Siegel and Bryson dispel some myths about memory, primarily the common assumption that memories are recalled like a file pulled up or a photocopy we can review at will. Instead, memory is far more questionable, revealing more about perspective than about the truth of the past. Essentially, experiences imprint on the brain, creating implicit or explicit memories. 

Implicit memory is remembering without being aware, while explicit memory is consciously remembering. Implicit memories are generally helpful, as they allow people to do things automatically in moments of stress or crisis, or simply save brain power to focus on other things. However, implicit memories can also be the root of fears and anxieties. An example is Bryson’s son’s sudden fear of swimming lessons resulting from a past bad experience. Bryson and her husband recognized the connection, but her son only knew he was anxious and didn’t want to go to swimming lessons. Bryson walked him through the memory of previous swimming lessons and showed him how to work with those explicit memories to overcome the fear caused by the implicit memories.

The function of the hippocampus is to make sense of all the implicit memories in the mind. It performs this task largely by connecting implicit memories to explicit memories. Parents can help their children, as in the above example, to work through experiences to practice connecting explicit and implicit memories for a more integrated experience of memory.

The authors offer two main approaches to integrating memories. One is to encourage and guide children through remembering a potentially traumatic experience. This can be accomplished with simple storytelling, but frequently the memories are too disturbing to simply return to repeatedly. Instead, a parent can offer the child the option of an imaginary remote control—i.e., tell the story up to a difficult point, then pause, and fast forward to a part of the memory that’s easier to look at. The other strategy is to practice integrating implicit memories with explicit memories on a regular basis. This can look like storytelling about the day’s events, or a series of questions designed to help children identify events and connect them with the feeling associated with the event.

The chapter closes with a memory of Siegel’s from his pediatric rotation in medical school. The experience of helping sick children, who often had to be restrained to receive medication or testing, created a traumatic response for Siegel, which emerged when his son was an infant. The crying baby was not simply hard to listen to—instead, Siegel experienced panic in response to all of his son’s cries. He worked to integrate the implicit memory with the explicit memory, working through his emotional responses to his residency with friends, family, and colleagues. This anecdote reminds parents to regularly check their own implicit memories, especially regarding their children. Doing so helps parents model healthy memory practices and creates a safer, more stable home environment.