Tough Guy

In Chapters 13-17, the narrative leans into tropes of the romance genre to further the novel’s theme of the Impact of Adolescent Longing on Adult Relationships. Ryan and Fabian’s dynamic satisfies the friends-to-lovers, opposites-attract, and second-chance romance tropes. The two met when they were teenagers and were still developing their identities. Although Ryan “felt at ease” with Fabian when they first met (188), he was too self-conscious to admit or act on his feelings. In the narrative present, however, Ryan’s historical comfort with Fabian resurfaces and helps him understand how significant their connection has always been: “Fabian had seen Ryan, even back then. Not just another jock, not a threat, but a person worth sharing small parts of himself with” (188). Neither Ryan nor Fabian is solely preoccupied with their teenage past, but their platonic history informs their marked connection as adults. The two are able to look back over their past lives and reflect on all their interpersonal and romantic entanglements—noting that their relationship with each other has always been unprecedented. Meeting and spending time in Toronto offers them a second chance to develop their friendship into a more intimate, passionate romance.

At the same time, Ryan’s and Fabian’s lifestyle, vocational, and personality differences continue to complicate their relationship in the present. Here, the opposites-attract trope creates narrative tension. At the start of this section, Ryan is still convinced that Fabian would have no reason to be with him, and Fabian is angry with himself for giving someone like Ryan a chance. To Fabian, “[n]one of it ma[kes] sense. Not Fabian basically throwing himself at a hockey player. Not Ryan being so obviously—openly—attracted to him, and kissing him every bit as sweetly and tenderly as Fabian had always imagined, and then…not” (135). Despite Fabian’s aversion to hockey, he gives Ryan a chance and welcomes him into his home, bed, and heart. For Fabian, this shows marked bravery in light of his parents’ antigay bias; since he was a boy, they have thrust countless iterations of their “perfect son” at Fabian—all of them star hockey players who perform their masculinity according to patriarchal standards. In rekindling his connection with Ryan, Fabian is trying to let go of the past and his own stereotypes. Meanwhile, Ryan is afraid of letting go of his own “tough guy” persona to be with Fabian. Instead of changing, he tells himself that “Fabian deserve[s] so much better than him” and pulls away (140). Both characters are in danger of letting their differences get in the way of their heartfelt connection. Their opposing character traits feel like threats to authentic intimacy. By the end of the excerpt, however, Ryan and Fabian begin to brave this unfamiliar relational territory together. They may be nothing alike, but they are willing to see if a relationship might work anyway.

Ryan and Fabian’s shared past helps them overcome their differences and teaches them more about Vulnerability as the Key to Authentic Masculine Identity. While Fabian is less inhibited than Ryan, he is still careful about how he engages with Ryan at the start of their relationship. Their first sexual encounter is particularly crucial to how the lovers develop care, trust, and respect. Neither Ryan nor Fabian attempts to dominate or overpower the other. Instead, they engage in open, adult communication about their sexual histories, preferences, and fantasies. Their conversational openness makes room for physical and emotional openness. In turn, Ryan and Fabian emerge from their intimate exchange feeling satisfied, happy, and empowered. Being intimate means being vulnerable, and being vulnerable means feeling more confident in themselves and their relationship.