48 pages • 1-hour read
Tough Guy
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Themes
Content Warning: This section of the guide includes discussion of antigay bias.
Vulnerability as the Key to Authentic Masculine Identity
Ryan and Fabian’s interwoven storylines and consequent romance explore how LGBTQ+ identities can challenge gender stereotypes. Although both characters identify and are out as gay, Ryan and Fabian express their sexuality differently. Ryan embodies more of a conventional iteration of masculinity, while Fabian discards expectations of “manhood” and strength to be who he wants to be. Ryan particularly struggles with behaving and presenting himself according to his instincts because he is embedded in the world of professional hockey. Although other NHL players are out, Ryan does not “want to have to explain his choices” and so hides behind his tough, steely exterior as the Guardians enforcer (18). In his personal life, Ryan maintains this facade because he feels “shy around beautiful men” and can’t “imagine they would want to look at him, let alone touch him” (18). He has trouble being vulnerable because he knows this is not how men are taught to act or behave; vulnerability is a sign of weakness, which Ryan fears.
By way of contrast, Fabian has a more fluid expression of his sexuality and manhood. He embodies the type of guy Ryan wants to be with; he is someone who challenges stereotypes and embraces his identity without fear: “Men who go against everything we’re taught to believe about masculinity in locker rooms. Men who aren’t afraid to be themselves […] Men who aren’t afraid to walk away from their dream job if it’s making them miserable” (131). Ryan is attracted to Fabian because he admires and respects his unabashed vulnerability. Fabian cries easily, talks openly, and dresses boldly. He does not try to hide his emotional interior behind a gruff attitude or muscular physique. He is unapologetically himself.
With Fabian’s help, Ryan learns how to embrace vulnerability, let go of fear, and give in to his more tender, loving side. True strength and masculinity, Ryan discovers, mean being honest and caring. When he lies to Fabian about his injuries, painkillers, and relationship with hockey, Ryan is trying to hide his vulnerability. He later comes clean about these things and finds freedom and strength in doing so. Also, when they first start seeing each other, Ryan is self-conscious about his body and sexual experience and reluctant to be with Fabian because he thinks Fabian is too good for him. To hide his insecurities, he leans into his “tough guy” facade; the more time he spends with Fabian, however, the more willing he is to show Fabian his insecurities and seek his help working through them. Over the course of their relationship, Ryan gradually lets his guard down.
Toughness as a Professional Role That Corrodes the Self
Ryan’s enforcer position with the NHL distorts his true sense of self and forces him into a role that compromises him emotionally, physically, and psychologically. Ryan has been playing hockey for as long as he can remember and thus understands himself according to the sport. “Since his junior hockey days, Ryan ha[s] obligingly filled the role of enforcer on any team he [has] played for,” and although he has “never been enthusiastic about it” (11), he has accepted the role without question because he fears this is all he is good at. In reality, Ryan wants to play hockey and also connect with his teammates and opponents; he has a soft side that allows him to relate to and empathize with others. However, his enforcer position demands that he not only maintain his hyperbolic physical size but also carry himself with an angry expression, imposing form, and violent manner. Playing this part for the majority of his professional life has gradually turned Ryan into this person. The longer he has to embody the enforcer role on the ice, the steelier and more withdrawn he feels off the ice.
Ryan’s relationship with Fabian allows him to see himself in a new way and challenges him to let go of his tough facade to become the man he really wants to be. Ryan enjoys loving and caring for Fabian, but Fabian teaches him that being strong doesn’t have to mean being detached, angry, and unemotional. His internal monologue after Fabian watches his televised fight with Duncan reveals how his connection with Fabian is altering his outlook on his career:
Ryan actually didn’t like the idea of Fabian watching him play. And he especially didn’t like the idea of him watching him fight. Ryan wanted to take care of him, for them to take care of each other. Fabian would make him laugh and try new things, and Ryan would make him feel safe and loved. Because those were things that Ryan could do. Effortlessly (231).
Ryan dislikes the idea of Fabian seeing him fight because he wants Fabian to see his true self—not his donned, “macho” hockey self. He wants Fabian to see him as “safe and loving” because these feel like the truest parts of himself. His “toughness” on the ice has quashed his more docile, compassionate traits and has gradually distorted him into someone he doesn’t recognize. His ultimate decision to quit the NHL is his first step toward letting go of his compromising professional role and pursuing a version of himself he is proud of.
Impact of Adolescent Longing on Adult Relationships
The evolution of Ryan and Fabian’s second-chance romance conveys how adolescent connection can develop into lasting intimacy. When Ryan and Fabian were teenagers, they met by chance when “Fabian’s parents […] housed members of the Halifax Breakers junior hockey team” and Ryan happened to be one of them (23). Fabian was initially averse to engaging with Ryan because he saw him as just another one of “the obnoxious jocks who’d invaded his home every winter” (23). However, Ryan quickly proved himself different from the other hockey players, and he and Fabian developed a kinship. Ryan and Fabian were there for each other when they both felt isolated and alone. Ryan was living away from home for the first time, surrounded by peers he didn’t get along with and struggling to embrace his own LGBTQ+ identity. Meanwhile, Fabian was at odds with his family because of his more overt expression of his sexuality; while his parents were preoccupied with all of their surrogate hockey-player sons, Fabian was disregarded and left behind. Ryan and Fabian’s relationship offered them a sense of comfort and safety amid these difficult adolescent dynamics.
When they reunite years later, Ryan and Fabian immediately recall the strength of their original connection and begin to build upon this foundation as adults. Their chance reunion at the Toronto drugstore ignites their adolescent longing and ushers them on a protracted journey toward true love. Although both Ryan and Fabian have had a crush on each other for years, they are initially reluctant to admit the intensity of their teenage feelings. In the past, they were young, inexperienced, and awkward; in the present, they fear letting these more childish emotions interfere with their adult lives. At the same time, their adolescent emotions are purer and more uninhibited. When they connect to this youthful longing for acceptance, connection, and love, they are better able to believe in their present-day relationship:
Was it possible for your heart to hold on to a ridiculous crush for thirteen years? And if so, why would his heart choose someone so unattainable? Why would it want someone who was so wildly incompatible with Ryan? But Fabian, for whatever reason, gave Ryan the impression that he enjoyed his company (116).
Ryan’s internal monologue in this passage conveys his attempt to reconcile his past attachment to Fabian with his current feelings for him. He is trying to allow his youthful and adult emotions to coexist. Fabian experiences the same conflict and asks himself the same questions throughout the novel. At times, the characters fear that their nostalgia is confusing the logic of adult reality, but eventually, they discover that what they had when they were young was a beautiful, unprecedented intimacy that they must work hard to protect in the present.
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