46 pages • 1-hour read
The War With Grandpa
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Themes
Conflict Within Families
The book’s title indicates its central theme—The War with Grandpa translates to conflict within families, but there are other family conflicts as well. Conflicts often occur within families, and Peter’s family has many of them. He has conflicts with Jennifer, and he has preexisting conflicts with his parents, who make him take piano lessons, yet the conflict over the room is especially significant to Peter because it encroaches on his beloved territory.
To a child, a bedroom may be the only space of their own, so its loss can feel overwhelming. When Peter is forced to move out of his bedroom so his grandpa can have it, he is devastated. He tries to talk with his parents, but they cannot conceive of another solution that will be as comfortable for Sally’s father. The absurdity of comparing lethal war to a conflict with a family member is funny, but it underscores the depth of childhood emotion. Peter’s parents underestimate his attachment to his room and do not engage him in the decision-making or problem-solving process. As a result, Peter goes to war with his grandpa even though his real issue should be with his parents. He copes with the loss of his bedroom by blaming his grandfather because his parents have been unyielding in their decision.
Grandpa, though, isn’t the real culprit in the war. He tells Peter, “[T]his situation is kind of out of my control [….] I didn’t want to come up here from Florida and take your room. No way I wanted to do that” (90). Grandpa has his own quieter conflict with his daughter, who has moved him from his home in Florida. This lack of communication results in the second conflict, which is between Peter and his parents, who gave his room to Grandpa without consulting him. In conflict and war, people can misconstrue or simplify the target. Often, the target isn’t the true enemy.
Conflict within families can result in hurt and pain and require communication to heal. As the “war” with Grandpa ensues, Grandpa says, “War is no game, Petey. Only kids and fools and generals think that” (104). As Peter and his grandfather clash over occupancy of Peter’s room, Grandpa urges Peter to think about the implications of war. However, even as their conflict escalates, the reader has no doubt that their relationship is based in love. This particular conflict indicates that family members can disagree and still love one another. After Peter takes Grandpa’s false teeth, he writes, “Grandpa turned his face toward me then. And there was such a sad look in his eyes, it almost made me want to cry” (172). Peter’s love for his grandfather (and his shame at hurting him) motivates him to end their war and open a healing conversation.
The Difficulty of Change
The central conflict is a result of change. Peter has lived in his room for his entire life—all 10 years. The arrival of Grandpa means he must change rooms, and the change upsets him. He vehemently protests it. During dessert, he tells his parents, “Absolutely, positively, one hundred percent no! Spelled N-O!” (31). After his words fail to stop the change, Peter leaves the table and cries “like a maniac” (32). Change is emotional. Peter has a bond with his room—he knows where everything is and can identify the sounds. It’s familiar to him: In the middle of the night, he can get up and walk around without bumping into anything. Change is scary—it puts Peter in an unfamiliar space, with sounds and things he doesn’t recognize. In his new room, Peter tells the reader, “You can laugh all you want. I was scared silly” (55).
Grandpa, too, faces the difficulty of change. He didn’t want to stop working, he didn’t want his wife to die, and he didn’t want to leave Florida and take Peter’s room. Part of the difficulty of change is a loss of control. Grandpa tells Peter, “[T]his situation is kind of out of my control” (90). This change has made Grandpa Jack feel powerless and likely contributes to his depression.
Poor Communication Versus Effective Communication
The characters in the book communicate, but what they say isn’t always helpful. During dessert, the parents discuss their choice to give Peter’s room to Grandpa, but the dialogue is one-sided. The parents decide on a course of action and then impose it. They communicate their plans, but the communication doesn’t help the situation—it exacerbates it to the point where Peter leaves the table to run up to his room and cry. The communication increases Peter’s disquiet.
Poor communication can happen when people don’t listen to one another. Arthur doesn’t respond to Peter in a way that makes him feel heard or validated, and his responses are generic parent-speak: Arthur tells his son, “Life isn’t always fair” (31). Later, he adds, “Sometimes you have to do things you don’t like” (43). Neither of these responses invites dialogue. Arthur sees himself and his wife as the decision-makers, and Peter must grow up and accept their choices. He allows Peter to vent somewhat—Peter can say, “[I]t stinks” (35)—but he closes further communication when he tells his son, “[Y]ou mustn’t ever let Grandpa Jack know that. Or else he’ll feel terrible. And believe me, he feels terrible already” (43).
Grandpa and Peter communicate, but they cannot solve a problem that neither of them controls. Their notes are silly, but they can’t resolve the situation. When Grandpa tries to teach Peter about the horrors of real war, his communication falls flat—it doesn’t address the root of the problem either. In an example of dramatic irony (a twist that is serious, not funny), the communication that ends the war transcends words. Peter sees how stealing Grandpa’s false teeth embarrasses him; the look on his grandfather’s face ends the conflict and jumpstarts effective communication.
Effective communication is thoughtful and specific. Together, Grandpa and Peter analyze what went wrong. Grandpa says, “Your parents took your room away and shut you up, Pete. That was mistake number one” (174). They then brainstorm a solution—creating an apartment in the basement. Grandpa doesn’t impose the change on Peter’s parents, but he talks it out with them. Effective communication is all-inclusive dialogue. As Grandpa states, “From now on this family will talk everything out in the open” (181). Helpful communication isn’t hiding choices or keeping secrets—it requires transparency and making decisions together.
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