as a poor strategy for experiencing happiness and a means of self-sabotage. Recognizing that certain things in life will always be outside our control requires setting aside one’s ego and embracing some uncertainty while identifying what one can control. This process involves a kind of letting go, but it doesn’t necessarily mean relinquishing authority over our lives. In Manson’s view, a stifling of the ego in favor of accepting that which one can’t control actually empowers one to have more authority over one’s life, not less.
In addition, Manson encourages us to look at the facts of life differently: “If suffering is inevitable, if our problems in life are unavoidable, then the question we should be asking is not ‘how do I stop suffering?’ but ‘why am I suffering—for what purpose?’” (68). Reframing the problem of suffering in this way rests on the initial acceptance that it’s inevitable, and to make acceptance easier, Manson asks us to change how we perceive suffering. The purpose of our suffering is a question that requires reflection, and this process can yield a deeper understanding of our values and what we ultimately stand for.
When Manson introduces the thought experiment of imagining running a marathon while held at gunpoint, he further illustrates how people experience pain differently depending on where they believe the pain is coming from. When people believe that pain comes from an external source, the sensations of that pain are heightened. However, at the heart of this view is an internal sense of injustice toward life. Underneath it lies angst about life’s inherent unfairness. Manson advocates for reflection that leads to recognizing this in oneself, thereby enabling one to take a critical first step in overcoming the angst. Bad things happen in life—that’s a fact—but despite the seeming unfairness that comes our way, we still have the power to make the best of things. To do so, we must first accept the facts as they are.
Happiness
Speaking of a misunderstanding Manson once had about what happiness is, he writes, “I thought happiness was a destiny, not a choice” (116). In the affirmative, Manson realized that happiness is indeed a choice, not some final destination that one arrives at by following certain prescribed formulas and secretive methods—or through superficial means, specifically by accumulating material possessions. This statement best represents how Manson views happiness throughout the text.
Since experiencing happiness isn’t some formulaic perma-state, it’s naturally fleeting. Like much else in life, the feelings associated with happiness don’t last, nor are they permanent. In Manson’s view however, we can learn to change our outlooks and experience it in a more substantive way. In Manson’s philosophy, we experience true happiness when we solve problems. The reward of rising to a challenge and overcoming it provides us with a feeling of personal accomplishment that adds to our sense of inner strength. In addition, we learn. Therefore, avoiding problems isn’t a good strategy to achieving happiness. Instead, we should first accept that life is full of challenges and then tackle the challenges without fear of failing. Fear is often a pitfall that keeps us from facing our problems directly. Fear can cause us to find ulterior means by which we can wiggle ourselves out of a problem. This deprives us of the opportunity to solve the problem and therefore robs us of experiencing the happiness that results from it.
Manson’s idea is not to find ways to avoid problems. This includes taking an indifferent approach. He sees apathy in general as avoidance of facing problems. Instead, Manson argues that we need to build our lives as much as possible so that our problems are essentially created from our own choosing: “True happiness occurs only when you find the problems you enjoy having and enjoy solving” (31). He also maintains that when we solve one problem, another problem will arise in relation to the original. If we choose our problems wisely, which really entails how we define problems, then we can begin to build more opportunities to experience happiness. He concedes that some problems are simple and others far more difficult. However, even for the more difficult ones, like fixing broken relationships with friends and family members, if a problem is worth pursuing, then it will lead you to some degree of happiness when you confront it and overcome it.
Suffering as Inevitable
In Chapter 2, Manson provides a much-abbreviated biography of a young man who would become known as Buddha. The anecdote is powerful by itself and has an allegorical quality, but the essential point is to illustrate how Buddha came to view human suffering. As a youngster, he was protected and shielded from all visible signs of suffering. He was from a wealthy family, and his father, the king of the dominion, kept the youngster protected until he grew into a young man. He was so shielded that he only experienced pleasure and joy, but he realized as he grew older that he wasn’t entirely happy because nothing in his life contrasted with happiness. Without a frame of reference, happiness had no true value to him. When he left the palace, he immediately confronted the reality of human suffering and misery, and eventually he realized why suffering is necessary in life. Without it, we wouldn’t truly know happiness.
Manson uses the story of the Buddha as a way to demonstrate that a life without suffering doesn’t automatically mean that happiness will result by default. If we want to experience happiness, we first must accept that there is suffering in the world. Manson notes of the Buddha’s insights that “life itself is a form of suffering” (16). One can read this as saying that some degree of pain and suffering is part of the natural state of humanity. It’s a constant, and it’s inevitable. When we look at it this way, we can agree with Manson that “suffering totally sucks” (24). However, there’s no getting around it. It exists, and no person can fully escape it.
If suffering is indeed inevitable, then what do we do in response to it? That is one of the central questions of Manson’s book. He argues that first we need to truly accept the fact that suffering exists and that we all experience it. Second, we need to develop ways of viewing suffering that help us grow as humans rather than lead us to self-sabotage and destructive tendencies. In other words, coping mechanisms such as drug and alcohol abuse or sexual addiction aren’t the answer. Instead, inward reflection, which leads to an understanding of self and one’s place in the universe, is what Manson advocates. Living by a system of values that contextualizes suffering in a way that can lead to empowerment rather than self-destruction is equally important. In addition, we should orient our view toward suffering to see it as a “necessary component(s) to creating consistent happiness” (26).
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