The Unraveling of Julia

At the beginning of the novel, Julia is transformed by grief over the murder of her husband Mike. His death echoes the loss of her adopted mother when she was 10. Julia regains her identity by searching for her birth mother and falling in love with someone new, and her experiences help her to navigate the challenges of identity destabilized by grief.

After Mike’s death, Julia fears going outside and experiences survivor’s guilt. She even struggles to get out of bed sometimes, as “getting up meant starting another day without him in a life that was Before and After. She lived an Afterlife” (4). Scottoline repeatedly mentions how Julia feels like she is among the dead and not a part of the living world. Julia notes that the “mourned was in the photo, but not the mourner. The mourner was left behind, like her” (63). She feels alone and self-isolates. Additionally, Julia has nightmares and flashbacks. Gianluca, Julia’s new love interest, says to her that Mike’s murder, “breaks your heart and your soul, too. And your sense of self. So of course, you’re not yourself right now” (136). Julia’s identity has been dislodged because her heart and spirit have been broken.

When she begins searching for her birth mother, she becomes the target of a conspiracy. Before she improves, Julia’s fears expand: “[S]he wasn’t worried only about external threats anymore. She worried about what was going on inside the house, even in her own head” (156). Inside used to be a place of sanctuary, but being in the villa and in her mind becomes a struggle, largely because she has been drugged and her psychic powers are awakening. Eventually, the search gives Julia a new purpose and identity. When she gets tested for drugs, “even though she was in a crowd, she didn’t feel as anxious as usual. Her heart beat a little faster, but she wasn’t afraid. Her mouth was a little drier, but she didn’t want to leave” (238). This is a huge step toward reestablishing her identity.

Her best friend Courtney notices these changes, and says to Julia, “I give you credit. You’re going out, calling cops, driving a Ferrari. You’re more like you used to be. Like yourself” (253). Julia’s new experiences are helping her find not only her old self, but also helping her grow as a person. However, progress isn’t linear. After learning she is a medium, Julia struggles in crowds again. She worries that “maybe she hadn’t improved as much as she thought” (277). She also wonders if she is struggling because she is near Caterina’s enemy’s grave and might be channeling Caterina’s feelings of wanting to get away from him.

Eventually, Julia learns to withstand and overcome her fears. She says, “‘I’m afraid, but I’m not stopping.’ Julia felt a new determination, deep inside” (311). Courtney replies, “That’s my girl! You’re back, baby!” (311). The woman that Courtney has known for many years has returned. Julia’s identity also expands. She moves from fear to anger: “Julia felt her teeth clench with anger, with resolve, with power” (336). She transforms her anger into power and takes down the man who killed Mike, as well as the other co-conspirators. This is even more than the old Julia achieved. Scottoline uses Julia’s character arc to illustrate that it’s not only possible to regain your identity after enduring grief, but it’s also possible to grow beyond who you were before experiencing trauma.