The True True Story of Raja the Gullible (and His Mother)

“It wasn’t a desire for him that I felt. I longed for the desire I used to feel for a boy like him when I was younger, a nostalgia of sorts, the deliciousness of hunger, the flush of blood. I longed for longing; I desired desire.”

Raja and Zalfa are both aging as the story begins, and the author presents each through the framework of their lost youth. Raja is contemplative, here musing on the fact that he isn’t exactly attracted to their young neighbor so much as he is nostalgic for a time in his life in which unbridled desire was possible. Raja often takes a figurative step back from his everyday encounters in order to think more critically about what they mean to him and what they say about this particular stage of his life.

“I lost everything, everything. The politicians and bankers stole all of our money. Everyone’s savings—poof. The whole country. There was nothing I could do about it. My dreams did not fade; they imploded. And even though having a job meant I was luckier than almost everyone else in this bloodthirsty bitch of a country, I would never be able to retire. I was a serf.”

Much of this novel unfolds against the backdrop of Lebanon’s fraught politics, examining The Impact of History on Individuals and Communities. Although grounded in the micro-world of the family, the narrative also explores the impact of history on the individual and paints a portrait of the myriad ways that Raja and his mother’s lives are shaped by forces beyond their control. Raja’s reflections on losing his savings and the fact that he will “never be able to retire” speak to how government corruption has real and drastic consequences for the average citizen.

“He was always a failure. He was always a liar. He was always a pig.”

Family relationships are important in this novel, and Raja describes his various family members with unflinching honesty and the biting humor that characterizes all of his narration. Here, he levels criticism at his brother during a passage in which he also notes his brother’s antipathy toward him. Raja’s negative attitude toward his brother will never change because his brother never demonstrates growth and maturity the way other family members do.

“While I grieved for a lost future, my mother sought retribution and redress.”

Raja and his mother have fundamentally different personalities. Here, her response to the banking crisis is incredulity and anger. She vows to get her vengeance and becomes filled with a fiery rage. Raja, the more contemplative and even-tempered of the two, although initially flabbergasted, ultimately accepts his fate quietly. Much of the novel examines the way that these two markedly different individuals accept each other and live together harmoniously in spite of their divergent attitudes toward life.

“This grandmother wants the regime to fall.”

Zalfa enthusiastically joins Lebanon’s anti-government protests during the 2019 banking crisis, and this is the text from the sign she makes. Zalfa’s participation in the demonstrations speaks to her characterization: She is fearless, assertive, and willing to speak her mind. Her commitment to the protests also speaks to The Impact of History on Individuals and Communities, with her anger reflecting the anger of many Lebanese citizens toward government corruption.

“I’d sold a total of thirteen copies of four films, to other homosexuals of course, and one thought he would do me a favor by digitizing the Super 8 onto a DVD, I could have killed him. I should have, but he died not long after, saving me the trouble. Only one of the four became popular, Seven Geishas, where I recreated Kurosawa’s Seven Samurai.”

Drag is an important part of Raja’s adult life. Although he enjoys teaching and considers himself an intellectual, drag provides a creative outlet in addition to affirming Raja’s queerness. Raja’s self-deprecating humor about his limited success in this passage speaks to Navigating Queer Identity Against Familial and Societal Judgment, as Raja is aware that there is a limited audience for his films simply because so many Lebanese citizens who are gay do not feel able to openly embrace their identity.

“My mother had instructed me to make friends because I was going to spend a year with these students. We wore the same uniform, but the rest of my classmates were put together better. They were like realized jigsaw puzzles, whereas my pieces didn’t fit. The ironed uniforms, the combed hair, the standing straight, I had none of that.”

Raja feels like an outsider for his entire life, as this passage from his first day of school illustrates. He lacks his peers’ poise and ease and often finds that he prefers his own company to that of others. His sense of his “pieces” not “fitting” as others think they should reflects his ongoing challenge of Navigating Queer Identity Against Familial and Societal Judgment.

“I knew even then that I should not be seen playing with a doll, so I hid it in the back of my closet underneath a hand-me-down red firetruck that I never played with. I hoped to be able to bring Barbie out when I was sure no one, particularly not my brother, would walk in on me.”

