The Survivor Wants to Die at the End

The point of view shifts to Paz’s mother. She tells the Rosas about her work at a women’s shelter and how her abusive marriage led her to that career. Gloria sees herself as a survivor and works to help other survivors.

Paz can feel Joaquin silently judging his mother for her disastrous marriage and violence-prone son. “‘You’re the best, Mom,’ I say while glaring back at Joaquin” (588).

When Gloria announces her pregnancy, Naya shares her own struggles with conceiving a baby. It took 12 tries before Alano came along, and she feared for his survival every step of the way. Once he was born, Naya continued to fear constantly that he would die. Gloria confirms that this fear is common to all mothers and never goes away.

Alano thinks guiltily of his own attempt to die by suicide. He has never told his mother about it.

Joaquin asks if Paz is happy about his new sibling. The latter secretly thinks that he won’t survive if the pregnancy kills his mother.

Rolando shares his life journey after being fired as a Death-Cast herald in the company’s early days. Joaquin makes sniping comments about Rolando’s failure to hold down a job, but he defends himself ably.

Joaquin has been secretly drinking from a flask he brought with him. The alcohol has made him belligerent as he insinuates that Paz is as dangerous as his father. Joaquin can feel everyone in the room eyeing him with silent disapproval.

Alano airs more dirty laundry as he mentions his father’s drinking problem. He also questions whether Death-Cast has done more harm than good. Joaquin dismisses the objection, but Paz tells him, “I’m not getting my life back, and it’s all your fault” (609).

Paz demands to know why the Death’s Dozen never got their calls on the first End Day. Joaquin says it was a system error, but this fact doesn’t comfort Paz. After his outburst, Paz is heartened by the thought that Alano gives him a reason to go on living.

Seeing Paz stand up to Joaquin, Alano admires Paz’s defiance. He feels safe with Paz, whose outward toughness hides a tender heart.

Joaquin recognizes the strong emotional bond between his son and Paz and hopes their love will not endanger their lives.

Joaquin receives an unexpected message. The actor who was supposed to film a promotion for Death-Cast’s new product, Project Meucci, has received his End Day notice. The ad needs to be filmed on Thursday in New York, and Alano suggests hiring Paz for the role. Joaquin sees this as a chance to make amends for the system glitch that indirectly killed Frankie Dario.

Gloria wants Paz to return to Los Angeles on Friday so they can share the 10th anniversary of his father’s death. Naya says that arrangements can be made to fly Paz to New York and get him back on time. Privately, Alano suggests that Paz should bring the goodbye letter he never got to give his father. “‘My old building,’ Paz says softly. ‘I wanna end this where it all started’” (625).

After the Rosa family leaves, Gloria receives an unexpected visit from the owner of Present Time gifts. Paz’s End Day order was never cancelled, and Gloria realizes that her son was recently suicidal. This realization causes her great emotional pain.

When Paz gets out of the shower in preparation for his trip, he is shocked to find that Gloria and Rolando have searched his room. They find his journal, the bloody sheets, and the first-aid kit he uses to dress his self-harm injuries. The adults feel he ought to be on suicide watch again and that a trip to New York is out of the question, but Paz flees the house, determined not to miss an opportunity to rekindle his acting career.

Paz makes it safely to the Rosa family jet and enjoys the amenities it offers as he and Alano fly to New York. After they land, Alano says they are driving to a park they both know from their childhoods, as he needs to make a confession.

The boys arrive at Althea Park, where Alano shared happy times with Ariana and Rio. He hopes Paz won’t reject him after he reveals a few more secrets from his past.

Paz remembers being in the same park because it was close to his family’s home. He recalled his first awareness of being gay when he saw another boy crying there. Alano says that it was July 4, 2010, and he was the boy crying because he had been bullied. He also saw Paz and felt the same stirrings. “If I’m right, this means that we were each other’s gay awakening” (648).

Alano then reveals that his brain is unique because he can remember everything that has ever happened to him. This ability is called hyperthymesia. The downside of this gift is that Alano relives his past vividly, as if the events he recalls are happening right now. Because he can’t get away from his past, Alano must remain focused to keep traumatic memories from overwhelming him. He says, “I really want a future with you, but I have to protect you as much as I need to protect myself from a total psychotic break” (659-60). Paz vows that they will always save each other.

Alano has another surprise in store. The park is only 10 blocks from Paz’s childhood apartment, which is now vacant. Alano arranges a realtor to show them the place if Paz still wants to go there for closure.

Alano recounts the people who know about his mental condition. His parents, his therapist, Ariana, and Paz are his only confidantes.

Paz is hesitant to enter his old building and even more hesitant to go into the apartment itself. While there, he reads the goodbye letter to his father. The experience is gut-wrenching, and Paz collapses into tears but promises himself that once he leaves the house, he will no longer be haunted by the past.

The boys go to Alano’s home, where he relives the knife attack that sent his family fleeing to Los Angeles a few days earlier. Paz helps him to stay grounded through the trauma. Alano realizes that despite the bodyguards that follow him everywhere, he and Paz keep each other safe.

Paz is impressed when Alano gives him the grand tour of the luxurious apartment where the Rosa family lives. The boys end the night speculating about who they would call if this were their End Day.

Alano talks about a time capsule he created to be given to his parents after his death. The seal won’t unlock without a Death-Cast account, which Alano terminated. He decides to reinstate his account so the time capsule contents won’t be lost. Alano is shocked and infuriated to realize that his father reactivated the account without his knowledge days earlier. He feels trapped and vows that even though his father is trying to control his life, he will have no say in his son’s death. He plans to take his own life in order to thwart Death-Cast.

Paz is horrified to see Alano preparing to jump from the balcony. He tries every possible method to calm Alano down, but nothing reaches him during his mental health crisis. When Paz runs out of other options, he leaps onto the balcony and takes Alano’s hand, preparing to jump with him. Just as he leans forward, Alano pulls him back. Paz says, “Love saved us tonight, and as long as we stay together, love will keep us alive” (705).

Once the crisis passes, Alano reflects on the experience. He is hopeful about the future, but there is one secret he still hasn’t shared with Paz.

Alano’s hyperthymesia allows him to recall events even from the time he was in the womb. It was then that his father revealed the secret of how Death-Cast works to his mother, so Alano has always known. On the first End Day, he went into the Vault at Death-Cast to investigate its secret. He believes that this action caused the deaths of the Death’s Dozen. Alano believes that Paz would never forgive him if he realized that Alano is the real reason Paz’s father failed to receive his End Day notice.