To Night Owl From Dogfish

The novel explores the question of what makes a “family,” as well as the range of forms that a family can take. Bett Devlin and Avery Bloom come from “nontraditional” families insofar as they both have single parents who are gay. Single fathers are somewhat unusual in the eyes of society, as childrearing has traditionally been associated with mothers; Sam Bloom’s and Marlow Devlin’s orientation further confuses people, to the point that Avery wants a bumper sticker that reads “YOU DON’T HAVE TO BE MARRIED TO BE A GAY DAD” because she is so tired of people’s assumptions about her family.

The novel thus establishes that a broad spectrum of situations can exist even within one “type” of family structures, such as those with LGBTQ+ parents. The contrast between Avery and Bett’s biological mothers expands on this diversity. Whereas Bett’s mother was a paid surrogate she never met, Avery was conceived when Sam had one “crazy night” with Kristina Allenberry, his best friend in college. Although Avery’s parents were important to each other, they were never a couple, never married, and never really co-parented—at least until Avery’s relationship with Kristina changes.

Furthermore, there is a wide range of family structures even among people who are not part of the LGBTQ+ community. Bett notes that her friend Angel’s parents are divorced and now have the stereotypical awkward relationship, but another friend’s divorced parents take the children on vacation to Hawaii together, everyone living in the same condo. This suggests that there are types of families that do not depend on romantic relationships between adults, as Bett and Avery learn firsthand when their fathers break up but they themselves remain friends. Similarly, at both camps the girls attend, the staff and campers refer to the community as a “family,” implying that shared experiences and values can serve as the basis for family connection as much as romantic feeling or biological relationship. Gaga also finds a new “family” in the theater group and chooses to be Avery’s family, just like Kristina chooses to be part of Bett’s family. The concept of chosen family, or found family, has been especially important in the LGBTQ+ community, where sometimes families of origin do not accept their LGBTQ+ members. However, in the novel, the concept is important to all characters. At times, characters fill a role that may have been “missing” from another’s life, such as when Gaga acts as a grandmother to Avery.

This idea of found family also demonstrates that the definition of family is not only diverse but fluid, as a single family may change over time. This is in some ways a hard truth for Bett and Avery to grasp. Because of who their fathers are, they are used to differences existing between families, but many of the forces that change the internal shape of a family—things like custody battles, marriages, and divorces—are outside of children’s control. This is part of the reason why they must learn to widen their sense of family beyond legal definitions. Eventually, they realize that family status is not dependent on biology, marriage, romance, or even shared interests. The girls reason that parents who are interested in parenting usually do the best job. Similarly, those who are interested in being sisters probably do the best job, regardless of external circumstances.

The novel thus retains an element of choice in familial relationships while acknowledging the outside factors that also shape families. This balance is best illustrated in the novel’s treatment of choice within biological relationships. For example, Kristina had a baby, but then her career dictated she move to another country for a while, which changed her relationship to “motherhood.” Still later, this changed again when she came back into Avery’s life and regained partial custody. Ultimately, the choices characters make contribute to the diversity of family structures portrayed in the novel.