Raja spends much of his youth coming to terms with his queer identity. Here, he tries desperately to hide a Barbie doll from his parents so that he can play with it in secret, invoking Navigating Queer Identity Against Familial and Societal Judgment. Raja’s remark that he “knew even then” which toys were and were not considered suitable for him reflects how entrenched traditional gender roles are in Lebanese society.

“I wondered what it would be like to be from a culture that wasn’t chaotic, where things were orderly and served a purpose. I grew up in a city where everything was unmoored.”

Raja feels out of place at school and with his family, but is also at odds with his culture. His reflections on the “chaotic” culture of Lebanon speak to The Impact of History on Individuals and Communities, as much of Raja’s life will be filled with moments of upheaval and becoming “unmoored” due to wider social and political instability.

“I wonder if he saw what I saw. Out of the gyrating spots, out of the other car, four masked men emerged, three carrying Kalashnikovs, and one a mere gun.”

During this scene, Raja is out on a drive smoking hash with two of his classmates. There is an accident, and Raja realizes that the men in the other car are all armed and that the accident was not a coincidence. In an earlier paragraph, the author notes that the civil war has just started, but that Raja hasn’t really registered it yet. Moments like these illustrate The Impact of History on Individuals and Communities.

“Our army is shit. We need a new one. We’re patriotic fighters. Our mission is to restore integrity and pride and peace to our country.”

Boodie speaks these lines. Boodie is young and one of Raja’s classmates, but he is also a fighter in Lebanon’s civil war. Boodie’s character shows how many young, ordinary men were caught up in the violence when they became fighters with one militia or another, reflecting The Impact of History on Individuals and Communities.

“Most of the time back home I would wish for everyone to get out of our apartment so I wouldn’t have to talk or listen to my parents or brother go on and on about the most trivial thing ever. But now I realized I needed some people in my life.”

During his captivity, Raja re-examines his introversion and The Complexity of Familial Relationships. Raja recalls the family apartment as usually filled with people and “trivial” talk, which Raja, as an introvert, has always resented. Here, however, he “realize[s] [he] needed some people in [his] life,” which foreshadows how he will become gradually more attached to his family and community as an older adult.

“My cue that it was time for the lesson would be him standing rigid in the living room, holding his right arm out. This, his ability to hold his arm out horizontally, was the only advantage he had as a dancer over a ken doll.”

Raja’s narration is characterized by humorous observations and biting wit. Here, while being held captive, he describes teaching Boodie to dance. This moment of dark humor is representative of Raja’s narrative style: He makes light of difficult, troubling, and even dangerous situations as both a coping mechanism and a way to inject levity into an otherwise fraught story.

“‘Your mother will be here in five minutes or less,’ she said. My tears began to dry as hers fell. ‘She said you’ll understand. She asked me to tell you she’d break the world for you.’”

Raja and his mother have a complex relationship that is not without tension, but Zalfa remains a steadfastly loving mother. Here, after Raja’s kidnapping, Zalfa rushes to pick him up and communicates just how much she loves him, vowing she would “break the world” for her son. Moments like this illustrate that there is love rather than antipathy at the core of their relationship, reflecting The Complexity of Familial Relationships.

“At the port of Beirut, 2750 tons of ammonium nitrate that had been stored in a warehouse finally kaboomed, causing hundreds of deaths, thousands of horrific injuries, hundreds of thousands displaced, billions in property damage, and scars that would never heal.”

The novel uses several important Lebanese historical events as milestones in Raja’s own life story, invoking The Impact of History on Individuals and Communities. Here, Raja describes the port blast that is both a historical event and an important symbol of government corruption in the novel. His remark on “scars that would never heal” speaks to how long-term mismanagement has impacted the citizenry not just financially, but also emotionally.

“Of course, there would be no investigation and no consequence for the ineptitude and malice of anyone in charge. Just as with the banking collapse, the assassination of presidents and prime ministers, the gangsters would not allow any inquiries into these matters. Follow the stench of shit and you run into a member of parliament.”

Raja continues to invoke The Impact of History on Individuals and Communities in this passage by describing Lebanese corruption and governmental ineptitude in their response to the port blast. Raja’s angry comment on the “stench of shit” leading to “a member of parliament” reveals his cynicism and despair over how Lebanon’s elected officials do not serve the true public good.

