Variation

When Allie first returns to Cape Cod, she has depression and anxiety, stemming from her injury during her Giselle performance. She has dedicated her life to professional ballet but now struggles to keep her spot in the Company while wondering what she will do if her ballet career is over. Adding to that stress, she still struggles with the loss of Lina and a lifetime of her mother’s manipulation and emotional abuse. In many ways, Allie is trapped by the life that she has built, wondering if she will be able to fix her body and rebuild her career—or if she even wants to. However, as Allie heals from her injury, she identifies the negative aspects of her life, sparking her growth and transformation.

One of the first aspects of her life that catalyzes Allie’s change is her interaction with Hudson’s family. When she spends the day with them, she is shocked at the party that they throw for June and the fun time that they all have together. She asks Hudson, “Your family just…does this?” noting how her family “didn’t even do dinner” together (121). Her surprise at something as simple as a birthday party emphasizes how different Hudson’s family is from her own. The Rousseaus are focused entirely on ballet, leaving no room for family gatherings or time spent just being together. At the end of the party, she thinks about how she “did [her] best to soak in the happiness of the people around [her], and didn’t think of ballet once, not even for a second” (123). She repeats this sentiment the next time that she is with Hudson’s family, as they spend the entire day at the beach together and she again finds an escape from ballet. In this way, Hudson’s family serves as a model of a different kind of life, providing her with love, support, and fun that gets her away from ballet. Hudson’s niece, June, in particular, is central to Allie’s perspective shift—as they train together, they connect on a personal level, and June’s passion for ballet helps to reignite Allie’s own love, reminding her that dance should, above all, be joyous.

In addition to Hudson’s family, Hudson himself is also vital to Allie’s change. Time spent with Hudson is a fun and restful reprieve from her life of professional ballet. However, more importantly, he also encourages Allie to make her own decisions and gives her the space to do so. His support for Allie’s independence is best reflected in the moment that he goes to New York to see her. As he watches her outside the studio, he realizes that he has no “right” to interfere with her life with the Company, instead noting that “whatever move [he] made next had to keep her best interest in mind” (427). These thoughts convey the type of person that Hudson has been to Allie throughout the entire novel: He never pressures her into making decisions or giving up ballet for him; instead, he allows her to make the decisions on her own. This stands in stark contrast to most of the other people in Allie’s life, who constantly pressure her into making decisions solely based on her ballet career. In this way, Hudson’s love and unconditional support of Allie—whether she pursues ballet or not—are pivotal to her finding true happiness.

Throughout the novel, Allie’s understanding of what will make her truly happy changes. While she initially thinks that it is her ballet career, largely because of the pressure she feels from the people in her life, she ultimately realizes that being with Hudson is what will bring her true happiness. Through her time spent with Hudson and his family—and time spent away from the Company—Allie becomes a happier person, able to continue to do ballet without making it the entirety of her life.