Things Have Gotten Worse Since We Last Spoke

The novella is presented as a compilation of real correspondence, framed by an Author's Note from an unnamed author who explains that the text gathers emails, instant messages, and forum posts exchanged between Agnes Petrella and Zoe Cross in the months before Agnes's death at age twenty-four. The author notes that Zoe's legal case remains open and that portions of the correspondence have been redacted at the request of the Henley's Edge Police Department.

The correspondence begins when Agnes posts on QueerList.org, an online community board for LGBTQ+ members, offering a family heirloom: an antique apple peeler dating to approximately 1897, passed down through four generations since her great-grandmother immigrated from Naples. Zoe responds, explaining she wants to buy the peeler as a gift for her ninety-two-year-old grandfather, and offers the full asking price of $250. Agnes agrees but reveals the peeler is one of the few things her mother ever gave her. When Agnes came out as gay to her parents over the phone, her mother responded, "My child isn't gay" (22), and hung up. They have not spoken in two years. Agnes admits she is selling the peeler because a pay cut has left her unable to make rent.

Rather than simply buying the peeler, Zoe asks for Agnes's bank routing information and wires one thousand dollars into her account. In successive emails, Agnes reveals she had been contemplating suicide before Zoe's intervention, calling Zoe her "guardian angel." Zoe frames her generosity as a responsibility to her queer community and asks Agnes to promise she will keep the peeler in memory of her grandmother rather than sell it.

Their exchanges quickly grow intimate. Zoe reveals she ended a relationship that evening and shares a saying from her father: "What have you done today to deserve your eyes?" (37). She explains that people take gifts like eyesight for granted and tells Agnes she will hold her accountable to this question daily. Zoe issues Agnes her first task: buy the brightest red dress she can find along with blood-red lipstick, wear both to work, and send a photo. Agnes complies, and her supervisor sends her home for the day. Agnes describes feeling transformed and powerful.

Their conversations turn sexual, with Zoe describing fantasies rooted in BDSM, or consensual dominance-and-submission roleplay. But what Zoe truly wants is total ownership of another person: someone who surrenders all freedom, including access to email and bank accounts, in exchange for being completely cared for. Agnes agrees to submit. Zoe drafts a formal "Sponsor/Drudge" contract requiring Agnes to devote herself entirely to Zoe's desires, hand over her bank account information, sleep nude with the air conditioning at full blast, eat only at designated times, and accept punishment for infractions. The contract is effective unless terminated by Zoe. Agnes replies: "Accepted, understood, and agreed to" (54).

Zoe's tasks escalate. She orders Agnes to leave underwear in a conspicuous spot in the communal bathroom at work. The garment is discovered, and Agnes is permanently fired. She describes feeling only exhilaration, expressing faith that Zoe will care for her. Zoe establishes a monthly allowance of $1,500. When Agnes says she most wants to meet Zoe in person, Zoe deflects. Agnes then reveals her deepest desire: she wants a baby, wants to carry life inside her, and wants to be a mother.

On June 10, Zoe orders Agnes to find a salamander at a park, carry it in her pocket all day, and crush it with a rock at twilight. Agnes begs for a different task, but Zoe replies that a Drudge does not question her Sponsor. Agnes obeys, naming the salamander Albert and crushing him at dusk. In her email to Zoe, she expresses horror and questions why she agreed to let Zoe control her. She declares the relationship over and vows to void the contract, return the money, and close her accounts. Zoe responds with conciliation, accepting Agnes's decision.

Nearly seven weeks of silence follow before Agnes reaches out again, apologizing and asking to resume the contract. Zoe accepts, insisting on full obedience and honesty. In their reunion conversation, Agnes reveals a childhood trauma: Her aunt used to lock her in a broom closet holding a raw egg, and if the egg cracked, Agnes was forced to eat it, shell included. Agnes reflects that she returned to Zoe because "someone else would do far worse things to me" (80). Zoe shares a vivid dream in which she found Agnes burned and dying, pulled the plug on Agnes's life support, then found herself in Agnes's place with no one to save her. Zoe says the dream showed her she never wants to hurt Agnes, and they exchange "I love you" for the first time.

Agnes tells Zoe she wants them to have a baby. Zoe says she cannot accept that responsibility but proposes an alternative: Since Agnes wants to carry life, she should deliberately infect herself with a parasite. Zoe frames a baby as essentially a parasite, a creature living off a host, and suggests Agnes contract a tapeworm. Zoe claims she contracted one herself during a college trip to Cambodia and describes the feeling as godlike. Agnes agrees. Zoe instructs her to buy uncooked beef, leave it outside for two days until insects lay eggs in it, then eat the spoiled meat raw. Agnes follows through, forcing herself to consume the maggot-infested beef. Her roommate later takes her to the hospital because she cannot stop vomiting, but tests reveal nothing definitive and Agnes despairs.

On August 12, Agnes writes with renewed excitement: She has woken with intense abdominal pain and believes she is carrying life. Her doctor confirms she is hosting a tapeworm. Agnes is euphoric, calling it their child and suggesting the name Finneas. The doctor prescribes medication, but Agnes refuses, insisting they want to kill her child. Zoe warns that Agnes's body will eventually pass the tapeworm, but Agnes will not accept this.

The next day, Zoe confesses that some of her tasks were rooted in selfishness, that she was testing how far Agnes would go before breaking. She admits she does not love Agnes as much as Agnes loves her and wants to end things. Agnes responds with fury, accusing Zoe of abandoning her and their child. Zoe declares the contract void, calls Agnes sick, and says she will not respond further. Minutes later, Zoe writes: "I think I did once love you. I think I could have loved you. But not like this. Never like this" (108).

Agnes continues emailing despite receiving no response, insisting Zoe will never leave and reporting worsening abdominal pain. On August 21, she reports passing the tapeworm, describing it as a damp, crumpled heap on the bathroom floor and comparing it to ribbons her mother once sewed into her hair. She holds it, pretending it makes cooing noises like a baby, and claims it has Zoe's eyes and smile. In her final email, Agnes describes taking the apple peeler from the kitchen and crawling into the bathroom closet, recalling the enclosed space where her aunt once locked her. She cradles the expelled tapeworm, writes that the peeler trembles in her hand, closes her eyes, and wonders if she truly deserves them today. The correspondence ends, implying Agnes's death, consistent with the Author's Note and the ongoing investigation into Zoe's role.