“My heart split like a melon. And I began to tear up, slowly and gently at first, and then I wept. I couldn’t reopen my eyes. I no longer wanted to see what was around me, and I felt embarrassed. I didn’t wish to know who was seeing me crying, and I couldn’t stop. The humiliation of weeping in public was bad enough, but more, much more, I was overwhelmed with the ignominy of living Lebanese.”

Raja lives his life in the shadow of Lebanon’s fraught history. His identity, his family relationships, and his very life trajectory are shaped by a series of socio-historical events over which Raja has no control. Here, after witnessing the port explosion site, Raja becomes emotional when he contemplates the devastation that Lebanon’s corruption has wrought not only on the city of Beirut but also on its people. This sense that being Lebanese is somehow shameful haunts Raja for the entirety of his life, but it is never so acute as during the days following the blast.

“I was certainly surprised that we got used to living together in the same apartment rather quickly, mostly that I did. None of us were young anymore. We should have had more trouble adapting to each other’s irritating habits, to having less space.”

Here, Raja reacts with surprise to the ease with which he, Zalfa, Nahed, and Yasmine get along when forced by the port explosion to cohabit. Moments like this reflect The Complexity of Familial Relationships. Although Yasmin is openly homophobic and Raja has always disliked Nahed, the four manage to get along. The push-pull between acrimony and the ability to appreciate one another characterizes almost all of Raja’s family relationships.

“Nahed couldn’t stand the interviews yet kept reading them. She was offended by the fact that Vicky Rutledge used the word process extensively, in almost every sentence both as a noun and a verb. Nahed wanted to make sure I didn’t talk much to this Vicky: If I had to have dinner with her, I should speak very little and avoid divulging anything about myself. Be wary at dinners was Nahed’s advice.”

This passage underscores the complexity of Nahed’s personality and additionally speaks to Raja’s family dynamics as a whole. Nahed can be harshly judgmental and intractable, but she takes an instant dislike to the head of the American Excellence Foundation, and her suspicions here foreshadow the bad experience Raja will have when he runs into Boodie and Vicky in the US. Her bad attitude toward Vicky also reflects her desire to protect Raja: Nahed is both harsh on other people and motivated by her love for family.

“Madame Taweel took over once more. ‘You must hang up now,’ she said in a tone that brooked no argument. ‘You’re going to be getting a call from someone who’ll take care of everything. You can trust him completely. He will make sure you’re back here in no time.’”

Here, Madame Taweel arranges for Raja to leave his residency once he realizes that Boodie is the director of the foundation’s board. Like everyone in Raja’s life, Madame Taweel is complex and multifaceted. Although Raja has long mistrusted her because of her involvement with organized crime, she is fiercely devoted to Zalfa and, by extension, to Raja. Zalfa, Madame Taweel, Nahed, and others all reflect this kind of duality: They are, at times, bad actors, and yet they are also capable of doing everything in their power to come to their loved ones’ aid.

“‘Please,’ Boodie said. ‘Please don’t go.’ ‘Get out of my way,’ I responded.”

Here, Boodie resurfaces in Raja’s life and reveals that Raja’s offer from the American Excellence Foundation was the result of his involvement with the foundation’s founders. Raja is stunned to realize that Boodie does not realize the extent of the emotional damage he did to Raja. That Boodie still does not realize that after so many decades speaks to his character: He is still self-focused and incapable of reflecting on the way that his abusive actions impact others. Raja’s firm and confident response demonstrates his confidence and maturity as an older man.

“My mother died on August 13th, 2023. She simply didn’t wake up. She was a healthy eighty-five, and her cardiologist had given her a clean bill of health a week early. Yet her heart stopped during the night. She’d received her wish of dying in her own bed and not in a hospital.”

Raja’s mother’s death is one of the novel’s most important moments. In spite of their different personalities and difficult family history, Raja and his mother grow close during their years of cohabitation. Zalfa’s death shakes Raja to his core and plunges him into grief, but her old age and peaceful death “in her own bed and not in a hospital” reinforce how she has lived life on her own terms in the years after her marriage.

“I insisted we hold the formal obsequies in our apartment, not a rented hall. This was where she lived, this was her home. This was where she was happy.”

Raja honors his mother by deciding to host mourners in “her home” rather than in a rented space. In this way, he acknowledges how much he and his mother came to love living together and demonstrates that he considers his apartment just as much Zalfa’s home as it is his, reflecting The Complexity of Familial Relationships.