Tough Guy

Ryan and Colleen catch up on the phone. Colleen teases Ryan about his solitary life, urging him to start dating and buy furniture for his apartment. Ryan argues that he doesn’t want to get too settled in Toronto in case he is traded again. However, he ends up ordering IKEA furniture after they end the call.

At Bargain Brunch, Fabian’s friends tease him about Ryan, insisting that Ryan is in love with him. Fabian isn’t sure but admits that he has always liked Ryan. He tells them a story about the time Ryan attended his concert at the conservatory when none of his family would; they went to a hockey game instead. The friends exclaim at the story, still shocked that Ryan plays for the NHL. The conversation turns to Tarek’s upcoming birthday party. The friends decide to celebrate by going dancing together and urge Fabian to invite Ryan.

Ryan and Wyatt chat after practice. Ryan admits that he’s going to build IKEA furniture on his day off, and Wyatt invites himself over to help. The next day, Ryan feels awkward hosting Wyatt but reminds himself that he needs to make friends per his therapist’s urging. The two drink coffee and work on the furniture while chatting. Wyatt tells Ryan about his sister, who is also gay. He informs Ryan that he is an LGBTQ+ ally and has his support. Ryan relaxes. Sometimes he still imagines himself quitting hockey and returning to Nova Scotia but is glad for Wyatt’s friendship.

Before his next away game, Ryan buys and downloads all of Fabian’s music online. He listens to it on the flights there and back. When he returns to Toronto, he stops at a coffee shop in the Village, where he runs into Fabian, who invites Ryan to join him. Fabian tells him about the new song he’s writing. Meanwhile, Ryan studies Fabian’s face, still alarmed by his beauty. He finds himself accepting Fabian’s offer to go out for food.

At a nearby ramen shop, Ryan and Fabian continue their conversation. Fabian is shocked to learn more about Ryan’s enforcer position with the Guardians and surprised to learn about Ryan’s fear of flying. Eventually, the conversation turns to sex. Ryan admits that while he enjoys sex, he doesn’t usually have casual sex and isn’t into traditionally masculine guys. After dinner, the two continue their conversation while walking, now discussing their respective families. While Ryan’s family was surprised but supportive when he came out, Fabian’s parents still do not approve of his sexuality. Fabian insists that all the hockey players they hosted were emblematic of the son they wished they had. The conversation turns more intimate when Ryan reveals how much he liked staying at Fabian’s house. Before they part ways, Fabian invites Ryan to another one of his shows and kisses him on the cheek.

Ryan gets to play a different position at his next game because a teammate is out with an injury. Ryan is proud of himself because he scores a goal. Back at the hotel that evening, Ryan is surprised to find a text from Fabian exclaiming at his goal; Fabian doesn’t normally watch hockey. They share a flirtatious exchange before planning to see each other again on Monday.

After his online therapy session the next day, Ryan reflects on his feelings for Fabian. He wishes that he could open up about this with his therapist but still feels like it’s “too embarrassing to get into, even with a professional” (105).

That afternoon, Ryan and Wyatt walk around Columbus for their day off. Wyatt informs Ryan that Kent is having a birthday party on Friday. Ryan isn’t sure he wants to go, remembering Fabian’s invitation to go dancing. Wyatt also invites Ryan to volunteer at the Toronto community center with him sometime. He plays hockey with the kids there. Ryan agrees to consider.

On Monday, Ryan attends Fabian’s next show at a small venue. He meets up with Fabian’s friends, meeting Marcus for the first time. Fabian gets embarrassed when they tease Ryan about being with him and when Vanessa starts talking openly about sex. Vanessa works at a sex-toy shop and is open with everyone, but Fabian fears that she’s making Ryan uncomfortable. A bashful Ryan insists that he’s fine and asks Vanessa further questions about her job.

During Fabian’s performance, Ryan gets lost in thought. He wonders if Fabian wants more but also doubts that Fabian would want to date him seriously. Fabian is so bubbly, while Ryan feels like “a dark cloud” (118). Embarrassed and frustrated, he tells the group he’s going home. Vanessa suggests that he accompany Fabian so that he won’t have to walk alone.

Ryan and Fabian walk home. They talk about hockey and music, and Fabian apologizes for his friends’ teasing. Ryan assures Fabian that he wasn’t offended. Then, he hears himself ask Fabian if he’s seeing anyone. Fabian opens up about his love life, admitting that he attracts guys who aren’t good for him. Ryan admits that he hasn’t seen anyone in a while and always feels uncomfortable approaching other guys—particularly in the hockey world. He then describes his perfect guy, almost exactly describing Fabian. The conversation turns to masculinity and sexuality. Fabian again muses on his parents’ disappointment with him.

Back at Fabian’s apartment, Ryan and Fabian drink wine and sit on the bed, chatting more about family, work, and expectations. Fabian insists that Ryan shouldn’t be doing something that doesn’t make him happy. He admits that he got a spot in the Toronto Symphony years ago but dropped out two months in to make music of his own. He insists that just because he and Ryan are good at what they do, it doesn’t mean they have to take it so seriously.

Ryan and Fabian share a gentle kiss. It grows in intensity until Ryan pulls away, insisting that Fabian can’t want to be with him. Fabian insists otherwise, revealing that he wanted to kiss Ryan when they were teenagers. Ryan is flattered but argues that he is a mess and that Fabian can do better. He puts on his coat and prepares to leave. He feels bad when he notices tears in Fabian’s eyes, but he heads out anyway. Outside, he tells himself that he’s made the right decision and should never have let it go this far.